I wanted to be the next President of the country.
That is, if i can. I know
I am the voice of the million
Of Hebe in their immaturity
But I am the philosophy of change
like Obama in his campaigns
i do believe that I could be the president
The Power is in my hands
I have the right to vote for myself
As the Leader of this nation
To uplift the bondage of poverty
To share the visions of my forefathers...
I know that this is the time
To stand up for I have to
Hearken the ghosts of the democracy
As they shout in oblivion my name
The name of my brave ancestors
There is but the living dead dons
I hear the woes in the dungeon
Manacles of segragation and iron hands
Clasped to handcuffed the heroes
Now, look at those line that is the limit
Where the Blacks must not enter
And the economic development
Going into the quicksands of recession
And those of you who are dying
Where are the promised medicines
And to your mortgage payables
Could you still stomach the illusions
Bedazzling your eyes into chaos
I know how difficult it is to be one
I have to flee and be the President
Oh! Please do help me, dear child
I have the power to unite this planet
In a symphony of camaraderie
I have to because I kinda like being the President!
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Canary word: Present
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This poem is a confused jumble of rhetoric (versus the elegant rhetoric of President Obama.) The poem needs to be better organized.
It seems like every two lines or so the topic changes to what you would do, but by the time it occurs to us that you've switched topics, you switch again! Further hindering the reader is the fact that all these lines are bunched together. I think you should group common subjects into stanzas (the poet's paragraph.)
As it stands, you have one stanza, but too many subjects.
Awesome group of lines. I really enjoyed this piece (again with the colored font??)
wasn't this your second-to-last-line in Hera with a tiara?
And is this a poetic take on Obama's campaign/ inagurational address? Because that's what it feels like.
I felt like I grasped this poem a bit more than your other one, so great job on that.
Hey dude, that's an interesting one!