z

Young Writers Society



Don't Know Her Like I Do

by ShelbyLyn


Katie
My life, it always changed within the blink of the eye. You see I was born into a “loving” family and they decided to call me Katie. I have a mother and father and one older brother. My parents are Stephanie and Scott Smith. Tyler Smith is my brother. At one point in time we all were a very happy family. But it changed.
I woke up one morning and my back was killing me. Not only that but my head felt as if it was going to explode from the pain that I was feeling. Before I could get out of bed, my mother came into my room.
When they took me to the doctor, we found out that I had a type of leukemia. It’s called Acute Lymphocyte Leukemia (ALL). It grows quickly and most of the time it’s little kids that get it. Your best example, me.
I didn’t understand why or how I got this disease. One thing I do remember is asking my father if the reason I got sick was because I kissed the little boy named Tommy, who lived down the street. He didn’t answer me though, he just sat there in his seat softly laughing.
Pushing through the chemo was one of the hardest things I ever went through, well at the time that is. You see chemo for me wasn’t just get poked with a needle every two weeks, it wasn’t really painful. My chemo wasn’t as bad as what a lot of people believe it would have been. Normally, I was okay with them poking me time after time again. I was fine with everything that went along with my leukemia. What wasn’t okay with me, was when my father started drinking. To be completely honest, I really didn’t even care that he was. Well that was until he started hitting my family and I.
I really can’t tell you how it was for me. Maybe it’s the fact that I really don’t remember. Yes, some people right now that are reading this are thinking, “How in the world can you not remember that?” For me, I was young and I thought that maybe this was my dad’s way of punishing me for getting sick.
Any way lets continue. Most people think that normally if the father is abusive he would be the one to try to kill his only daughter. Though, in my story and life that’s not how it went. Some how it went completely different then I or anyone else planned.
Still to this day, I can smell the pancakes that my mother had made fill my bright pink and light blue room. The feeling of the cool air bursting into my room as the door right in front of my bed open up. Though, the cold air was shut out when she had shut the door. I can still feel the pressure I felt as she slowly sat on the left side of my bed.
"Katie, honey?” She asked making sure that I was awake.
I turn over on my back to look up at her big light blue eyes. When I did that, I noticed that there wasn’t the normal sparkle in her eyes. To a point, you could say that’s when I knew something was wrong.
“Katie, there is a problem with you that no one can help you with. That is why I have to do this, I'm terribly sorry. God please forgive me for the sin I'm about to do." My mother said as the knife slowly started raise above my body.
“Mommy, whats-” I began to say. Never finishing my sentence I felt the knife quickly slashed at my stomach.
To me, in my memories, the knife went across my body slowly. Though I know in true life, when it was happening it went back very quickly.
"No. Get Away!" I screamed as I tried so hard to get away from her. But my blood was flowing swiftly out of the wound.
Trying to stand up, I stumbled and hit the plastic table to the right side of my bed. As I heard her footstep coming up behind me, I lost all feeling in my feet. My hands start shaking violently while I opened my bedroom door. I remember looking up on my door, which was painted with dots all over it,as a closed it.
There was no way to get away from her, at least not with this gash is what I kept telling myself. Maybe it was because it was the truth. Or maybe it was because I thought that she would do worst to me for running away.
"Katie, please baby don't make this hard on the both of us. Come back here." I could hear her scream as I fell to the floor.
That's when I realized that I was going to die. There isn't any way for me to get away. She will success in what she is trying to do. That no one would ever know what pain I already went through.

Chapter 2
Katie
I got away from her. My brother Tyler was the one that stopped her. Still to this day I thank him with everything in my heart and soul. I know that for a fact if he would have never done something, I won’t be here today. I won’t be able to tell anyone about my story.
To be completely honest, I don’t know how he stopped her. I remember I ran out into the living room where he was sitting with his dog, Mag. He saw my face first, but he knew something was wrong. When I raised my hands from the cut, he was by my side. Before I knew it, he was laying me down on the rug behind the couch. His mouth was moving but I couldn’t hear a single thing that he said. Then he got up and walked away from me. Then I fainted from blood lost, thinking this was goodbye.
Goodbye world, keep my brothers save from her, was the last thing I thought of.

