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Young Writers Society


16+ Language

Color Photographs, Chapter Fifteen

by Shady


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Karl Reneve sat in his dim office smoking a cigar. It wasn’t a particularly impressive office – somewhat spacious, but nearly barren. Reneve had a large oak desk that he kept polished until it shined, with various nick-knacks sitting on the front corners. In the top drawer, under a spare pistol, he kept a folder with the various drawings his youngest nieces and nephews drew for him.

He wasn’t about to display them in his office, but he liked to keep them close. They were a good reminder of what nieces and nephews were before they turned into irritating teenagers – motivation not to murder the ones that had already grown up.

Reneve glanced at his niece, Rachel, sitting in the corner in a large chair, feet propped up, staring at her laptop screen. She was only seventeen, but she’d learned how to hack better than nearly anyone else he knew. Right now he had her tracing both Resnick and Meyer’s phones, seeing where they were.

Reneve’s gaze travelled to the corner, where the boy from the shop was sitting tied up. He had a gag in his mouth and dark hood over his head. It hadn’t taken long for his men to find and grab him. Now Reneve had to listen to his whimpering.

“He’s here,” Rachel said, seeming bored. She didn’t bother looking up from her laptop screen.

Reneve glanced at her again, then flicked his cigar over the ash tray sitting on his desk. Rachel had an attitude that he’d beat out of her if she was his nephew—Ronny’s day was coming soon, if he didn’t get his mouth under control – but he figured it was just as well. She had long black hair, pale skin, and bright blue eyes—a real beauty. Her prickly personality, paired with her last name, was probably the only thing that kept Reneve from having to kill off half the male population of her school.

Reneve’s eyes travelled to the door as he heard Meyer’s voice. He figured he’d come blustering through the door in a temper tantrum, like Lovetts were prone to do. He listened as Meyer bickered with his bodyguard.

“What do you think you’re doing? Hands off, asshole!” There was a crash in the hall, like someone had gotten slammed against the wall. Reneve wasn’t sure if that someone was Meyer or his guard. He pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Oh, you found my pistol, whoop-de-fucking-do. Look, here’s another! Out of my way!”

There was another crash, then the door flew open and Meyer charged in. He jerked on his shoulder, knocking off the guard that was clinging to him. He had his pistol in his left hand, holding it far away from the men coming in after him.

“I thought we agreed on keeping pistols holstered until Resnick was in the picture?” Reneve asked, holding up a hand to still his body guards.

“I thought so to,” Meyer said irritably, glaring at the men behind him. They were all red faced and seemed just as angry as Meyer was. “I also thought we agreed your little assholes wouldn’t try to take my guns.”

Reneve looked between his men and Meyer, and sighed again. Children. He was dealing with a bunch of children. I suppose this is what I get for agreeing to help someone, he thought. He dismissed his guards with a wave of his hand, then gestured at the seat in front of his desk. “Just calm down.”

Meyer slid his pistol back into the front of his pants, and jerked his jacket straight. He lifted his chin and sat down, obviously trying to salvage as much dignity as he could. Reneve watched as Meyer sat for only a moment, before he started rubbing the back of his neck and glancing around the room.

Edgy, Reneve thought. That’s what he is—edgy. He watched Meyer’s nervous movements for another moment, wondering what had happened to him. Meyer wasn’t prone to nervous ticks. He’d watched Meyer from afar for many years—and nervousness was never a word he’d use to describe Meyer. Out of his element at last? Reneve wondered. I guess his woman really is his pressure point.

“Who’s that?”

Reneve was pulled out of his thoughts by Meyer nodding towards Rachel. He narrowed his eyes into a glare, not sure what to make of Meyer’s question. “My niece.”

“She got a name?” Meyer asked, still looking at her.

“Rachel,” Reneve answered coldly. “And I will cut off your dick and shove it down your throat if you so much as look at her for too long.”

“Married,” Meyer said, turning a glare on Reneve. He stopped drumming his fingers on his leg as quickly as he’d started, finally stilling his hands as he glared at Reneve. He seemed insulted at the insinuation.

