Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
Well. It's over two months late, but here it is none-the-less. The next chapter! So yeah. Scarli got major writer's block, but now she has a new computer and heeeeello muse! Why am I talking about myself in third-person? Nevermind. Anyways, here's the chapter. Enjoy!
Word Count: 2106, approx.
Chapter
Seven
Kaj
waited while Devon stared back at
him. He hoped the older man wouldn't do anything stupid. Then again,
he probably wouldn't considering he was, er, tied up at the moment.
Kaj told himself he wouldn't take advantage of that, and decided to
remedy that. He set to work on removing the gag, tossing it aside
once the knot was undone.
"You
take me prisoner, tie me up, gag me and drag me through the forest,
then a village," Devon began, voice growing in volume with every
word, "and then leave me with a pervert, and all you have to say
is 'we need to talk'?" The older man snorted, wincing as Kaj
brushed his fingertips over his right side. "Honestly, I'm
insulted."
"Insulted?"
Kaj asked, raising an eyebrow. "That's what you have to say? I
would have thought you'd be more colourful after your snappish
comment a moment ago."
"Oh,"
the older man ground out, "so you heard that? I was wondering;
thought you weren't listening to a word I said."
"You
can't judge a book by its cover, Devon."
Devon
glared at him, eyes narrowed dangerously. Kaj stared back,
impassive--at least, to the older man's eyes. He tried to throw up
that fascade of impassive soldier, but he wasn't sure it worked. "I
don't give a shit about judging things," he snapped. Kaj frowned
at him. "Well, what did you want to talk about?"
Kaj
shook his head, moving to the side and taking a seat on the bed so he
could reach Devon's wrists. "I talked to General Ollen," he
said, taking a moment to study the rope binding the other man's
wrists before he began to tease the knot apart. Devon was tensed as
when he place one hand on the other man's shoulder to keep him
steady. "He told me that the Emperor did indeed have a son."
He hesitated, unsure how to continue. Devon shifting uncomfortably
made him finish off the rope and move away. "But according to
Ollen, the boy was assumed dead over twenty years ago."
He
watched as the other man shifted until his arms were no longer behind
his back, wincing as he covered his side. Devon glanced towards him
as Kaj went to go find the pack he was sure Baraq had left behind for
him somewhere. "That's not very reassuring," Devon said,
smothering a groan. "Did he say anything else?"
"General
Ollen said he saw the boy once, when he was the Conquerer's
prisoner," Kaj replied, finding the pack and digging through it.
He glanced towards Devon, noted the way the other man held his ribs
and winced with every movement. "Said the boy wore servants
clothes, but followed the Emperor everywhere. Ollen says the kid had
the prettiest eyes he'd even seen."
Devon
stared at him, shock evident on his face. Clearly, he hadn't heard
this before. Kaj had a feeling he probably hadn't even known Saeron
was there. He watched as a frown crawled over the other man's face,
bringing worry lines and creases into sharp relief. "I don't
remember any of that," he muttered, and shifted his gaze away
from Kaj's.
"Maybe
the memory was taken from you?"
Kaj
watched as Devon's head jerked up and the other man's frown deepened.
Devon shook his head and shifted further back on the bed. He watched
as the other man settled in to lean against the foot of the bed and a
soft grunt. "Even if it was," Devon muttered, rubbing his
side gingerly. "Why would someone take it from me?"
"Shouldn't
you be asking who?" Kaj gave him a meaningful look before
turning his attention to the bag. He pulled a satchel bound with a
thick strip of leather out of the pack and set it aside, reaching in
to pull out another satchel. He could feel Devon's eyes on him,
curious and wary. Kaj picked up the first satchel and strightened up,
turning back towards where Devon sat on the bed. The candlelight
flickered, suddenly casting half of Devon's face into darkness. "I
would think it'd be pretty obvious, Devon."
Devon
glowered at him, the low light casting shadows across the walls, and
glanced away. He remained tight-lipped as Kaj moved to join him on
the bed, hesitating only slightly before he sat down. He placed one
of the satchels off to the side and turned to the second one. Kaj
frowned as he began to slowly unwind the leather from the satchel.
