The first betrayal

Nice job!

Hey, Shalmz. I'm Nonny! Happy Review Day If you're on a team, may the best team win. If you're not, enjoy the reviews! I'm going to divide the poem up a little bit so it's easier for me to read and review. Then I will go ahead and review the poem as a whole when I'm done.

Ages past the myth of teenage,
I sit and claim my fabled taste
To have a good one is a crime;
To have none, a worse life.

I know that it may not have been split up in this way but I'm generally taking the punctuation that seems to end the verse and splitting it up that way, if that makes sense. However, this seemed like the right way to divide it.

That being said, most of these few lines were a little confusing. Even when I read them in context of the rest of the poem, I think that it still doesn't make much sense. It may be possible that you were trying to say 'Ages pass the myth' instead of past. What I'm assuming you meant by this verse is that to have a good teenage life means that you are exposing yourself to judgement and to have none means that you're going to have nothing to look back on.

You say "when ages past you answered" and whenever you use "ages past" it's a little confusing for me to read. That may just be me but it's just a bit off for me to read.

I loved the lines, "The crime was mine, my heart will soon convey. Trust is a fool and devils way." It's incredibly relatable because I think that everyone has had their heart broken and has blamed themselves.

I think over all the poem was good. I think that a lot of lines made it a little bit confusing and the lack of breaking the poem up made it even harder for me and probably other people to read. I think that if you break it up and maybe move some things around, it would be even better. Thank you very much for sharing!

I really enjoyed this poem.
VERY MUCH.

When I read it, it played in a very smooth rhythm in my mind, which I think is great.
At the same time I could feel the emotion you were portraying through the poem, another bonus to it.

I think you should really continue your writing and I look forward to more from you!

Magnificent!

I found my first nitpick a bit early into the poem:

"Back into past and frozen mess"

Maybe it should be "messes" instead of "mess"? Well, IDKK! I think it should be. But if you intended to use it with non- plurality, it's your choice. Just a suggestion.

Second is this:

"Trust is a fool and devils way"

Two nitpicks for this.

a: It would sound better like this : "Trust is a fool and a devils way."
b: Add an apostrophe after the "l" in "devils"
Like this:

"Trust is a fool and a devil's way"

I think it sounds better.

Anyway, I really liked this poem. It has a magnificent flow and is so darn true! Keep writing. Forever. Please.

-ME!