Twilight felt a cool breeze on her face as she trotted along the path toward her home. It was one of Luna's most gorgeous nights; the crickets chirped their age old songs, and the lightning bugs flashed their bright, shiny lights. Luna's moon was full and casting its rays of moonlight down onto the land of Equestria. These were the nights that Princess Twilight adored most of all. It reminded her that Princess Celestia now had her sister back. She could remember how she and her friends defeated Nightmare Moon, and how happy Princess Celestia was to have her sister back after 1,000 years. She smiled as Princess Celestia thanked her, and her friends, for saving her sister.
As Twilight passed Sugarcube Corner, however, her smile vanished. It was replaced with a frown; afrown that could not accurately convey the sorrow she felt at that moment. What could turn a pony's smile into such a sad frown? To see her, now destroyed, home is what. To see one's home alive, sturdy, and showing no sign of weakness, then to see it burnt, mangled, and completely destroyed in the same day can make even a happy pony like Pinkie Pie feel significant sorrow and anguish.
Twilight let out a depressed sigh as she slowly trotted towards the remains of her old home. She could feel the cool, soft dirt underneath her hooves, as she patiently trotted towards her destination. As she took another step, she heard a quiet crinkle, and could feel no dirt there. She looked down, and saw a small, partially burnt piece of paper under hoof. Using her horn, she gracefully used her magic to create an aurora around the piece of papyrus, and carefully levitated it up to her purple eyes.
"From all of us together, together we are friends. With the marks of our destinies made one, there is magic without end." Twilight read aloud, recognizing the words as the revised version of a spell, originally crafted by Star Swirl the Bearded, Twilight had learnt. She remembered that hectic day in which all her friends cutie marks were switched around. She cringed as she remembered how Rarity had arranged the clouds into a checkerboard pattern.
"Oh Rarity, you always have to make a pattern don't you." she quietly whispered to herself. Before she could continue reminiscing, she was interrupted by a loud crash. Startled by the loud noise, Twilight swung her head back and forth, frantically trying to find where the sound had come from. Her head stopped right where part of her home had fallen, due to the strong forces of gravity. She walked over to the part which she could now identify was the rest of her bed. She could feel her purple eyes beginning to grow moist. She could feel tears welling up inside her. She lifted her hoof, and gently wiped her eyes.
She started to look around what was left of her bedroom. She saw some soft, white cotton that had once been used in the mattress of her bed. She saw some sharp glass, which used to be part of her brightly, gold painted lantern, which stood beside her bed. As she walked around the rubble, she noticed a handle sticking out of a pile of wood. She used her magic to move the wood away, and gently lifted the object. As she studied the peculiar object, she discovered that it was her old hairbrush.
The hairbrush's bristles had been disintegrated by the immense heat created by Tirek’s beam. The wood, miraculously, had only been slightly burnt, and was still strong and sturdy. Looking at the brush reminded Twilight how she had first met Zecora. She remembered how silly it had been that she and her friends had thought that Zecora was a witch doctor, and had cursed them; how Applebloom had been the only one to attempt to talk to her, rather than just fearing her. She smiled as she saw all her friends at the spa,being treated with the magical potion that Zecora had given them.
"Those were great times, weren't they?" Twilight quietly said to herself. She decided to keep looking through the house, and try to recover as many items as she could. She walked around to the front of the house. After being there so long, Twilight finally took a good look at the damage to her house. Most of the right side of the house was gone, only part of the bottom of the right side had survived the fiery ball. The left faredlittle better than the right. Two big branches remained on the left,which stuck out, and pointed toward the beautiful night sky. The bee hive was gone, and so were all the beautifully crafted windows. The sign out front had been burnt in half, and all the flowershad completely burnt away. The door was gone, too, which made it easy for Twilight to walk inside.