“Mine,” Reneve said crisply, ensuring that his point was driven home. He glanced at Rachel and saw her rolling her eyes yet again, still refusing to look up from her laptop screen. It was hard to tell what else she was doing, beyond merely keeping an eye on Resnick.

“Whatever,” Meyer said. “You’re the one who brought her here…. But did you bring the kid?”

“Behind you,” Reneve answered, vaguely waving his hand towards the corner. “You probably would’ve noticed him if you hadn’t come blundering in like an idiot.”

Meyer gave Reneve an irritable glance before turning in his seat and looking at the boy in the corner. He stood up and quickly walked across the room, still not quite at ease. He looked down at the hood for a moment before turning back towards Reneve. “Shall we?”

“Waiting on you,” Reneve answered, stretching his hand towards the boy. “Pleasure’s all yours.”

Meyer took a deep breath, steeling his nerves before he put an intimidating glare on his face. He pulled his jacket back and hooked it behind his pistol, being sure that the boy would be able to see the pistol clearly. He jerked the hood off.

The young blond from the lingerie shop stared back at him with large, terrified eyes and a tear stained face. Meyer took a deep breath, refusing to think about Sadie’s tear stained face, as he looked down at the boy. “I’m going to take the gag out now… and if you scream, I’ll skewer you. Understand?”

The boy nodded solemnly. Meyer reached forward and untied the gag, keeping his glare fixed on the boy’s eyes as he did. The boy was silent as the gag fell to the ground. Meyer hesitated a moment longer before nodding. “Good… what’s your name, boy?”

“T-Ty… sir,” the boy sniffled.

“You remember me from the other week, Ty?” Meyer asked. The boy stared at him for a long moment, eyes seeming to get even wider. Meyer lifted an eyebrow. “Well? Simple question.”

“Yes, sir...” Ty answered miserably.

“How do you fit in with that shop, Ty? Your uncle run it? Cousin?”

“Brother,” Ty whispered.

“Brother?” Meyer frowned at him. “There’s an awful big age gap there, for you to be brothers.”

“Half-brother; second wife. An Americana,” Ty said quickly. “I’m tellin’ the truth, honest.”

“I see… well, were you in the room while your big bubby and my boss were making plans?” Ty hesitated for a long moment, his eyes flicking around the room, obviously trying to find an escape from answering Meyer’s question. Meyer snapped his fingers, drawing Ty’s eyes back to his face. “You’d best keep telling the truth, Ty. I’ll know if you’re lying—and I won’t be happy if you lie to me.”

“Yes, sir,” Ty said glumly, letting his gaze drop to the floor. “I heard, sir.”

“They planning on meeting up again?”

Ty kept staring at the ground, his jaw clenched tightly. Meyer watched him a moment, before flicking him on the forehead. Ty flinched, then nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Where?”

Ty took a shaky breath, refusing to look up. “I can’t tell you that.”

“Oh yes you can,” Meyer said. He grasped Ty’s shoulders, just tight enough to scare him, but not hard enough to actually hurt him. He shook him once. “Where?”

“I ain’t telling.” Ty lifted his chin, seeming to muster together all of his courage. “I don’t care what that means you gotta do to me. I ain’t rattin’ on Amador. You can’t make me.”

“I can’t, huh?” Meyer asked, glaring harder. He’d hoped the boy wouldn’t try to be a tough guy. Meyer had no intention of actually torturing a little boy—but he did need the information that Ty had. “You know what happened to the last little boy who wouldn’t tell me something I wanted to know?”

“No, sir,” Ty squeaked, staring up at Meyer.

“Neither does anyone else,” Meyer hissed, leaning close to his face. “His body was never found… I’m sure he could use a friend.” Meyer placed his hand on his gun threateningly. “But I’ll give you one more chance to answer, before I get mad. Where are they meeting?”

Ty’s eyes were fixed on Meyer’s pistol, and his breathing was getting rapid. Meyer dearly hoped he wouldn’t hyperventilate and pass out—but it was hard to say. Sadie had, when Reneve pulled a gun on her. Meyer pulled his pistol out of his belt, but didn’t even have to point it at Ty to make him crack.

“They went to a little town about two hours north!” Ty said quickly. “I don’t remember the name of the town, honest, sir, but they said they was goin’ up there to talk ‘bout business and gettin’ daddy up here to help with drugs or something. I don’t know what all they were talking about.”

