The Sakura fall,
A tsunami of beauty.
Only you compare.
I haven't been writing for a long time, so I'm sorry in advance.
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hi, Scottie! Scotland? I love Scotland!
5-7-5. Yes, it's a haiku.
Hope that helped, bye!
Ahem. Yeah, it's definitely a legit haiku, as you said. I like it that there's a few Japanese words (no matter how known) to bring out the roots of haiku poems.
The second line is "a tsunami of beauty". If this was an ordinary poem, I'd like the metaphor a lot, but I would perhaps say that the word "beauty" is a bit vague, and not strong enough in this case. But since this is a haiku, my criticism is pointing to the whole metaphor itself. What I have been "taught" in haiku is that actual metaphors and similes aren't used, but instead, the haiku should be phrased so that it sort of creates the metaphorical language by itself. I'm not very good at explaining, but let me give you one of my favourite haikus as an example:
Now, you see that he doesn't use one metaphor or simile (maybe the "piercing cold", but it's a bit different) and still manages to tell a powerful story, at least in my opinion. Therefore, the "metaphors" or the poeticness comes from the haiku itself, and not necessarily any linguistics tricks.
Still, I think this was a sweet haiku and did its job well. This is just sort of a heads up. Haiku are fascinating little poems, and I definitely encourage you to write more of them.
Demeter
x
I had to look up Sakura, but once I found out it added a nice dimension to the haiku. I know both "sakura" and "tsunami" are connected because they are Japanese words, but what if you found a second word that connects to the blossoms in place of tsunami? Because when I think of a tsunami I think of an enormous wave of water, often with negative connotations (due to the enormous damage caused). Blossoms are rather delicate and very lovely. Just a suggestion.
Other than that, I enjoyed it.
–antimelrose
Haha, I could pretend to be sagaciously deep and try to analyze the hidden meanings behind every syllable, but I have to say that ScottieRAWR is just about right.
But anyways, it's very well written, simplistic in form but abounding in meaning. Just like a haiku should be. Applause for you.
I don't think anyone really knows how to review a Haiku, other than counting the syllables and saying.
"Yes, that is a haiku"
I like this, it is so simple, and very sweet. I really don't know how to review haiku's so sorry haha. Just wanted to let you know I like the description, and everything.
-Flower-