Philophobia

Wow, for a first try, this is really good. I just don't feel the theme right now because I'm kind of heading on the other direction if you know what I mean.

Hello there!


This was good, especially for a first shot. Be careful about writing about love; a lot of times, it can easily be mistaken as overrated or cliche, because it's such a common topic. I like how you didn't burden your poem with narrative phrases and such. Good job.

Do try to combine the lines a bit, to make them flow more; no need to bring us t oso many full stops with periods at every line.

Nice job; keep it up

June

I really liked it! (:
Okay, time for the corrections.

Philophobia

A drop of sweat, a shortness of breath.
What have you done to me?
The constant feeling of dreadSo, you have a lot of these in your poem. This line does not really fit in with the rest of this 'stanza.' Please remember you do not have to have four stanzas, four lines per stanza. You can do whatever you want, as long as it flows.
Please, I only want to be free. Don't forget the punctuation!

No friendship, no love,
No man nor women.
Shattered is my loveI don't really like the repetition of love. I don't really like love in a poem at all. I want you to describe the love to me!
My feelings, stolen. Delete the underlined comma.

Why am I afraid?
To love you, I fear.
So what if I was betrayed?
I want to hold you, my dear.

Irregular heart beat
When I am near you.
Rapid breathing
Whenever I see you.

Close my eyes
and Fear may not take me. I think you should add the underlined 'and.'
Hear my cries
For this is the last degree.So, another one of those lines. This does not fit. I think you should say something like the second line of this stanza. If he/she heard your cries, what would happen?

Up this mountain I climb;
Though this forest I fight
Misunderstanding is my crime,
But I shall emerge as your white knight

Philophia it was,
Love was an obstacle I feared.
Delicate as a vase,
Philophia has now disappeared.

I’ll meet you on the mountain top. Nice change of tones here!
Your fingers I’ll touch lightly.
And if we are to ever drop,
I’ll hold you forever so tightly

Irregular heart beat
When I am near you.
Rapid breathing
Whenever I see you.

good job! and this is your first shot at poetry??? Faboulous!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep writing
!!!!!!