Published March 4, 2009
I just wrote this a couple of days ago and I don't know if it's any good or not. All critiques are appreciated! 
Valentine
I didn’t have anything else
so I used a Post-It note,
little and thin and yellow,
with the sticky strip folded down,
and black ink from a cheap pen.
I made my handwriting longer and thinner,
formed the s’s and r’s differently
(not that he’d recognize my hand anyway),
and I put my two secret lines down
in bare ink, on real paper –
solid, staring out, anyone could read them
but I folded the paper twice,
sealed it with a little piece of tape,
and wrote his name on it
after looking over my shoulder.
Then I put it in my pocket, gingerly,
went experimentally to the box,
and no one was there.
I needed to make things right with myself
so I dropped my secret inside,
a little piece of me all alone,
and I thought of his hands unfolding it.
The slot in the top of the box was wide
so I could see what was already in –
a pile of thick, glossy paper with pink and red printed hearts,
the kind you punch out of sheets,
and I thought, mine isn’t a valentine anyways,
not exactly.
It was unassuming, inevitable, irrevocable now
a tiny dull yellow square on top
with his name facing up. I felt exposed
and I left wondering what I’d done.
Somewhere, this girl is hiding
behind little paper folds
and she didn’t put her name down.
She’s a coward.
I hope it makes him happy
and I hope he never knows.
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Canary word: Present
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141,690 Literary Works • 675,575 Reviews
Hello, I'm Colt, and I will be critiquing your poem this evening.
This poem was superb, I loved it. It was connectable, and flowed well. Like Rory, I was left with a lasting impression and wanted to know what happened and what was written. That was stellar. There was some stylistic devices in here as well, lots of parallelism.
The description was amazing. I felt like I was there, watching it.
Should that have parentheses ( ) at all? I would just add a comma on the line above and take them out. Poems do not need parentheses, and if they are for explaining, like Nate said in the rules, you aren't doing your job as a writer correctly.
In should be inside, it flows better. (So I could see what was already inside -)
Not exactly doesn't fit in there, I'm not sure whether to like it or hate it. Since the poem doesn't rhyme, you should add more alliteration and repetition.
Thanks so much for critiquing, RoryLegend! I really appreciate it.
Yay! First critique.
You really left me wanting to know what the heck she wrote down on that post it note! That is the mark of a good writer, leave them wanting more!
I quite enjoyed this. I love reading poetry. This was cute and serious at the same time. You made it sound childish and all grown up. I think every girl feels that way about some guy somwhere.
They want to tell him exactly how they feel just with out risking rejection so they will settle for him never knowing who it is that likes him.
This was a super poem. I just wish I knew what she had written! Haha, well done.
Bravo!
-Rory