Hey there ShaBird. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
One thing I wanted to ask before I got too far into this review, was about the shape of the poem. I've read a lot of shape poems and I know it always plays some significance to the meaning. I can not however find the hidden meaning in this shape. Or maybe one isn't there to see. If you could just clear this little matter up for me, that would be great.
The second point is something I know poets don't like to think about much but in this case you need: punctuation. Yes, it is sometimes necessary in poetry even though we twist the rules so much. First example of this is in the quoted line below.
Wow this hurts did you ever care?
-You can do two things with this line to separate the thoughts and add emotional value. You can either insert a comma after 'hurts'. That slows down the thought a little bit and adds emotion. Or you can add a period or exclamation point to show even more shock. If you go with door number contestant, make sure to correct the capitalization.
A new days here it's
Time to move on
-Instead of 'days' like in plural day, I think you were trying for the contraction form of 'day is'. I think it looks nicer as 'day is' instead of 'day's' but that's your choice.
-I would put 'it's' on the next line in front of time. So if you do decide to split that line, I would recommend putting a comma after 'here'.
Third, of the punctuation you already, it was used correctly so need to discuss existing punctuation. There were no visible grammar or spelling mistakes but I feel the need to have a line or two about them anyways.
Fourth, though I really doubt it, this poem sort of strikes me as being loosely based around real events. I mean most poetry is written about the hardships in our lives and presented as some fictional character's. I've also read a lot of poems that were sort of themed in this manner and the idea of this poetry is a bit overused. There is nothing here for me to distinguish it from the next poem about lost love.
Fifth, so sorry if I sound hateful or mean. It just happens to be my style of critiquing and I find the I often offend people or make them hate me.
This review will have to run a bit short for now because I am currently on mobile. I might come back in a couple of months to revise this review.
Until then have a Happy Review Day!
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs
Points: 650
Reviews: 766
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