Clear blue skies,
a bald eagle flies.
Oh how I wish I could fly,
to feel freedom in the sky.
Astride a steed,
of magnificent speed.
Flying across the ground,
something akin to freedom is found.
Fast and free,
the blur of the land is all I see.
Among the sleek back of my horse;
Looking ahead, trusting only him to choose my course.
As quick as we parted,
we're back where we started.
Breathing heavily for air;
I rub him down, so I can turn him out into his lair.
From the courtyard I stand,
glancing to the sky with my gear in hand.
Another bird flies on by;
a moment more and his call,
and again I have the urge to fly.
I wrote this many years ago, but felt it should be the first to be shared.
Thank you for your time.
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First off the imagery. You were okay with that.
Secondly, ''From the courtyard I stand, /glancing to the sky with my gear in hand.'' What gear? I don't understand that.
Third ''Fast and free,/the blur of the land is all I see./Among the sleek back of my horse; /Looking ahead, trusting only him to choose my course.'' I thought you wanted to fly? How'd the horse come in?
Fourth, ''to feel freedom in the sky'' shouldn't it be ''the freedom''? Idk my opinion there.
Fifth, ''As quick as we parted,/we're back where we started./Breathing heavily for air;/I rub him down, so I can turn him out into his lair.'' You had a different topic (almost) For the stanzas so i'm assuming your still talking about the horse?
Sixth, '' so I can turn him out into his lair.'' I'm assuming you mean put the horse in the stable? Make that a little clearer.
Other then that i really liked it and feel you demonstrated the want to fly well. Good Job!
Gear, is the tack I refer to, that you use when riding a horse. I apologize for the confusion, sometimes I forgot, not everyone is from the equine world. >.<
I used the horse within my poem (granted I wrote this when I was 14, after a trail ride with my uncle) As for me, the closest thing to flying in the sky, is riding upon a horse. The feel of the wind upon your face as you travel across the ground, in leaps and bounds. When running you feel like you have the wings of a bird.
Okay that made everything clearer. Thanks!
Hey! ajruby here for a quick review.
And now onto the review.
First off, welcome!
I love the imagery in this poem and just as an idea, I think this would be amazing as a shape poem. (Just a suggestion.)
1. "From the courtyard I stand,
glancing to the sky with my gear in hand."
It's a little confusing as to what your gear is. Is it what made you fly? Or is it something else?
2. "Among the sleek back of my horse;
Looking ahead, trusting only him to choose my course."
The rhythm doesn't quite sound right on these two lines, so maybe shortening the last line a little bit might help.
I would like to point out that these are very picky details and I think you did a marvelous job! Can't wait to see more of your work!!
-Lady Ariana
Thanks for the input =) I know it has its' mistakes, I wrote this way back when I was around 14 roughly.
By Gear, I meant it as "Tack" like the tack you use when riding a horse.