Prologue: Summer Dream
The summer night was perfect; no humidity, a slight warm breeze, and a clear view of the starry sky. A young bride released a content sigh as she ran her hands over the cool grass from where she lay on her back. The wind tousled her long unbound hair and toyed with the hem of her dress. She closed her eyes and enjoyed her relative solitude; oblivious to the silent presence watching her.
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A northern dignitary from the east had been in the Capital City of the Empire attending councils regarding the human expansions into the Eastern Lands. He found dealings with the humans tiring. However, his duty as a diplomat restrained him from acting in a usual manner for a lord of the east. Fortunately for him, the humans in their stupidity had declared war. Upon hearing this he politely excused himself from the Capital. Now that it was official, he wanted to waste no time in preparing the provinces for battle.
As he traveled northeast towards his home in the Northern Province of the daemon lands he came across familiar surroundings. He had never been known to experience waves of nostalgia, but this land called out from his earliest memories. When he was a young cub this land had been home to his mother, a forest of trees with a large fortress hidden away inside. Human settlement had turned it into nothing more than a large manor house built on rolling grassland. He never intended to stop there but the smell of jasmine intrigued him.
He traveled silently to the back side of the manor where he found a young woman near her twentieth moon lying upon the ground. He decided that she was relatively beautiful, for a human. Her heart-shaped face was enhanced with dainty features; small eyes, nose and a rosebud mouth. She appeared to be sleeping as the wind tossed her luminous gold hair from one side of her face to the other. Dozing and haphazardly draped in a snowy white gown, the skirts around her knees, the woman appeared at her most vulnerable and he could not deny the urges that assailed him.
With swift movements he came upon her and knelt beside the warm body. A rhythmic heartbeat that was not his own resounded in his ears and his nose was filled with the scent of her jasmine perfume. Slowly her eyes opened and her lips parted in silent shock. The woman sat up and scooted away from him, as if she were shy. He smirked in amusement, agitating the young woman.
“You are trespassing,” she managed to say after a pause. Her voice was as light and airy as the wind that caressed them both and filled with indignation. He chuckled causing her to blush prettily upon her high cheekbones.
“I am trespassing, my lady, because this was the ancestral home of mother’s family. Long before you arrived here, of course, and I had a mind to visit it briefly.”
“What do you want?” she asked studying the daemon with a calm curiousness that few possessed when alone with a monster. However, monster was an inaccurate description for a perfect creature such as himself. He possessed long white-gold hair pulled back away from his aristocratic face. Electrifying violet eyes caused her to breakout in gooseflesh and for her mind to go numb.
“All I desire from you is a few hours time.” Lulled by his silken voice she lost herself completely in his gaze and hardly noticed when she ended up in his arms as he made his way towards the back entrance of the manor. She vaguely remembered ordering the servants away and directing him through the house to her bedroom.
He laid her upon the bed and, after undressing her slowly, proceeded to make love to her with the utmost care. At dawn he disappeared into the morning mist without a word. She was left only with a vivid dream of his ethereal eyes, burned into her memory, and a child born of their union.
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I really enjoyed this start! I liked your descriptions, though they were a little airy, I found them very engaging and interesting.
I found it slightly strange that he randomly hooked up, perhaps if there was more interest shown or something.
Other then that, I didn't notice any issues grammatically. Though it might have been good to have a gap between when the woman speaks and he smirks. The dialogue is really close and it was a little disconcerting.
One thing though, when you say that 'she asked,' the 'she' should be in lower case as in: "What do you want?" she asked.
Anyway, really can't wait for the rest of the story, keep it up!
It scares me that the one thing people seem to dislike about this prologue is a quality that I was intentionally going for. If it helps these characters do not play a main part in this particular story. It was supposed to be an airy, romantic, and Victorian-esque one night stand. (Those happen all the time, come on! Haha)
Anyway, fixed the gap and the capitalization error, thanks for noticing them. Chapter One is up and I'd love for you to read it. :]
Hi there!

I'm very interested in this. Since this is a prologue I'm not going to harp on the lack of detail about the girl. I wish I could have more background information about her, but I'm sure it'll come in later chapters.
One suggestion: put a break after the first paragraph. You know, like a line or three astriks (***) set in the middle. That way the reader knows that you are switching from her view to his. That confused me a bit.
Overall this is a great start. There's a good level of mystery in this prologue that makes me want to read more. Let me know when you post the next chapter.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Took your advice about the page break. I never thought about it being a problem, thanks for mentioning it. The first chapter is now up. I'd love it if you would take a look.
While I find it all a tad cliche (handsome daemon, beautiful girl, random sex, inevitably half-daemon-half-human child) but that doesn't mean that it wasn't well-written or compelling. In fact, I'd be more than willing to read on to the following chapters. I would've liked if there was some genuine relationship between these two characters, and that perhaps this was just another one of their many meetings or something, but perhaps that's just a personal complaint. This really was well-written, and I want to read more - that's all that can be asked of a prologue.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
I do apologize for the cliche. It's a bit of a Neo-Victorian theme so I was trying to channel my inner Romanticism writer. But the compliment helped soften the blow. I never thought about having these two characters interact much more than what is written above but now that I think about it....I don't know, I'm interested on how that would play out.
Thanks for the review. The first chapter is now posted. ;]