Chapter 3
Katie
It took what seemed like forever for me to open my eyes again. I felt a bump before I could. My head felt as if it was being smashed into something hard, though I know that wasn’t happening. The man next to me was asking someone from the front seat in the van something about me.
“No, she isn’t taking any medicines. Not that I know of.” a very familiar voice said, “Oh, wait. Yes she is taking medicines. She has leukemia.”
The voice sounded as if it was a boy. To a point, I wished it was my brother. Though, to another point I hoped it wasn’t. I didn’t need my brother seeing me like this, seeing me slowly dying. That’s not what he should be watching. It will break his heart, it is breaking his heart if that is him.
We hit another bump and I could feel the guy putting things that stick to my chest on me. The sound of the ambulance was so loud though, I wanted them to shut it off.
“To...Loud...” I tried to say. But it seemed like my voice was stolen from me.
“Katie? If you can hear me, stay with us. You are going to be ok. I promise.” A guy said with a very manly voice. He was looking at me as if his soul was being crushed by the thought of a little girl getting hurt.
He had long blonde hair that was in the ponytail. Every single time he looked at me, his light blue eyes felt as if they were piecing my heart. You could see the pain and the sadness within them and I didn’t understand. Why did he have this sadness inside of him? Didn’t he say that I was going to be ok? None of this makes sense.
Once again I tried to speak but all that came out was what sounded like a groan or a moan. He looked at me as if he wasn’t sure if I was suppose to make that sound.

Waking up to feel a needle in my arm wasn’t something I liked. But then I felt something holding onto my hand. When I opened my eyes, I realized my brother was crying softly while hold my hand. Slowly, I was starting to get my hearing back.

“Tyler?” I asked. I remember being in a vehicle that was moving at a fast speed but I don’t remember me getting any help.

As my thoughts of is this a dream or reality started swirling in my head, he looked up at me. I can’t even begin to tell you the pain I saw in his eyes. It looked like he was being eaten alive on the inside. You could see how blood shot his normally dark blue eyes were. Just seeing that made you want to cry.

Before I knew it, a tear slowly tickled down my cheeks. His hand raised and brushed it away as if it was never there. I didn’t know if I could make any expressions with my face, but I tried to softly smile. After a moment, I knew he saw the smile that was quickly fading.

“Sissy,” he started with a voice that was so shaky that it could cause an earthquake, “I’m so..so sorry. I didn’t know-”

He wasn’t able to finish his sentence as the tears came rushing down from his eyes. I was about to try to pull him up near me but before I could, his face laid in blanket that was next to me. Knowing that I couldn’t stop his tears and his pain, I just sat there, motionless. For some reason, I couldn’t wrap my mind around what had happen this morning. Why did this happen? Is there a reason? I wasn’t completely sure what to think or even what to do.

Tyler raised his head to look at me. I’m not sure what he didn’t know, but I knew that whatever it is has to do with mom. Has she done this once before? A million of different things started pumping into my head and I truly couldn’t stop them.

“Katie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think she would ever do anything like this. Especially to you.” He said as he grabbed a few tissues from the desk to my right.

“Bubby, what do you mean? I’m completely confused.” I said with a voice that sounded as weak as what my body was feeling. I don’t know how to put it but the moment he said what he said it felt like all my blood in my body had been erased or taken away from me.

He didn’t answer my question but instead started yelling for the doctor. I could barely hear what he was saying. And I didn’t like it.

Though, deep down I knew what he meant. Who in the world would stab their child who has a brain tumor? That is what made no sense to me. Didn’t my mother love me?

“Katie, I never thought she would do this.” he said with a voice that begged me to forgive him. But in the back of my head, I was wondering what did he need to be forgiven for.

“Tyler? I truly don’t understand what you mean.” I said. It was true that I didn’t understand. Was my brother trying to tell me that she did something to him all those years ago? Or was it something deeper than that?

“Sissy, you were so young. You don’t remember what happen,” he took in a deep breath. “I was around the age of eight when mom kind of lost it. She wasn’t in her right mind then. I guess I should have known that she would never be in her right mind after what happen but maybe I just wished really hard that maybe it was all just a dream or a phase.”

He stop for a moment and looked up at me. His eyes seemed to really understand what he was telling me. A tear slid down his cheek before he brushed it away. I wasn’t completely sure what to think about anything anymore. Was our mother truly that crazy? Why was she like that? Why is she like that?

“Do you remember when you asked me how I got the scar on my arm? I told you that it was someone at school pushed me into something sharp.. That isn’t the truth and I shouldn’t have lied to you but I didn’t want you to be afraid of mom when she was harmless,” he said as if he was trying to make an excuse for why she was the way she was. “Mom, she attacked me. I was as old as you are now and it was right about this time in my life when it happened.”

You could see the pain in my brother’s face. She scared me just as much as she had scared me. But yet, he took her down. He brought her down, for me. Truly he did care about me, I knew that but I would have never thought that he would have done what he did. Especially after finding out what she had done to him.

“Bub? I’m not mad at you for lying. You did it to protect me. I’m sorry.” I said as I fought against the tears that were threaten to fall from my eyes.

I was proud of my brother. He did everything in his power to make sure that I didn’t go through what he did. Though in the end we both went through no child should go through. Somehow something inside of me told me that I would be a strong person. Even if I fall down many times. Heck if I can go through this and recover and be like a normal eight year old child. My brother did it and now I will too...