The interior of the library was brightly lit by the moon. The moonlight illuminated the bookshelves. The only things on the bookshelves, however, were ashes, and some bright colors, here and there, where fragments of the book’s covers survived. Seeing the destruction of the many, many irreplaceable books had set Twilight on the verge of tears. Some of those books were gifts from the Princess herself. Some were irreplaceable research journals she had written about experiments she had made. There were photo albums of her friends, her diary about her friends, even the scrolls that she sent to Princess Celestia about her study in friendship. All the memories that had taken place here. From the party that Pinkie threw for Twilight when she first came to Ponyville, to the sleep over between Applejack, Rarity, and herself. All had happened here.
Twilight gently laid herself onto the floor, and began to sob. After all she had seen and remembered, she couldn't take it, and stopped holding back her tears. Faint crying could be heard from the library as Princess Twilight damped her fur with tears. She cried and cried till she could cry no more. She lay there, saddened by the events of the day. She got up, and started to walk out, but then she stepped on something. Like before, Twilight cast a magical purple aura around the paper and lifted it up. Looking at the piece of paper, she saw 6 faces smiling at her. Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and even she, all stared back at her. All 6 of them had large grins on their faces,all the while looking directly at her. She couldn't help but smile back, and remember when they had taken that picture.
Twilight held, with her magic, the first picture they had ever taken, together. All of them happy, and unaware of the adventures and friendship they were soon to experience. Twilight smiled, and continued to walk out. She was no longer sad or depressed. She was happy, and hopeful, for she knew that no matter what happened, her friends would always be there for her, and she would always be there for them
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
My daughter's adore My Little Pony and since I stay home with them, I've watched like every episode twenty times. So I know exactly what you're talking about in this piece. I like how you have summarized some of the best episodes and given us a little more insight to how Twilight feels about these memories.
My only critique is that at times you go a little overboard with descriptions. It is one thing to try to help your reader envision the scenery and it is quite another to describe exactly what it looks like. For diehard MLP fans, we already know what it looks like. For readers who may not watch the show, allow them the freedom to use their imaginations. Even if you're very specific with your details, it still won't look the same to every person.
Here are my guidelines when determining whether the description you've written should be kept or if you should get rid of it.
~ Does it move the plot along? For example, your description of the hairbrush helped move the story along because it reminded Twilight of the time she first met Zecora.
~ Does it invoke a sense (other than sight) or a strong emotion? Always keep descriptions that will make your reader feel as if they're right there. What does the remains of Twilight's home smell like? How does Twilight physically feel when she sees her destroyed books? She could be overcome with sobs that seem to strangle the very air out of her. Descriptions like these are always welcomed.
~ Does it help us understand your character better? For instance, the description of the destroyed books is a good one to keep because books are so valuable to Twilight. It helps us to better understand what is important to her, which allows us to better connect with her.
If it doesn't fit into these guidelines I would consider cutting it out of the story. If there is a description that doesn't meet these guidelines and yet you can't bear to get rid of it, then keep it. It is all about finding a balance.
I hope this review has been helpful. If you have any questions or need anymore help please don't hesitate to pm me. Keep writing!
Hello! very good job. I like how you portrayed twilights emotions especially after all that has happened in the series to her. i could really sense the character development and her fondness at looking back at her memories. i enjoyed the casual references back to other episodes of the series and how she felt about each one of them. as a my little pony fan, i was very happy with this fanfiction, overall good job.
The beginning felt like a pickup of something else? I do like the fact that you used correct grammar and punctuation where needed. The story made me happy, although it was short. Thee emotions were very, very human. I liked that. I relate to some things that happened to her, and I also relate to a lot of the emotions she feels in the aftershocks. Good job!
Well, I have never been much of a fan for my little ponies, save for the older version (but I am old lol)
It was a little hard to know what/who you were writing about because it felt like it was starting in the middle of something and without any backstory at all it made it hard to know what you were writing about initially. There is a bit of a flowing issue, with how your sentences continue into one another. Kind of a halting feeling, but overall I liked how you focused on her inner emotions and pain. How she tried to be brave, but she finally broke down to release all of her pent up feelings.
The happier ending was nice too. It really showed the inner strength to the character and how friendship could make even the darkest of times brighter.
You have to have watched the season 4 final to understand what happened. By that a guy blew up Twilight's home and she is coping with it in this story