Published February 18, 2013
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140,225 Literary Works • 673,047 Reviews
Hello there! Sarah here for a quick review. :3
Hmmm...this poem came across to me almost like a riddle. Maybe it's the rhyming scheme, or the fact that I'm struggling to figure out what it means. I understand that poetry is meant to be an experience, not a problem to be solved, but I am finding it difficult to understand where you're coming from. Excuse me if I'm being dense. xD
However, although I don't understand the poem as a whole, there a bits and pieces that I really like. The first two stanzas, for instance, ring true and are worded beautifully. I applaud you. I just wish the entire poem was like this, instead of diamonds in the rough.
As dogs suggested, maybe a bit more description would help. Whatever made you write this poem must be important to you, and the readers want to know about it! This has a lot of potential. Keep writing and good luck!
Sarah
Dear Seastormy,
I like this poem your words are quite good, but there's a slight problem. I don't feel like there's much purpose to any of these words, and while I strongly agree with the opinion that a good poem needs to, well, roll off the tongue if you would, it more importantly should have true purpose behind its beauty, or whatever its supposed to be. But I do think you have potential as a writer, keep on working, I know I'll be reading.
Hello there story! Dogs here with your review today. To start, I really love some of your word choice and imagery that you use here. It works incredibly well in this piece and you use it brilliantly. Although, there are a few things that I think you might need to add in just to make some more excellence out of this piece. Let's dive in now shall we?
"Savagely demonic intent,"
Excellent way to start this piece, I love the imagery that you throw in this line. Way to start off on a strong and powerful imagery with excellent vocab. Love that bit.
"And crackling ice fire."
Ok, so this line is a little contradictory and creates a weird image in the readers head. I don't think it really adds to your poem or your descriptions because it's a little awkward and odd. Maybe try re wording it.
"And death came by the Liar."
I think you just jump to this line far too quickly. It seems a little too fast that you reached this conclusion. You need to flesh this piece out, add in some more description about the sugarcoated evil. Also, while adding in those descriptors you need to let us know how the death comes upon the liar. Give us a stronger image as how becoming revealed results in death for the Liar.
All and all this is a good piece, you have some just fantastic lines that I really love. But you need some more excellent writing in here just to give some more material to latch on to. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh