Hi! Merry Christmas in July! I'm your Secret Santa I'm reviewing this and another story. Any corrections like spelling/grammar with be in BOLD. I will write comments.
Kincade The Doctor?
Mikel eyed the man standing in front him, then flicked his glance to Khalid. His friend was frowning. Mikel returned his gaze to the strange man and tilted his head to one side, looking him up and down. “Don’t I know you?” he asked, shifting on the weird bed. He’d asked Khalid what is was earlier, and Khalid had informed him that he was in a hospital. But Mikel was sure it wasn’t any hospital he’d known before.
Your start is pretty good. It hooked me on, per say. I got interested. I love your characters names, so unique.
The doctor tilted his head in kind, studying Mikel. “How do you feel?” he asked, completely disregarding Mikel’s question and replying with one of his own. Mikel frowned and glanced towards Khalid before looking around the room. Everything was white. Mikel hated it. “Mikel, I asked you a question.”
The boy sighed, shaking his head and trying to meet the doctors eyes. “I feel confused,” he said, dragging the sheets up to his chin. “I can’t remember anything and I don’t know where I am... Khalid told me, but it’s not familiar.”
The doctor frowned at him, then started humming. Mikel looked at Khalid when the man would have touched his back. The other boy stepped up and took a hold of the man’s wrist. “Please be gentle, Kincade,” he said, keeping his voice low. The door was open, and Khalid didn't want to be overheard. Mikel could understand that.
So far, the story is building up to something, right? I can feel that. I feel the confusion of Mikel. Which is a good thing.
Kincade shook off the boy’s hand without reply. “That’s understandable, Mikel,” he said, casting Khalid a warning glance. Then he proceeded to check over Mikel to make sure the boy was okay, ignoring the way Mikel squirmed in the bed. “You’ll be fine,” he added and headed for the door.
Mikel exchanged a worried glance with Khalid as the strange man named Kincade disappeared through the door. Khalid sighed and shook his head, moving over to the bed and perching on the edge of it. Mikel leaned into his friend and whispered, "I don't think he's a real doctor, Khalid."
They eyed the doorway warily for a moment before Khalid decided to reply. “I think I agree, Mikel.” He snorted. “Weird man.”
I thought something would happen at the end, nothing special hit me though. He's not a real doctor? Is there a part II somewhere to this? It's a good story, I just thought it would have this exciting ending, you know?
OVERALL: Great piece. It was well written. It flowed together well. I was interested. This story is different from the ones I normally read. I'm still wondering, what's up with that Doctor?
Keep Writing!
PM me anytime!
-Nike
Points: 314
Reviews: 267
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