Chapter 4

I wasn’t what it would be like to go back to the house. Sometimes when my father and brother left me in my room at the hospital, I would think about it. Would the house still smell like pancakes? Would blood be all over the place? Would I be able to sleep in my room without the nightmares?

On the three day of being in the hospital, I started having them. They were so real and scary. I would wake up screaming my head off, tears running down each side of my face. Everyone on the floor that I was on, always freaked out. To a point I don’t blame them.

Today though, everyone on floor 3 will be sleep like they normally would if they didn’t have a child screaming bloody murder. Today was the day I was going home.

I was kind of sad that I was going home. I made a lot of new friends there at the hospital. Some of them were very old and others were about my age with leukemia. My favorite two people were Todd Vanburg and Bethany Rolen.

Todd Vanburg was an old man who was on the same floor that I was. I guess that when they hospital nurse told him that he was going to have a next door neighbor, he came over to my room at least four different times before I woke up. He was a very nice old man. Some odd reason he reminded me of a teddy bear that was always soft.

Bethany Rolen was a six year old girl who had leukemia. She was very pretty even without her long hair. Her room was decorate with flowers and butterflies and everything else a little girl would want. I met her mother and father, Alice and Kent Rolan. Her mother understood the reason I wouldn’t completely go near her and she didn’t blame me.

Before I could think anymore about Bethany or Todd, my doctor and nurse came in with paperwork. My father was sitting in the chair across from my bed. Tyler was sitting right next to me on the side of my bed. He helped me up earlier when I asked him if I could do change the sheets on the bed for the next person.

“Hello little champ. How are you feeling this morning?” Doctor Adam Hadley asked me as he handed my father papers to sign.

“Okay Dr. just waiting to get this IV out and go home. I wonder what it will be like there.” I said as the nurse began to work on getting the IV out.

“I bet that because of your amazing father and brother, it will be like nothing changed. You will live a great life, Katie. Just you remember that,” he said as he flashed me a smile.

“Thank you Doctor and nurse. I’ll miss you guys.” I said as my brother help me stand up and we started to walk.

I didn’t hear what Doctor Adam or the nurse said but I knew that they were talking to my father. My brother kept a hold of my hand and had his arm wrapped around me just in case. I remember I kept repeating in my head, left foot, right foot, left foot, and so on. Not completely sure why I did that but it made me feel like nothing could stop me now.

And to a point, I was right..

Chapter 5


“Everyone be quiet please!” my father yelled across the living room.

It was the first day I was back at home. When I opened the door and walked in everyone, from family to friends, screaming welcome home. I didn’t have any thing to say but I did smile letting them all know that I was thankful for what they had done.

The house didn’t smell like pancakes or even my mother. It smelled like cake and homemade cookies. I was relieved when I noticed that because I wasn’t sure if I could handle that smell.

My aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, neighbors and grandparents were all around me. The first person that brought me into a hug was my grandma Opal. I’m not sure how long she hugged me but I know for sure it was just for a minute. Could feel her warm tears soak through my shirt, I slowly pulled away to look at her. Like I thought, she did have tears coming down her cheeks.


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541 Reviews


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Sun Dec 30, 2012 6:15 pm
Lauren2010 wrote a review...



Hey Shelby! I'm Lauren and I'll be reviewing for you today :3

Since you have multiple chapters here, I'm going to break it all down by each chapter individually, and follow up with my overall comments at the end!

Chapter One
This chapter covers a lot of information, in very little space. In addition, it's all important information that is going to set the scene for this story and the events that will follow. It gives us an understanding of what Katie and her family have gone through, what brought them to where they are today, and sets up the characters' personalities and backgrounds that help us understand them later on.

I highly suggest taking the time to slow down and really explore these events. Spend multiple chapters on them, even. Don't be afraid to really show these events as they're happening (have scenes with Katie being diagnosed, with her going to treatments, with her family growing tenser and her father drinking more and more and getting angrier as Katie continues to be sick). Right now there's a lot of telling of what's going on, while showing is what readers find more interesting and is more impactful for the story. For example:

One thing I do remember is asking my father if the reason I got sick was because I kissed the little boy named Tommy, who lived down the street. He didn’t answer me though, he just sat there in his seat softly laughing.

Like this! This is a lovely line of description, showcasing Katie's childlike understanding of her situation (as of course she is a child). It also shows how her father feels about the situation at first, sad but perhaps hopeful. Descriptions like this do a very good job of showing us how things are without telling us outright "I didn't understand Leukemia and it amused my parents, but they were also sad". It's more literary, and more interesting for a reader!

"Katie, there is a problem with you that no one can help you with. That is why I have to do this, I'm terribly sorry. God please forgive me for the sin I'm about to do." My mother said as the knife slowly started raise above my body.

