Prologue
This cannot be happening. I can’t lose, especially to my own friend and family. I guess Walter is no longer my friend, considering my actions. Why did I do this? I’ve never thought of killing them all. Yet here I am, power burning in my hands, Victoria, Walter, and Sarah below me with the intent to destroy me, each shouting in my general direction.
“You must die, Nate!”
“It is the only way!”
“Why have you done this?”
This is bad. This means that I am no longer welcome in our team.With out me, they have no divine knowledge. With my comrades at my throat for reasons unknown to me, I have only one option.
“You all want to kill me.”, I whispered to them, “My death is the only solution to our conflict?”
“YES!”, they shouted.
Well, at least they agree on one thing.
“THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN!”, I bellowed.
With my last effort, I tore a rift and hovered through it. This was my escape, but as I faded into the other worlds, Walter through his pan pipes at me. He would never throw those at me. His aim was true, and they nailed me on my head. There was fading then I was left in a far world.
Chapter 1
Well this is interesting. I’ve been trapped in a library with absolutely no memory. What’s weirder is that there’s this man sitting here by a minor section of decrepid, ancient scrolls. Ok, this entire encounter is awkward.Or should I say hawkward. The guy has a bird’s head. He was about five feet-ten inches, and had an interesting facial structure (even for a bird’s head.) His head was a Red-Tailed hawk’s and his eyes were a sand-parchment combination for their color. They were almost human. Almost being that they switched between human and hawk. I have to say that as far as first impressions go, he takes the cake.
“Who are you?”, I asked.
His voice was overpowering, even at a mumbling volume. “So you really remember nothing. A better question is who are you?”So I guess I couldn’t answer that. I really needed to get out of here and away from this man, hawk, creature, whatever!
“Listen, I guess I can’t answer the question, but what ever you are, I know your weak points!” Yeah right. Like a crotch shot on a hybrid of man and hawk will do much.
“ Well, moving on.” he said, as if we were friends. And not just casual “Hey how are you?” More like we were two of the closest friends in the world. “We need to get properly introduced. Lets start with your name. Since you remember nothing, you get a fresh start on the name. I recommend Alexander.”
“Okayyyyyyyy,” I said questionably. “Alexander, how about that will be my full name, and I’ll just be called Alex. Now what is your name?”
“ My name,” he spoke. “I have many names, but most people call me Ra.” His name rang a bell. NOW I remember. Oh goody, I just threatened the king of the Egyptian gods (I know I may not remember my name or my history, but I know my basic mythology.)
“Oh crap.”
“Ah, I knew that you would remember me at least. I am very busy so lets keep going on this. Due to my personal business I will have a friend come in my place anytime we have these meetings. I hope you can recall Bast.” That made me think for a few moments. I knew of Bast, but I didn’t remember any personal experiences. What I did remember was that she was the goddess of cats and protection, but not much beyond that. “I can see the gears turning in that magical head of yours, so I am assuming that you know that she is the goddess of cats and protection, and not very much other than that.” How did he know that? He interrupted my train of thought, “Because I can read minds!”(Well that didn’t sound familiar at all) “Your in your thoughts so what you are currently thinking is what you’re saying. Make more sense now?”
“Yes, now it makes so much more sense.” I said sarcastically, “Now will you tell me why I’m talking to you right now rather than talking to me through my thoughts?”
“Well the answer is obvious, isn’t it?”
“Possibly, but you tell me the answer and I will confirm it.”
He laughed heartily, “Well you still got the sense of humor you had earlier. The answer is that you are unconscious right now, and if you couldn’t tell, Alex, you don’t have any memory. I’m sur-wait. Did you feel that?”
“Yes.” I replied honestly. “I felt a disturbance in the energy around us, didn’t you?”
“That is exactly what I felt. I think a magical creature just died violently over some strawberries. Must be... well never mind that.”
“Wait, who are you talking about?” Remember, I don’t recall a personal history, but I still know when someone is holding back information.
“Nobody in particular. Just someone from a past life,” he recovered quickly. So I apparently had at least one past life.
“So,” I said impatiently, “Why am I talking through a dream rather than thoughts?”
“Oh right that, well as I was saying, you don’t have any personal memories. So I thought ‘Hey, he’s unconscious, so we got enough time to discuss magic.’”
“Magic?”
“Hey, I don’t interrupt you when you’re telling a story. So where was I? Oh yeah, unconscious, ‘So we have enough time to discuss his magic.’ Now, my friend, you have magical abilities. Not the party tricks of stage magicians.” He made a showy gesture with his hands, “I have seen some of the full extent of your abilities, even if you were evil at the time.”
“Evil?” I said, shocked.