After a moment, when the satchel was untangled and the contents
spilled across the bed between then, Kaj sighed.
"At
least let me check those ribs for you," Kaj said, picking out a
wad of rolled up bandages. Devon cast him a suspicious glance but let
him do as he'd requested, wincing only occasionally as he pressed on
a tender spot. When exhaled and pulled back after several minutes,
setting the bandages aside. "Well, the good news is you haven't
broken anything."
"What's
the bad news?" Devon asked, eyeing the medicinal supplies
scattered across the bedspread.
"Your
whole side is bruised," he replied, noting the way Devon's eyes
darted about. He started gathering up the supplies, making sure to
count them carefully. "It's going to be sore for a while, so
take it easy." He glanced up, catching Devon's eye just as the
other man happened to glanced up at him. "Did Baraq hurt you?
Throw you into something?"
"He
pushed me and I stumbled into the foot of the bed."
Kaj
gave him a long, considering look and then shook his head. That did
sound like something Baraq would do, and considering his
second-in-command's behaviour towards Devon, he was hardly surprised.
His jaw clenched and Kaj stood up abruptly, swiftly gathering up the
last of the supplies and shoving them into the satchel. "He does
lose his temper ocassionally," he muttered, ignoring the way
Devon rolled his eyes. "I think I'll go talk to him."
"Don't."
Startled,
Kaj looked up. Devon's expression was determined. He gave Devon his
full attention. The older man shuffled towards the edge of the bed
and stood slowly, and a little stiffly. Kaj waited until he was on
his feet before striding over to the pack. He shouldn't listen to his
prisoner, shouldn't let this man get under skin. But it was too late,
wasn't it? Devon had already done so, and there wasn't much he could
do about it. Kaj wasn't sure what to think--or feel--and considering
they'd only met a few days ago... Well, that just seemed to put thing
into perspective. No matter how attractive he found him, no matter
how much Devon pushed--or didn't push--him, Kaj was not going to give
in. Last time he did that, he'd ended up with a dagger in his chest.
Devon,
when he looked, seemed to be confused. Or preplexed. Kaj really
couldn't tell. He hadn't said it, but he'd definitely implied it. The
Conquerer had probably taken Devon's memory. In fact, he'd probably
taken more than just that one memory. It was hard to tell, and Kaj's
sense of magic was a little frayed at the moment. Besides, he really
wasn't that keen on digging through other people's heads in the first
place, let alone Devon's. Who knew what he'd find there.
He
turned away after a moment and the satchel he held back into the
pack. Behind him, he heard Devon fiddling with the other one. That
was fine by him. It was just food anyway, and he figured the older
man was probably hungry. He let him rummage through the food,
readjusting and shuffling about everything in the pack. After a
moment, he pulled a pair of pants out of the bag, followed swiftly by
a shirt and then a jacket. When he turned back, Devon was attempted
to lift his shirt over his head without much success. Every time he
lifted his left arm, he winced. Kaj exhaled and shook his head,
crossing over to the bed swiftly and placing a hand on Devon's arm.
"Easy,"
he said, letting the clothes in his other hand fall to the bed. "Let
me help."
With
some struggling and a little force, Kaj got him out of the shirt and
had it tossed into a corner of the room. Devon grimaced, falling to
sit abruptly on the bed. Kaj left him to it, snagging the shirt from
the bed without looking too closely at Devon's chest. The older man's
side was a mess of blue, green and purple. There were even a few
spots of black and yellow. Some of the bruising looked to be a few
weeks old. What had happened to Devon before he'd escaped Belasi? Kaj
wasn't sure if he even wanted to know. Perhaps later, but right now?
He'd leave it be and just let Devon do whatever.
"Why
are you even bothering?" Devon asked suddenly, and Kaj jerked
back round to face him. The older man was scowling at him, and that
scowl darkened when his gaze drifted downwards. Kaj jerked his eyes
back up to Devon's face. "You don't even believe me."
