Insincerity

hey, shaken.
nice words. maybe you'd want to make a song out of it?
just thinking.

keep writing and stay motivated.
-telle.

Well I think the people before me did a good job of taking this piece-by-piece, so I guess I'll just sum it up. It was pretty good, although there were parts where the rhyme was obviously a little trouble, but I got what you were saying and the message and emotions were clear. Overall, this wasn't the best I've seen, but it was a solid piece anyway.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

So that’s a yes#FF0000 ">, comma indefinitely
A heartbeat, make it one, two and three Love this!
You closed #FF0000 ">your tired eyes
And open them to my own uncertainty

Is it alright if I scream#FF0000 ">?
I’ve forgotten what silence ought to mean
Maybe if I say it all#FF0000 ">, comma
You’ll wake from falsely definitive dreams I don't really get this line here...

The thought I keep
As I listen to angels crying in their sleep
Did we know we’d end up here#FF0000 ">?
Before insincerity pulled us in so deep

Sweet emptied smile
#FF0000 ">I guess that means you’ll be gone awhile
I smile back at you#FF0000 ">;
It takes two to play with beautiful denial

And I hear it in your voice
The indecision was #FF0000 ">so clearly my choice
But I’ve left everything
If you’re asking#FF0000 ">, comma love is no longer a choice

If that’s all you can say#FF0000 ">, comma
I’d really rather not hear it on the replay#FF0000 ">.
You’re breaking glass
As I pick up the pieces and start to pray

How long’ve you been out of line#FF0000 ">?
Was it before or after everything was fine#FF0000 ">?
Don’t tell me it’s over
I’m not falling for perfect recovery this time

Do you have patterns in your hand
Where my fingers traced out writing in #FF0000 ">the sand
Three times over
Just for once tell me where you really stand

So that’s a yes indefinitely
A heartbeat, make it one, two and three
You closed tired eyes
And open them to my own uncertainty I love this stanza, it throws me straight in and I really feel it.

Is it alright if I scream
I’ve forgotten what silence ought to mean Great line here.
Maybe if I say it all
You’ll wake from falsely definitive dreams

The thought I keep Interesting tone change here to sorrow, but I like how the anger creeps back in later.
As I listen to angels crying in their sleep
Did we know we’d end up here
Before insincerity pulled us in so deep

Sweet emptied smile
Guess that means you’ll be gone a while
I smile back at you
It takes two to play with beautiful denial

And I hear it in your voice
The indecision was so clearly my choice
But I’ve left everything
If you’re asking love is no longer a choice Akward rhyme

If that’s all you can say
I’d really rather not hear it on the replay
You’re breaking glass
As I pick up the pieces and start to pray Great line, again. Sorrow and anger together at this point

How long’ve you been out of line
Was it before or after everything was fine
Don’t tell me it’s over
I’m not falling for perfect recovery this time Slightly akward rhyme again

Do you have patterns in your hand
Where my fingers traced out writing in sand
Three times over
Just for once tell me where you really stand