The night air was warm and crisp, the slight breeze billowing my hair as I led Kasey down the dimly lit street filled with awkward shadows and empty darkness. She stopped abruptly, leaning over slightly and dry heaving before she finally spit up. Normally, I'd be more sympathetic, but filled to the brim with bitter liquor I found it hard to contain a few giggles.
"Maybe you shouldn't have drinkin' so much." I finally spoke as Kasey fought hard to overcome another bout of sickness. She raised a shaky hand and shot me an indecent gesture, to which I only rolled my eyes. "Just saying."
"Obviously." She hissed throatily, trying to glare over at me but not quite meeting my eyes. "I hate how we have to walk back."
I shrugged in indifference. If I were being honest, I hated how we had to walk back as well. It was a bit of a nuisance. However, the party, of which we were currently leaving, was only just down the street and though I would count myself okay to drive, it was better to walk back safely. I guess. I swung the shoes I was holding in my hand lazily, their bottoms scraping against my bare legs and leaving the spots they touched irritated. Walking barefoot was a bad habit for me, especially after drinking. "At least we aren't halfway across town."
"I just want to be home." Kasey groaned, straightening up and leaning on me once more. I guided her forward, taking a left on to her street when we approached the road. A dog sprang at it's fence as we walked past, unimportant to us now that we could see Kasey's house at the end of the street. It wasn't the house that captured my attention, though. Standing, slightly past the mouth of the driveway, was a very tall stranger.
"Hey Kasey, do you see that?" I whispered, gesturing nonchalantly at the figure. Kasey peered at the person for a second and groaned.
"Dude, just ignore them, whoever they are." She picked up her pace and I obliged. The closer we got, the more I could make out of the person. It had to have been a girl, because she was wearing extremely long heels and she had a purse draped over the crook of her arm. I tried to get a glance of her face, but the shadows fell precisely in the way.
When we finally made it to the driveway, I still couldn't make out her face, but I could see that she had blossoming blonde hair that reached down past her bust and that she was dressed in a very nice looking attire. She seemed a little too sophisticated to be in this neighborhood. I stopped at the drivewy, but Kasey continued up toward the house.
"Just ignore her dude." She shouted without looking back. "She's probably just a homeless person."
Homeless person, my ass, I thought with an edge of annoyance. If she's homeless than I'm Buddha.
"I'm sorry to bother you at such a late hour." When she spoke I had to focus hard. Her voice was soft and hard to hear. She stepped into the light, an almost shameful smile playing on her beautiful features. She had warm brown eyes, like mine, covered in thick black liner. "But I was taking a midnight stroll when I got an urgent call. Could I trouble you for a ride?"
I stared at her uncertainly for a moment, taking in her appearence once more. She didn't seem dressed up for a midnight stroll. I bit my lip nervously. "Oh, sure, I guess. Where do you need to go?"
"You know the elementary school past the boulevard?" I nodded. "I live in that neighborhood, if you could drive me?"
-writing still in progress-
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Howdy!
I’m going to review your work! ☺
This is very good, I only notice one possible error:
Unless you intended this not to make sense it should have a ‘been’ between have and drinkin’.
I think this is really well written and it is obvious that you have proofread it. I can’t wait to read the next part!
Should be billowed
I liked this sentence, it made me chuckle, mostly because I have had quite a few friends in the same position.
I like the idea and picture of him swinging the shoes, but the last part of the sentence about them leaving “irritated” spots on his legs just seems unnecessary and a weird thing to comment on. I would personally just leave it with him swinging the shoes, and then refer to how walking barefoot was a bad habit.
The whole dog point seems pointless, especially since it is so unnecessary you don’t even comment on it since you can see the house. I would get it if the dog scared you, or frightened you, or something, but I feel like it is just wasted words having it in here.
You accidentally wrote this part of your sentence in past tense. So it should be, “It had to be a girl…” or something like that as you are seeing her now, not describing how you had seen her before.
Just me, but I don’t love the wording. Talking about how the shadows fell precisely in the way, it would make more sense if you said, “I tried to get a glance of her face, but the dark shadows blocked everything but the soft curve of the strangers mouth.” Just an example, up to you.
Haha I liked this sentence, made me chuckle.
Alright maybe this is just me, but I usually don’t offer strange rides to woman I meet at night. As a reader I need more of an explanation then the fact that she might look slightly alluring to explain why he is giving her a ride. Maybe add in that usually I wouldn’t give a ride, but the amount of alcohol I had consumed that night made me feel invincible, and here was a lady in need. Or something… I don’t know, I just want more of an explanation for why he agrees so readily.
Anyways that is my two cents, take or leave what you want, and nice start!