Hey all I'm new and just wanting to see what ya'll think of some of writing. This was my very first poem I wrote in about three years and was wanting to get some criticism. So here goes.....
And He Came
She was about seven
Maybe going on eight
She still retained her aura of childlike innocence
He fed from it
The clock missed the strike of one
Though he didn’t
Nor did he miss the strike of two or three
She wasn’t ready for this
God no
She wasn’t
Screams sound off into the streets
Yet only one came
Him
She was seven
Going on eight
Her birthday would be at exactly one
Tears from a mother
Tears from a child
On the floor
A broken mirror
A child once was
Never to be
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Woa, okay that was unexpected. Poor child.
The atmosphere was set from the beginning and stayed consistently dark. Very good writing skill, that is. I could picture everything (unfortunately). A good, and sad, read to be sure.
I liked the atmosphere of this poem. Good work.