This was the only thing that struck me as off in the content of the first chapter. While I can understand the parent of a child dealing with a terrible disease wanting to put them out of their misery, I can't fathom them doing it in such a violent way, especially if they didn't exhibit a history of violent behavior. It would make more sense for her to attempt to drug Katie, poisoning her or causing a deadly overdose that killed her. It would be peaceful, and much more easily justified in the mind of a distraught parent. Katie could still - more or less believably - taste something wrong in her food (and her mother could say the same "i'm sorry god forgive me" speech) and try to run out of the room before passing out. It's just much more realistic in the family situation you've set up.

Chapter Two
Here we have another mega short chapter! It only covers a little bit of information (which could really benefit from being explored in more depth!) but only a scene's worth. In all honesty, it could be combined with Chapter Three and would fit right in - considering it's in the same line of action that begins Chapter Three. So I say mash them together. ;)

Chapter Three
“Tyler? I truly don’t understand what you mean.” I said.

This sounds a lot more intelligent than your average 8 year old. Eight year old kids don't say things like "truly" or "understand" too often. It would probably be more like "Tyler? I don't get what you mean" or something along those lines. On the same note, how old is Tyler? He also sounds a lot more intelligent than his age probably is. Don't forget that the characters create have to act realistically for their circumstances! ;)

This chapter is probably my favorite. The scene in the ambulance is exactly the type of showing scene you should be working with in all of these chapters. It's well written, and really shows us what's going on and how these characters are feeling rather than just saying these things and moving on. I want to see more of this!

Chapter Four
I really enjoy your descriptions of the old man and little girl in the hospital here! Very cute and well done. I also quite like this chapter, and your use of showing in the hospital scene. It makes things feel much more realistic, rather than we're just listening to someone tell us events that are happening.

It might be interesting, as well, to expand this chapter more and include more of her time in the hospital. Have scenes with her interacting with the other patients, with her being examined and treated by her doctors. Explore how she feels, and the impact of her mother's attack on her. She should be going through some seriously huge emotional stuff, and we as readers should see her struggle with it more.


Chapter Five
Here's another really short chapter that could use expanding, or could possibly be meshed together with whatever Chapter Six is! It's only one very short scene, which doesn't really make up a complete chapter.

Overall
I quite liked this story so far! It's an interesting setup, and it will be neat to see where you take it what with Katie's struggles with Leukemia and abuse, and how that affects her life.

The biggest thing I would suggest, if you couldn't tell, is to work on showing more than telling. You have a few really great deep, descriptive, show-y scenes that make the story feel real and interesting to read. This sort of scene should make up the majority of your story! That will help with chapter length, too, which is very short. If you think of chapters in a published book, you know what I mean! They're many pages long, and cover a lot more events and scenes than the few your more little chapters cover. I know it can be hard at first to write such long chapters, but it gets easier with practice!

And then, when you start having longer chapters it will help to post them only one chapter at a time. You'll get a lot more in depth advice on each chapter individually, which can be very helpful when writing a novel!

Overall, you have a great start here! Keep writing! If you have any questions, or would like to discuss something I've said further, feel free to shoot me a PM and I'd be glad to talk with you. :)

-Lauren-




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Wed Dec 19, 2012 3:28 am
Lycando wrote a review...



Hey there Shelby!

First of all, I want to say that I liked your story. But please, go easy on my eyes, it's hard to read all of it without hurting my eyes. :P Increase the font size please.

Now there are some parts which I feel could have been improved on. Firstly, you mentioned that her father was drinking and then became abusive on her. Now I would expect that her father would only get worse and Katie would suffer under his abuse. However, in the later part of the story you said it was her mother that tried to kill her instead. Now this is really the part when you don't need the excess information, which does not have a link to the later parts of the story. What I mean is, we don't need to know Katie's father was an alcoholic, UNLESS the later part of the story requires it.

Now some parts were pretty unrealistic, after her mother stabbed/slashed her in the stomach, Katie, at such a young age, was able to crawl out of her room to get help from her brother? I mean, most kids would either have fainted out of shock or even just start crying out. Also, after being hurt like that, I don't believe anyone would be able to get very far. :)

I feel however, that the story was a little rushed. Most of the description was left out, in the ambulance, the hospital, and at home. No words to describe the setting, and most of it was dialogue. It seems rushed that way, and the reader can't get a clear picture of what is happening.

Lastly, the ending was very abrupt, cut short and just left the reader hanging. A tip for you, either end it off with a question, like "How would life be now that my family wasn't complete?" or a remark "I felt the warmth of family around me, and began to treasure all that I had". Things like this end of the story smoothly, without the reader being left to expect more.

Hope that my reviewed helped you!





It's like being in love, discovering your best friend.
— Elizabeth Wein, Code Name Verity