“Your brother have safe house up there?”

“Yes, sir,” Ty said promptly, eyes never leaving the pistol. “It’s a great big white house where Amador keeps a whole bunch of girls, usually. He goes up there sometimes and he told your boss he should join him sometime. He left a few hours ago to go meet Mr. Resnick, sir.”

“Good…” Meyer said slowly, sliding his pistol back into his belt. He patted Ty’s shoulder. “You’ve been most helpful. Thank you, sir.”

“Amador’s gonna kill me,” Ty said miserably, tears welling in his eyes.

Meyer bit his lip as he watched the tears making fresh trails down the boy’s cheeks. He felt like a monster, turning a little boy against his brother, and making him cry like this. But, then, he felt like a monster any time he had to threaten someone—regardless of how old they were. “Not if you don’t tell him… I ain’t planning on telling him you said anything… I’m just looking for my boss.”

Ty glared at him, tears still freely streaming down his face. Meyer squared his shoulders, refusing to let a fit of compassion make him lose face in front of Reneve. He turned towards the desk and nodded once, then briskly strode outside.

Out in the open air Meyer breathed deeply, trying to calm his nerves. He couldn’t help but think of Sadie, and all the hours he’d spent comforting her as she cried this past week because of Resnick. Meyer feared he was starting to turn into the man he hated.

“You really make it a habit of terrorizing small children?” Reneve asked, as he joined Meyer on the sidewalk.

“Nope,” Meyer said, shaking his head. “But it seemed like good persuasion.”

“Indeed…” Reneve hesitated, looking between Meyer’s car and his own. He walked around the passenger side of Meyer’s car and started to climb in, snapping at his men and gesturing at his own car, silently ordering them to follow. “Well, what are you waiting for? Let’s go get our revenge.” 


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1085 Reviews


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Sun Feb 28, 2016 6:34 am
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Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm back! I did read through the parts between this one and the last one I reviewed, but I decided not to review them, because I couldn't really think of anything to say that other reviewers hadn't already.

So, as I've been reading this, I'm liking it more and more, especially how strong and well-rounded your characters are. They really feel realistic, and their dialogue especially is very well-written.

I also like your descriptions - your first two paragraphs of this chapter had a couple of slightly repetitive words, but overall they set the scene nicely and provide good character information too.

Something I'm noticing that makes me kind of sad is that we're really not seeing a lot of Sadie in these chapters. It feels almost like she's more of a side character than a main character, talked about a lot but barely actually in the picture. Also, this could be because I was trying to read the chapters rather quickly, but what happened to her after she got shot and woke up? I don't remember it ever saying if she was taken to a hospital or something.

Also, the way you were saying "the boy" all the time, I thought his identity would turn out to be a bit of a surprise, but then it was just Ty. Maybe try to use his name a bit earlier.

I thought you were a bit ellipses-happy towards the end of this chapter when Meyer was trying to get information out of Ty - it just seemed like he trailed off in places that wouldn't be too likely. The dialogue also seemed just a bit off there, like when he talked about the other child he "killed." You also have a couple of random typos, usually missing commas and the like.

And that's all I've got for you! If you have any questions, just ask!




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Wed Dec 30, 2015 5:25 am
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BondGirl007 wrote a review...



Hey again, no intro jumpin right in this time! So I like how you describe Karl, he is another character I see as being bad, but also quite a good person. He doesn't want to see women beat, but he still doesn't trust his rivals entirely and given the right opportunity wouldn't hesitate to blow out some brains. The fact that he keeps children's drawings in his desk says a lot about his character. Although this part kind of threw me off:

Spoiler! :
motivation not to murder the ones that had already grown up.
I think you could definitely word this a little better, as well as tie some themes into it. What I first thought of before that sentence was that everyone, even the most vile or irritating people, were once innocent children capable of creativity and love. Maybe that's just me reading into it too much, but I think this character is really interesting. He's the classic neutral character, not quite good, not quite evil. He's helping the main characters in their quest, but you don't entirely trust him.