Kaj
glared at him. "If I didn't believe you, would I have told Baraq
and Silus and the rest of my men that I wasn't going to sell you?"
he demanded, leaning towards him. Devon backed up, wincing when the
movement made his side twinge. "Would I have kicked Baraq out
into the stables? I could have let him fuck you, use you as he thinks
you have been, but I haven't." He shook his head and turned
away, picking up the shirt. "Even a child could see you haven't
been with a man."
Obviously
Devon was sure how to take that, considering the silence now. Kaj
held the shirt out to him. Hesitantly, the shirt was taken from him
and Devon began cussing. He waited a full minute before he head Devon
exhale somewhat angrily.
"I
could use some help," he was finally asked, though the tone
seemed a little sullen.
Kaj
waited a couple more seconds before he turned back, still angry but
willing to help the man. Of course, he couldn't help it when his eyes
strayed. Even bruised and sullen, he had to admit Devon was
attractive. And why the hell was he even thinking about that? Devon
was the enemy. And, of course, he stared as he took the shirt from
Devon and helped him put it on. How could he not? He wasn't sure if
Devon noticed or not, but he wasn't going to mention it--or
comment--unless the Belasian mentioned it first.
"I
was going to make you sleep on the floor," Kaj began, but then
he glanced towards where he knew bruises marred Devon's side. "But
you're injured, so you can take the bed." He waited a moment
until Devon was looking at him before he continued. "I gather
you can take it from here?" When Devon nodded, he left the man's
side and went over to the window. He stared out over the sun-drenched
marketplace, eyes on the flag flying at full mast above the
holdfast's walls. "Take the chance to get some rest. We probably
won't be staying in an inns for a while after this."
There
wasn't a response from Devon, but Kaj assumed that was answer enough.
After a moment, he heard a grunt and then the sound of shuffling
clothes and blankets. Devon had taken the bed, like Kaj had
suggested. That was fine by him. He probably wasn't going to sleep
well at all now. Not after what he'd spoken with General Ollen about.
Saeron Ollen was a soldier, yes, but he was also a very wise man, and
he had twenty years experience on Kaj. The Conquerer was moving on
Verlisia, and he wasn't doing it alone. Apparently, he had Harvati's
military on his side--he had
taken
over the kingdom--and then there was Droa.
Kaj
was pretty sure that was going to be a bad thing, and bad things
usually meant everything was about to get really shitty. Droa had a
reputation, and it wasn't a pretty one. They were so screwed if
Daeron was actually going to invade. Kaj knew the Verlisian Queen was
dying, but had that news spread beyond the kingdom? It was entirely
possible. After all, there were Verlisian spies beyond the border.
Why wouldn't there be Belasian? Or even Droan spies? The war was
about to take a turn for a the worse. Kaj hoped he had chosen the
right side, else he was definitely going to die in the near future.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hey Scarli! Sorry it's taken me so long to get to this chapter, I've been a little busy lately.


I felt like I had a really good grip on my surroundings and environment even though technically I couldn't “see” anything. I felt that you really made great use of showing through other (and often forgotten) senses. Great stuff!

This is going to be quite a short review, mainly because there aren't really any problems with it or more accurately any real improvements that I can suggest. Though really it stands as testment to how good your writing is.
I would like to leave some pointers on the progress of your overall novel instead. So far what's been great in this story is the lovely sense of flow. Changing chapters or even viewpoints is an easy and smooth experience and isn't jarring like it sometimes can be. You say that you've written this chapter almost two months after the previous one yet it still has that seamless feel about it and really if you hadn't had told us I would never have known.
The characters in this story are great, I feel like I've got a really good feel for most of them, especially Kaj. Even Tirani's brief viewpoint was great and I felt that in that one chapter I got to know him fairly well. The only character whom I feel that I haven't really connected that strongly with is probably Devon, strangely enough. I don't know why, maybe it's just me or something but I'll just mention it anyway. I just don't feel that I know him as well as I do with the others. Maybe as the chapters progress though that will change
Another key element I would like to mention is pacing. Although the individual chapters themselves have great pacing within them, I feel that at this point or at least fro this point there should start to be a change of pace, even if slightly, to provide some variation. You've already begun to do that with this chapter by providing some movement with the camps moving settlements which is great. I would say that it's a good idea to continue along that vein. So far most of your chapters have been internal contemplation and/or conversation, it's great to have a little more movement, like in this chapter, to change up the pace and add variety.
