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16+ Violence

The Castle Bridge Is Falling Down [A Parody]

by ScarlettFire, Apricity


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

I've had London Bridge stuck in my head all night, and then it morphed into "the castle bridge is falling down", so here you go. Enjoy my parody of your childhood nursery rhyme. XD (Flite helped! ;) )


The Castle Bridge Is Falling Down [A Parody]

the castle bridge is falling down,
falling down, falling down,
the castle bridge is falling down,
my fair lady

build it up with ash and tears,
ash and tears, ash and tears,
build it up with ash and tears,
my fair lady

ash and tears will wash away,
wash away, wash away,
ash and tears will wash away,
my fair lady

build it up with sticks and bones,
sticks and bones, sticks and bones,
build it up with sticks and bones,
my fair lady

sticks and bones will not stay,
will not stay, will not stay,
sticks and bones will not stay,
my fair lady

build it up with blood and hair
blood and hair, blood and hair,
build it up with blood and hair,
my fair lady

blood and hair will bend and bow,
bend and bow, bend and bow,
blood and hair will bend and bow,
my fair lady

build it up with fingers and eyes,
fingers and eyes, fingers and eyes,
build it up with fingers and eyes,
my fair lady

fingers and eyes will be stolen away,
stolen away, stolen away,
fingers and eyes will be stolen away,
my fair lady

set a man to lose his heart,
lose his heart, lose his heart,
set a man to lose his heart,
my fair lady

suppose the man should fly away,
fly away, fly away,
suppose the man should fly away,
my fair lady

give him to the enemy,
to the enemy, to the enemy,
give him to the enemy,
my fair lady


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Tue Jan 13, 2015 1:29 am
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Rook wrote a review...



Heyo!

I love twisted nursery rhymes. They seem to muffle an echoing void in me just a little-- you know the one that goes "this song, at a drop of a hat, could be the creepiest thing." I think you turned it around wonderfully.
I totally have had one stupid song stuck in my head for a longlonglonglong time and now this one's in my head oh golly, so I know where all this violence is coming from. :P

That said, this could use some work.
First thing's first.
I know this is a nursery rhyme, and not everything has to make sense, but-- and bear with me here-- isn't that why nursery rhymes are left in the nursery? Most... "adult" songs have some sort of meaning behind all of their words (OR AT LEAST THEY SHOULD! GRRRR MODERN MUSIC), and most kid's songs are nonsense, because kids don't really understand that the song has a meaning, so it doesn't really matter if it does or not.
Obviously, your parody of this is not meant for children-- it's meant for adults who, like me, find some twisted pleasure in seeing their childhood taken and turned dark. So, why not make this have some sort of deeper meaning? That's what I'm really getting at here. I'd love to see some sort of story. WHY is the castle bridge falling down? In what way does it fall? Why are we using body parts to build it up again?
I like the metaphorical possibilities of using body parts, but I didn't see the metaphor play out into something I could grasp. Perhaps you could let the falling down of the bridge be part of this metaphor too? I'd love to see that. Perhaps the bridge is some symbol for government, economy, environment, world relations, mental health etc. Those are the kind of poems that stick with the reader. As this is, I'm not sure what your point was.

Also, I'm not sure how the last three stanzas fit in. How does a man losing his heart build up the bridge? Also, what do you mean by "set?" Also, the penultimate stanza seems like a fragment. Suppose he SHOULD fly away. Then what? Also, how can he fly if his heart is gone? Like, I get that maybe you're not being literal, but let's look at the preconceived symbols:
Steal heart-- the heart is full of love (and blood), right? So if you take it away, that would mean that the man has no love, and is thus cold (probably because of his lack of blood).
Fly-- in my experience, flying always has good connotations. So if he's lacking his love-pumping heart, why is he doing this action that is connotative of good?
Anyway, that's just an example of where these persnickety little things can get you if you don't pay attention to them.
I know you might think that it doesn't matter, but if you want this to be a truly great poem, and not just something you did for fun (which is alright if that's what it is, but I reveiew things so they can one day be included in "best poems of the 21st century (jk like I know enough for that).), you need to think about the deeper side of things, and how the audience might interpret it. Right now, the audience is thinking this is just a silly poem, but I think it can be more than that.

Also, I agree 100% with Aley. Fingers and eyes don't fit the rhythm, nor do I think they are the best choice to have there anyway. Also, the sticks and bones' second stanza doesn't quite fit rhythmically either. And I suggest changing "the castle bridge" to just "castle bridge."

I'd like a better ending on this too. Do they ever find a way to rebuild the bridge? That's kind of important. When I finished the last stanza, I kind of looked around for more.

Anyway, I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any questions!
~fortis




Rook says...


Also, you know what else I'd love to see?
Some change from "my fair lady" to something much more twisted. :)



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Fri Jan 09, 2015 4:52 am
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Morrigan says...



I don't like this. It creeps me out. As Aley mentioned, the meter is off in spots. But really, who would think of taking a children's rhyme and twisting it like this? Lord almighty. Kinda awful, really.

;)




ScarlettFire says...


Haha, Mags. I'm a terrible person. Goes to show you Flite is just as bad! We're terrible, so terrible. XD I'm sorry it creeps you out!



EscaSkye says...


This seriously made me laugh, haha. @Flite, we reached our goal. ;)



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Fri Jan 09, 2015 4:38 am
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Aley wrote a review...



Hey guys!

So reading this I know you tried to keep with the beat but a couple spots had too many syllables to work well for a child's nursery rhyme, which was unfortunate. It was amusing. I liked how you started with building things upon one another making a sequence of events, but after "Blood and Hair" you lost it. Fingers and eyes have no reason to be stolen away, all of those words have too many syllables, and they do not lead to using a man because men were already used. They were bones after all. "Use the dead" would have been better and made more sense than fingers and eyes since fingers and eyes are so small they would make crappy building supplies. Why just fingers anyway? Why not entire carcasses? It seems like they would be in better abundance.

So overall I think the idea is there, you have the tune clearly, but you should work on "fingers and eyes" and how that's going to connect to using men's hearts because again, doesn't quite seem like it's a big enough solution. You could go into a metaphor of the "lady" being a girl who's been invaded romantically, so using the man's heart would be to use his emotions for her against him, which would make sense if you had a transition between an actual castle with a lot of blood shed to a castle that's figurative...

Anyways <3
Good luck.




ScarlettFire says...


Thanks for the review, Aley! It's parody, it's not meant to exactly like a nursery rhyme. It was just meant for amusement. XD It's also not meant to make sense or connect or anything. I rewrote it mostly for laughs, but I'll consider your suggestions for next time! <3



Apricity says...


Thank you so much- <3



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Sun Jan 04, 2015 9:48 am
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EscaSkye says...



Does this count? :P Haha, but seriously now, when I read this in the feed pad, I couldn't help but chuckle.




ScarlettFire says...


It was fun. I couldn't help myself. It had to be done!



EscaSkye says...


Yup. It had to~



Apricity says...


I would review...but it feels weird reviewing something with my own name in it.



ScarlettFire says...


Oh, Flite. You're so silly. <3



EscaSkye says...


Why are we the only ones commenting so far? Noooo. D:




Poetry and prayer are very similar.
— Carol Ann Duffy