Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Near the end it seems I have reached
And unto the striking wonderance I felt
At the porch from where I looked far
There is more fear untold, lying
That there is an end, for
I have struggled to get this far, and
I see no difference from the start
Of the demons standing at pedestals
Yet Providence I could tell in them, for
Their disguise of the Heavens
But tirelessly to the end they walked
For I felt terror at their obedience.
A song then came striking by-!
A lark had come downwards from the sky
Though I could see it going further apart
And the black ground twisted into a spiral-
From then, it led me to the Bethlehem night sky
And the stars twinkled upon there in pity
Now, Justice became with the mein of flies-
No longer is this yesterday, for all hollow
Promises of future could not remedy
This pain- Towards the end I walk
Where one day to see the lark, and angels-disguise
It will wear
To take me. Away!
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139,019 Literary Works • 672,397 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the ghoulish S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This narrator is surrounded by demons and it’s terrifying, but then, the lark comes flying out of the sky, ready to take them high…an angel or in disguise? Who knows? All the narrator wants is to be taken away from the demons, no matter what happens or what that may mean for them.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you want to talk more about what it feels like for the person going to Heaven-or wherever they’re going to-then you may, but I think this is fine.
Chocolate Bar - I love how it seems as though the lark, though a savior, could have its own dark secrets hidden within. I also liked the description of the dark portal swirling, as one would think it’d lead them to a horrid place, but it’s only a portal to Bethlehem! I’ve enjoyed how it feels like I, the reader, am being pulled into a world of Heaven, Hell, and the in-between with your words.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely poem on how the lark may come to save people from the pit of sins, but how it does not come without its own heavy darkness that lurks in the corners, for with everything good there comes evil, as one cannot exist without the other. I’ve enjoyed reading this and I wish you…
A marvelous day/night! ^v^
I really enjoyed reading this. It felt like a piece I would read in an anthology or something, it feels very well written. Did throw me in a bit of a confusion, haha. But that may be because English is not my first language. You know how it is like- when you see somebody's writing and wished you could have been the one to write it. Overall it is a strong piece, loved it!
Hello Shashwat,
I think the emotion in this piece is strong, but could be stronger. I would saw you show a lot, which is good, better than telling, but I personally feel like it's hard to follow along what the theme of the poem is. But I think the character in this piece of spiritual larks and angels imagery is strong. I would suggest thinking this piece as a narrative first then following the rewrite as a series of events. Just my suggestion. Other than that, I liked it. Made me feel light and ascended.