Published July 28, 2010
This is a little poem I wrote to vent some of my teenage angst 
I have a tendency to write with a more Shakespearean view on pronouns, so bear with me. Enjoy!
O smoke and mirrors
How thou envelop so lovingly
Caring for our wants, but nothing more.
Absorbing and reflecting the light of truth
To create a final product most in tune.
O smoke and mirrors
Thou gave false hope in weakness
And true despair in strength.
O smoke and mirrors
Thy smoky tendrils and gleaming beams
Make all so not as it really reams.
O smoke and mirrors
I concede to you my perspective
Of a reality most unbeknownst to me.
Lead me down the path of the arrogant and stubborn
In hopes of what I yearn for most.
O smoke and mirrors
I cry out to thee!
Save me from the terror of thought!
Save me from the rigor of rationality!
Save me from plight of perception!
Please, I beg of thee!
O smoke and mirrors
I bequeath to thee
My inner-self: my soul, my heart.
To do with as thou shall please.
Show me what I desire,
In a world a tad less dire.
O smoke and mirrors,
Thy surreality is my one and only reality.
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Thanks to the both of you for time, I really appreciate the reviews! I separated the poem into separate stanzas, as was suggested, and went along and started some lines in lower case... guess my nightly ravings get a little too emphatic?
I also edited a few lines here and there, and for flow's sake, I removed the "tad less dire" line and the one before it.
O smoke and mirrors,
how thou envelop so lovingly,
caring for our wants, but nothing more.
Absorbing and reflecting the light of truth
to create a reality most surreal.
O smoke and mirrors,
thou gave false hope in weakness
and true despair in strength.
O smoke and mirrors,
thy smoky tendrils and gleaming beams
make all so not as it really reams.
O smoke and mirrors,
I concede to you my perspective
of a reality so unbeknown to me.
Lead me down the path of the arrogant and stubborn
in hopes of what I truly want to see.
O smoke and mirrors,
I cry out to thee!
Save me from the terror of thought!
Save me from the rigor of rationality!
Save me from plight of perception!
Please, I beg of thee!
O smoke and mirrors,
I bequeath to thee
my inner-self: my soul, my heart
to do with as thou shall please.
O smoke and mirrors,
thy surreality is my one and only reality.
I'm going to dive straight into this and see what we can do to shine some gold.
You're a believer in the "every line of poetry must begin with a capital letter", aren't you...? You'll be shocked to discover that each line does NOT have to begin with a capital letter. Write it with correct grammar at all times, use correct punctuation, and treat the poem as a paragraph with frequent line breaks. For example:
"O smoke and mirrors, I bequeath to thee my inner-self: my soul, my heart to do with as thou shall please. Show me what I desire in a world a tad less dire."
See how it works as a paragraph? If you ever question punctuation in a poem, write it as a paragraph and then insert your line breaks as such.
And speaking of line breaks, please apply the spaces as I applied them... A bulk stanza like you have written is intimidating and, to be honest, I didn't even read it until I had it spaced out. The poem didn't really speak to me, so I don't have an overall review for it. I liked the way it's written in the old-style English. Keep it up.
-Lumiface
Hey, so I'll make this fast. No nit picks, I'll leave that to someone else.
One thing I noticed was that although you had really good rhyming going on for the most part, the places where you put "O Smoke and Mirrors", seemed to not really fit a pattern. If you could try and set a pattern, that would probably help. Also, one thing that might help with a pattern is you could divide up the poem into separate stanzas. I really like it though. I think I'll give it a like!
Good job and keep it up
-Isaac