“Yes evil. Maybe this will help jog your memory.” He walked up to me and touched my forehead with his index finger. Suddenly, I saw flashes of pain, a satyr that was bound, a naiad and igneous coming at him with blades and a scythe, and finally, me, just watching it all happen. I recoiled after a second. It had felt like an hour just watching that horrid scene, but I knew it was only a second.
“What, was that?” I said when I recovered. “Who was the satyr? And the Naiad and Ignis?”
“A basic replay of what happened in your past life. As for them, they were what brought us to this point.” he said, so matter of factly.
“Ok, so can we move on?” I replied uncomfortably, “Cause I would like to just learn about the magic you said a while ago.”
“Fine O Impatient One,” he said indignantly, “I guess we can move onto that. My look at the time! We only have enough time to have you learn some basic spells. Anything else, and you will have to learn from Bast in your dreams and on your own. So why don’t we start with a basic fire summoning spell.”
“Ok, so teach away.”
“To start with learning this spell, you need to concentrate, focus your will, and gather all the rage, happiness, and any other emotions in your mind, and mentally burn them. After this mental fire is started, all you have to do is tap into that flame, and imagine that piece you collected burning what you’re aiming at. This will create either a fire ball, a clean beam of raw flame and fire, or more of a spray of flames. Stand back.” As he demonstrated, he aimed with an open hand at a bear, frog monstrosity that seemed to come out of nowhere. Then there was a blinding flash, and in that beast’s place was left a pile of ashes. “Now its your turn. When you have successfully performed this in your mind, then you will be able to perform it outside your subconscious with ease.”
“Well, here’s hoping.” I saw him take an overly large step behind me. Gee, he has so much trust in me. I followed all his steps, throwing all the rage and curiosity into a pile and then lighting a match after I covered it in all the fear I felt for becoming a force of evil. He then summoned another beasty, this one being more of a crocodile,bat,lobster creature. Then I tapped into that flame and with an open hand like him, I aimed and imagined a ball of fire just go hurtling at him. A saying matches what happened. Monkey see Monkey do. Or rather I thought it and I saw it happen. The batodobster caught flame from a small comet of fire and then it just went up in an immolating blaze. It even made Ra take stumble.
He whistled “Dang, I haven’t seen that much power on the first try. Usually takes others many tries to get even the smallest cinder out of that spell. Well I wasn’t far from the mark when I was predicting your potential.”
“Yeah I know right,” I said exasperated, “It took a bit to get the flame started, but the rest was quite easy.”
“Sadly though, teaching and using that spell took the rest of our time.”
“Wait, when will you talk to me like this again?”
“Soon enough. By the way, you were out for a good few days.”
“Days!?” I exclaimed.It had only felt like a few hours. I guess time in dreams is not the same as in reality.
“Don’t worry,” he said, his voice fading, “Someone has all ready found you knocked out and has taken care of you. You’ll wake up in a bunk in an old style room. You should be fine.”
“Wait, don’t I at least get to know who is taking care of me?”
“Yeah no. All I can say is that you will be enrolled in an academy for the gifted. Good luck! Oh yeah, don’t forget that if anybody you hear in your thoughts will usually not be me!”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello, I'm new to this site as I see you are.

First thing that confused me was this,
“You must die, Nate!”
“It is the only way!”
“Why have you done this?”
I wasn't sure you was speaking. Since this is the prologue, I don't know the characters yet or their individual voices. Once you've established their individual voices I will know who is speaking. For now though, you need to add dialogue tags so I can follow it.
Second is this,
“YES!”, they shouted.
Well, at least they agree on one thing.
“THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN!”, I bellowed.
You used two exclamation points (!) in the first lot of dialogue and now two again. You've also written the words here in capitals and added an adjective, bellowed and shouted, to each of those. You want to avoid using so many exclamation points. I'd say maybe one every 10,000 words, for a start until you limit it to only two or three per novel.
You also don't really need to write the shouted words in capitals. You can just say,
#00BF00 ">"This will not happen," I bellowed. Use either an exclamation, or a tag.
Oh and a grammatical error I noticed a lot was this.
“THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN#FF0000 ">!#FF0000 ">”, I bellowed.
All punctuation goes within the speech marks. So whether its a full stop, comma, exclamation point etc, put it inside the speech marks. And you also don't need both an exclamation point and a comma, you'd just use one.
You're paragraphing is pretty perfect. I only figured out how to paragraph correctly a few months ago. Shameful me.
Being in dreams and thoughts and all this, it's very interesting.
Anyway, hope this helps.
HAHA! Glad you put that in there!
This part is worded a little strange. I suggest making "trust", "faith". It's just a suggestion!
This is a could start, can't wait to read Part Two to Searching.
Deathcurrent