Chapter Four: How they got their Powers
“I guess my hate of water started when I first got my powers, when I was about six,” Felicity began, “I was at a small party at the public swimming pool. One of my friends pulled me into the deep end. There were some eighteen-year-old boys in the deep end, and they did not see us. My friend got out of the way, but I couldn’t. The boys landed on top of me and pushed me under the water. I could not resurface, as the boys were on top of me, and I was not a strong swimmer. I ran out of air pretty quickly and I drowned.”
“Wait, you drowned?” Jason interrupted.
“Uh-huh. I officially died at 12:05 pm on the 14th of January at the Aswalle public swimming pool.”
“Fuck”
“My parents were distraught. They sued my friend’s parents and moved up here to East Aswalle. They buried me here, in the cemetery. That night, a black Phoenix, an animal who can resurrect the dead, landed on top of my grave. It dug out the entire six feet of dirt and cracked open my casket. It then took my body up to Aswalle volcano, and threw me into the lava. As I fell, the phoenix cried Tears of Life, which landed on me before I hit the lava. The tears intermingled with the lava and that’s what has caused my fire power. I was resurrected and became the Fire Alchemist. It took me six years to fully master my control over fire, but, when I was twelve, I decided to travel to my parent’s house, just to see if they recognized me. I was walking down their street when some robbers came screaming around the corner. They attacked my parents, who were sitting in the front lawn. I had not seen my parents for almost seven years, but seeing them being attacked, my reaction was instantaneous. I ran at the robbers and used my fire power. I used the flames to disguise my identity, and to also scare the living shit out of the robbers. They ran away, screaming like four-year-olds in a haunted house. My parents were terrified, but were also eternally grateful. Neither of them recognized me, but I didn’t think they would, after all, the last time they saw me, I was only six, I had black hair, and I was snow-white and lying in a coffin.” Felicity laughed humorlessly and fell silent.
The others sat in stunned silence.
Natalia was first to break the quiet. “I thought phoenixes were red or gold”
“Well, they normally are. Phoenixes are also known as Birds of fire, but black phoenixes are known as the Birds of the Dead,” she shrugged, “So, uh, this has become more than just a game of Truth or Dare hasn’t it? Whose turn is it to tell about how they got their powers?”
Leona cleared her throat, “Uh, I guess it’s my turn. Well as you all know, I have the power to influence people’s spirit. You also know that I am only thirteen. What you don’t know about me is that I….” She stopped, her bright eyes looking down at the floor.
Blair shook her gently “Well, don`t stop. What don’t we know about you?”
Leona sighed slightly before continuing “What you don’t know about me is that….I-I was raised in Area 51.”
The others’ mouths hung open. James made a sound similar to a fish out of water. Blair held Felicity tightly by the shoulders to keep her from falling flat onto the ground in shock.
Leona’s cherry red lips curled into a tight smile as she continued, “I assume that from your faces you know about Area 51. Well they discovered me when I was about four. I had been wandering around lost for nearly a week. They would have left me alone, if it wasn’t for Gul Kaden. I had befriended him when I developed my powers. They took me into the complex, and kept me under twenty-four hour surveillance for six years. After overhearing that they were going to kill me because I was of no use, I broke out of my cell, released Gul Kaden and burned Area 51 to the ground, killing everyone and everything inside. I have spent the past two years on the run, and then met you guys.” Leona finished.
The others stared.
James blinked, “Fuck Leona, I didn’t think you could kill.”
Natalia glanced at her watch. “Oh fuck!” she yelled.
“What’s wrong.” the others asked at the same time.
“It’s nearly midnight! We’ve got to go!”
She sprinted away, with the others following closely behind her.
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Canary word: Present
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125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hey, Serenity! Sorry for the long delay. I've been... well... I'll just leave it at busy
Anyway, what stood out to me about this was the dialogue. Given that this is mostly dialogue, that might be a good thing! What I noticed though was that these kids, while young, talk like they're adults. Both Leona and Felicity had big old long paragraphs where they were talking, without interruption. They used words I wouldn't expect people their age to use.
I'm not suggesting that they ought to start saying "Like, there was this guy, and he was like, so hot" all over the place, but... read your dialogue out loud and make sure it sounds like you want it to sound. Try to zoom in on each character's voice. Does one have a squeaky or small voice? Is one loud? Deep? Shrill? Who talks in long, dramatic sentences? Who's very mathematical and seemingly emotionless.
By playing with how people say things in dialogue, you can help the reader get an idea of who the character is. The people who says, "I was under twenty-four hour surveillance, around the clock, for six years!" is different from the person who says, "They watched me twenty-four hours a day." And the person who can calmly say, "After overhearing that they were going to kill me," is different than the one who says, "Then, one day, I was sitting there calmly and I overhead these two guys saying that they were going to kill me!"
See/hear what I mean?
Zero in on those differences between how these characters talk and you'll be rolling.
Any questions, just let me know.
Rach