I wanted to finish off by commending you on something which I thought you did great this chapter, and that was being able to describe the setting, or helping the reader “see” the setting while our point of view was effectively blind. I thought you did an amazing job!
Keep up the awesome work and happy writing!
Silverlock
Scarlett~
It's been a while, so I'm not sure if I remember everything, but I'll do my best to give you a decent review. I've also skimmed through these other reviews. Hopefully I won't repeat anything.
I haven't forgotten I'm your sage
It's so nice to have these characters back :3 I hope you're not just teasing us and won't post another chapter for another two months ;n;
I, actually, like Rosey, had trouble keeping everything straight. I think you need to have a reread because some things were hard to understand because the wording was really funky.
Okay, stupid question, and this may just be how late the hour is for me but when he says he doesn't remember any of that doesn't he mean any of this:
I read this part at least three times, and I still wasn't able to really grasp what was going on.
Just a side note, these are the kind of sentences you need to look for when you reread:
My big issue though is that Kaj's feelings toward Devon (and I'm not talking about his attraction but the fact that he actually seems to like Devon) seem unfounded, illogic, and rushed. I understand wanting to move on with character interaction, but you have to slow down. Perhaps I've forgotten a conversation between Kaj and Devon that would have warranted this sudden trust, but I don't think I did. It's kind of offputting as it is right now.
I do love the interaction between Kaj and Devon though. xP I just think that it needs a little more development before we reach this point.
I'm excited to see what goes on next. Let me know when the next chapter is out.
See ya,
Megs~
Hello.
Haven't read any previous parts. Just going off what I see here.
This was actually interesting, and it was enough of a snippet I find myself wanting to read more. However, this could be an artifact of me jumping in so late, I was very lost as to who was in the room, who was speaking, and generally struggled to keep everything straight.
Knowing who's there and where they are is important when you're dealing with a multiple person conversation, and you can do that fairly easily as every person's speaking. As they speak you can have them lean against something, or move, or generally behave in a way that characterizes them and makes the scene come to life.
Right now, the voices come out of nowhere, and it's difficult to really get a grip on what the place looks like. You might've described it in a previous chapter, but that doesn't mean you can't keep using your setting to your advantage. Having people use it not only characterizes how they use a space, but also helps readers keep track of who's who.
This was, however, a very interesting concept and I'm looking forward to seeing how it turns out. The dialogue flowed along smoothly and the prose was similar, although it honestly could use a touch more characters using the scene so voices don't come out of nowhere.
Hope this helps. Let me know if you have questions/comments.
~Rosey
Welcome to the near future! You can come in here and die. (Is still trying to add bad finishes to other peoples work) Hello there! You've got an interesting chapter here! I have to admit that i haven't read the rest of the chapters yet, so I might screw something up because I'm too lazy to read the other ones...yet. So you don't have to forgive me, but i just thought i should let you know. XD

So, I especially liked the way you started this chapter out. I think I'll take a leaf out of your book and start posting a word count in the front so people don't end up missing school because they're trying to read my 10 page chapter. XD And c'mon, what self respecting author DOESN'T talk about themselves in third person sometimes?
Your story seems sound so far, and I haven't spotted any major (or minor) plot holes, so gratz on that. Of course, there were a few grammar mistakes that really don't matter and nobody really cares about, but I just thought I should mention that so I don't come off as too friendly. (Say no to strangers.)
""I could use some help," he was finally asked, though the tone seemed a little sullen."
In that sentence, I would replace "He was finally asked" with "He finally asked" Because you really don't need that linking verb there. HE IS UNWANTED.
That was pretty much the extent of your mistakes, and I am eager to read the rest of your story! Write on!!
TEAM ROCKET IS BLASTING OF AGAINNNNNN (But this time we have a stylish new rocket to do it with.)