*Note- I'm doing this for a school project. Persuasive essays are most defiantly not my strong point, and I'd love some feed back!*
Look around your classroom, assuming there are others in the room. At least 3 student per classroom will commit suicide by the age of 20. Out of 10 surveyed teachers, 8 considered student-depression to be serious, but are not sure how or who is considered depressed. Student-depression should be considered and taken, in schools and generally about society, as a serious mental illness.
Grades are an important part of a student's future, career, and life style. Through recent studies, NYU finds that 'Depressed students tend to focus less and receive lower grades'. Without proper knowledge for the future, a student would be overwhelmed or panicked in the real, 'outside' world. Most schools are allotted a counselor. But, though a counselor may help, it won't help a student with grades. If teachers were to take depression seriously, they may be able to help students receive a better grade. As well as giving students a better understanding of the topics discussed in class.
Depression starts out at a young age. Stated by an unnamed author on the website 'youngminds.org', over 70% of students who commit suicide in their life were never diagnosed with minor or severe depression. Suicide is a serious cause of death, nearly the 6th leading cause in the United States. Every day, 2,000 people in America commit suicide. If teachers were to take action to depression and treat it as a serious case, there could be an opportunity to save hundreds of lives. Even a training program for teachers, revolving around depression, may help the teachers become more aware. According to 'youngminds.org', "1.4% or about 62,000 aged 11-16 year-olds are seriously depressed". This could be changed, if only student-depression was taken seriously. Imagine, from your school, about 50 people. Imagine them dead by 20. Some people wouldn't care. 'It's not my life, why should I care?' But wouldn't it be better to save their lives?
Most people carry around a life-long problem; For many people, it's depression. Though not too common, severe depression sticks with a person until the day they die. Imagine being a student and suffering the agonizing pain that is depression. If not treated at a young age, it will follow the student around for the rest of their life. According to 'nami.org', by college, suicide is the third leading cause of death in college students. If student-depression was well known and taken seriously, we could not only prevent suicide, but prevent a life-long battle of depression on students, current and used to be.
We can make a change in this epidemic of student-depression. Together, as society, we can make the world, teachers, even parents away of the seriousness of student-depression. Imagine classes for teachers, making teachers aware of what to look out for. Or getting a longer counseling session, where a counselor would be here everyday for extended periods of time. Maybe even informing students of where they could go to receive help, depressed or not. All of this would benefit students, teachers, and the next generation's plan of success. As shown above, depression, especially in students, is a serious mental illness.
Student-depression should be considered a serious mental illness, to the world and it's humanity, for the good of the students life and grade, and lifestyle. With action, we can change the way teachers and society look at student-depression. With everybody's help, society could turn a new leaf on the real mental illness that is student depression.
Work Cited
http://www.nyu.edu/life/safety-health-wellness/live-well-nyu/priority-areas/mental-health.html
http://www.youngminds.org.uk/training_services/policy/mental_health_statisticsq
http://www.nyu.edu/frn/publications/millennial.student/Mental-Health-Hernandez.html
http://facts.randomhistory.com/2009/07/15_suicide.html
http://www.save.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=705D5DF4-055B-F1EC-3F66462866FCB4E6
Teachers;
Mrs.Warner
Mr.Sharp.
Mr.Lauof
Mrs.Wike
Mr.Batson.
Mr.Mongolio
Mrs.Alison
Mrs.Wallace
Mrs.Brown
Mr.Sharp
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First off, this was amazing.
I only have one real suggestion for you. You mention how crippling depression can be (and it is), but you don't mention how this is true. I would give some background on depression: what it is, symptoms, common thinking patterns, things like that. Most people know at least a little bit about depression (as most are touched in some way by the illness), but that knowledge is usually not extensive. Adding that background information would demonstrate the severity of the illness.
I also want to say that what you say is so true. Depression among students in incredibly serious, and this goes unnoticed by many, many people. I've had problems with depression for about three years (though for the past year it's been increasingly infrequent). Having to deal with school and that at the same time is extraordinarily difficult. This should be recognized more as an issue, so I am glad that people like you are beginning to speak about this.
Wonderful essay!
--Grey
Hi!
I think I will start by telling you that I had severe anxiety and depression when I was 13/14. I had an illness, chronic daily headache, which is quite similar to chronic fatigue syndrome. I had agonising headaches that were just horrendous and as a result I missed two years of schooling. When I first had time off school I had no friends at all, in fact I was bullied by my so called " best friends" who accused me of lying about being ill. I was in and out of hospital every week but was eventually told I had a chronic illness and that there was nothing any doctor could do for me. I was devastated, how could I be expected to carry on in so much pain? I couldnt face waking up the next day being in pain, let alone consider being in this pain for the rest of my life. And at the same time I was so lonely and had fallen so far behind on my school work I feared I'd be stuck in school forever struggling to get the qualifications I needed to succeed.
Fortunately for me, I had the support of my mum, without her I don't think I could've pulled through. I had a counsellor but she refused to admit there was anything physically wrong with me and came up with the most insulting comments I could imagine to someone in my situation. I'm not a sensitive person but to hear people tell me "you're just being overly dramatic, you have no idea what depression really is" hurt a lot. I lived every day feeling like there was no possible way my life could get better and I'll admit that I considered committing suicide on multiple occasions.
Like I said, my mum was my rock. She was the one who convinced me to start building my life up again. Though I felt no better, I started at an educational placement for two hours a day. It was a small group of students who, due to anxiety and depression, could not attend mainstream schooling and run by two amazing teachers. I also started back at my stage school on the weekends and began excelling in that. I think you might be American but I'm British. And in Britain we do GCSE's. They are a range of two year courses in year ten. Without GCSE's you'll get nowhere but I had missed out the whole of year ten due to my illness'. But I persisted and with all the support I was lucky enough to receive, I returned to school in September to complete my essential GCSE's in a year. I have now already finished maths, receiving an A grade and in my January exams I received A's in chemistry and physics, a B in biology and A's English.
I think that within your essay you should mention that suicide is never the only way out. Even when things seem at their most bleak there is always a way forward.
I really liked the points you made within the essay, you have taken such a strong view on the topic and used a range of persuasive devices that should ensure you get a good grade. I really do agree with you that if more support was available and students could be assessed and receive a diagnosis of depression lives could be saved. Without people like my mum, supporting and encouraging all the way, suicide is becoming ever more popular and your article is raising awareness and changing the way people see student depression. Like I mentioned a lot of adults aren't prepared to admit the affects depression can have on young people but your essay is definitely going to change the views of many people, I'm behind it all the way! There may be a few grammatical errors here and there but I'm sure you can see them yourself and will change them before you hand it in. I don't trust myself to correct the. For you, haha!
Well done, fantastic job!
Keep writing!
Faithless
Sunshine here to review....
Well for someone who doesn't have persuasive writing as a strong point, you have successfully persuaded me. Now for a couple of nitpicks:
"Look around your classroom, assuming there are others in the room. At least 3 student per classroom will commit suicide by the age of 20."
That first sentence is really weird. I feel like the first two sentences should be combined or rephrased.
"Many people carry around a life-long problem. For many people, it's depression."
I don't like how you have many used in 2 sentences in a row. Add a little bit of variety. Maybe "most people carry around a life-long problem," instead of "many people carry around a life long problem."
"Though not too common, severe depression sticks with a person until the day they die."
I think that though should be although.
Other than those little nit picks good job! You'll defiantly get an A!