Spoiler! :
She was only seventeen, but she’d learned how to hack better than nearly anyone else he knew. Right now he had her tracing both Resnick and Meyer’s phones, seeing where they were.
So this makes me wonder where she learned her hacker skills from? Did she learn on her own, or did she have like a jedi master hacker? Also if she's tracing the phones, I assume she's tracing their location so it seems a little redundant to add in that last little bit about seeing where they are.

Spoiler! :
It hadn’t taken long for his men to find and grab him. Now Reneve had to listen to his whimpering.
Sorry, I know I'm probably annoying you with all the pronoun talk but once again I think this could use some work. HIS men, grab HIM? I know you're talking about them abducting the kid, but it sounds like Karl's men are manhandling him, not the kid. Try avoiding pronouns and referring to him as the young boy, the child, anything else that would identify him other than the words him/his.

Spoiler! :
but he figured it was just as well. She had long black hair, pale skin, and bright blue eyes—a real beauty.
This makes me think that all he's interested in is her beauty. Like her attitude doesn't matter to him because she's attractive, not because she's useful to him. Obviously having a hacker on his side must be pretty convenient. It would also explain why he puts up with her attitude, because her skills outweigh her brattiness.

Spoiler! :
He figured he’d come blustering through the door in a temper tantrum, like Lovetts were prone to do.
This is the second time you've referenced the Lovetts in a plural form which makes me question who else you are referencing. Did Mey's father or brother work with Karl? Is he talking about Sadie as a Lovett?

Spoiler! :
“Oh, you found my pistol, whoop-de-fucking-do. Look, here’s another! Out of my way!”
This made me lol, not going to lie. Very realistic dialogue, but I think the end statement could use a bit more power. Other than that I loved it.

Spoiler! :
“I also thought we agreed your little assholes wouldn’t try to take my guns.”
NIT PICK! Again this seems like a real person talking, although calling the guards little assholes seems a bit childish. Minions, lackeys, or underlings sounds a bit more adult. Or maybe "these asshole" or something like that.

Spoiler! :
Meyer slid his pistol back into the front of his pants
With all the guns this guy owns/carries doesn't he own a holster?

Spoiler! :
Edgy, Reneve thought. That’s what he is—edgy.
On edge maybe? Edgy just brings to mind an angsty teenager.

Spoiler! :
He stopped drumming his fingers on his leg as quickly as he’d started, finally stilling his hands as he glared at Reneve.
NIT PICK! There's no mention prior to this that he's nervously tapping his fingers on his leg, just him awkwardly looking around the room.

Spoiler! :
“Mine,” Reneve said crisply
CREEEEPYYYY. I'm not sure if you're insinuating that he's sleeping with his niece, but that's what I draw from that, plus him dwelling on her beauty earlier in the chapter.

Spoiler! :
He jerked the hood off.
You can definitely add a bit more detail here. Did he hear the kid whimpering as he approached? Was the kid shaking with fear as he stood next to him? This sentence just seems very abrupt. If that's what you're aiming at, don't change it, but I think it would flow better with a little something extra.

Spoiler! :
Meyer reached forward and untied the gag, keeping his glare fixed on the boy’s eyes as he did. The boy was silent as the gag fell to the ground.
Before these sentences you also said "the gag", so what's the gag made out of? A bandanna? A piece of cloth? Duct tape? Whenever you notice yourself starting to use the same words in close proximity, try showing us what it is instead of telling us.

Spoiler! :
“Half-brother; second wife. An Americana,” Ty said quickly. “I’m tellin’ the truth, honest.”
So does this not take place in America? That's something that's been bothering me, I have no idea where this story takes place. I assume in a city type setting, considering there's a lot of apartments, but I'm not entirely sure.

Spoiler! :
I ain’t rattin’ on Amador.
Another thing that's been bugging me is the names, now I can understand if this doesn't take place in America, the names probably seem strange to me, an american. But it just sounds like you're trying to hard to give the all the characters super unique names. Which might make them stand out a little more, but it also makes it kind of hard for me to keep track of who's who.

So again you end it with strength, the last line making me really excited for the next chapter. That's the best way to leave the reader, aching to find out what happens. I'm off to read/review the next chapter so stay tuned!

-Hope





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