Unraveled Memories

This was a very nice poem. Well thought out and brilliantly executed.

Dance around the bloody roses
Veil your face in the thicket of lies I love this line! Good imagery.
Run away from all that matters
Until you suck the marrow dry [color=#FF0000]Very nice.My Favourite stanza. It's good that it's the first one because it really drew my attention.[/color]

Once there was hope and sunlight
Peace like a gentle dove
You were my graceful angel
I was your undying love
Your flow is a bit off in this stanza.

Our dreams were unending
But those were soon to die
By one way or another
It was crushed by the stream of lies This line ruins the rhythm in this stanza. Its still good though.

And now you're gone
With nothing left behind
Except a few simple words
"I love you, goodbye"
Good stanza.

Hopeless you run
And hopeless I cry
Hopeless they see you
And hopeless I try I like the repetition of "hopeless in this stanza. Nice touch.

Very nice poem! Keep up the good work!

I loved this poem, and it's a WHOLE lot better than most of my stuff every turns out when I try to write it wide awake, let alone half asleep XD. Though i did want to point out a few places that were.....hmm....bothering me.

Like here:

Our dreams were unending
But those were soon to die
By one way or another
It was crushed by the stream of lies

The rhythm is just.....off here. I can't really put my finer on why, but it doesn't flow with the rest of the poem. My advice would be to read through a few times and see what you feel fits the best, or if you like it to much and think what I'm saying is just a different opinion .

Also:

Hopeless you run
And hopeless I cry
Hopeless they see you
And hopeless I try

This is a great stanza. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it except that it is your LAST stanza. I feel like you cut off in mid sentence. You don't explain what you were trying to do, why you were trying to do it. I would either use the same terminology in another stanza above (making this line a repetitious line, and a great way to end it), OR I would add another stanza or two explaining what you're trying to do.

Over all great poem . Good job and keep writing!

nicely written about the memories and how they are so fragile and can go away in a whiff of a moment ,it's very important to keep these memories stored which also helps us experience things better .For eg if someone has hurt you and been rude to you ,then the next itme this were to happen wth you again,the previous memory sould flash accross and help you out with the responses you gave out that time and what you should be doing now