z

Young Writers Society



Epilogue: Wasting Hours.

by Sariseen


“... if only you could see them!” Jae whispered, staring blindly into the flames of the campfire. A dull green woolen blanket was clutched tightly about his shoulders as he knelt, seemingly in a state between thoughtful and meditative.

“He's delusional.” Wren said softly to her brother, tears stinging at her eyes as she watched the young man stare into the flickering fire.

“We were too late.” Koth sighed deeply, his heart clenching. “Two years in a dungeon, buried alive. It's a wonder he survived at all. If only... if only I had come sooner.”

“It's not your fault.” The girl whispered. “If anything, you saved him. The Imperial Army would have executed him had he been caught above ground.”

“And we would have done so ourselves had they not invaded the capital.” The man clenched his jaw tightly, gritting his teeth. One could have easily said that the Throne of Ice and Fire had saved him.

Suddenly the young man's eyes snapped up, locking with Wren's for a split second. “... the Arclight.” He whispered to himself, seemingly in a daze. “The Arclight, lighting up all darkness... so beautiful... pristine. Like... like a sunset.” His fingers reached out, brushing against the flames. “So many truths... so clear to me now. So many lies. So true. So clear.”

“What happened to him?” Wren said gently. “How did he survive two years buried alive? Chained to a wall? Nearly dead to begin with.”

“I don't know.” Koth shook his head.

“... The Arclight.”

The flames from the campfire cast a halo of dancing shadows into the woods surrounding the exhausted trio. In a sense it was beautiful, the dull glow of the Ember Mold on the trees catching the light and sparkling like diamonds. But in reality, none of the three had the heart to appreciate their surroundings.

For this was no longer Sycorax.

And Koth and Wren were no longer prince and princess. They were fugitives in enemy territory, with nowhere to go.

Their survival had been a matter of pure luck.

Their decision to save Jaecron had been a matter of simple morals.

And the situation they now found themselves in was, quite simply put, hopeless.

With a massive bounty on each of their heads, they would never be able to show their faces in either Sycorax or the Thronelands again. It would be an eighty mile walk to the nearest friendly face. Eighty miles of the most treacherous land in all of the Bletholas.

With no food.

And no tools.

And no supplies.

The situation was not lost on either of the siblings.

“Uncle Bruune will probably take us in if we can reach him....” Wren suggested softly.

“It's eighty miles across the mountains to Veimoor, then another hundred and fifty to the nearest port.” Koth sighed. “And then, if, by some miracle we are able to scrape together enough money for a ship, it's a six hundred mile sail to the far side of the Dreadlands. If we reach Sidion, then what type of position will we be putting Uncle Bruune -whom I haven't seen in fifteen years- in?”

“Like it or not, the Throne of Ice and Fire is now the most powerful nation on the Bletholas. If we turn their attention to Sidion, there will be no hope. Just more war. I will not lose two wars in one lifetime.”

“You're overthinking things....” Wren shifted uncomfortably on the rocky ground. “Right now all we need is a plan.”

Koth shrugged. “We can hide in the mountains, build a home up here, and live our days out peacefully, not disturbing this world ever again!”

There was a long moment of silence, broken only by the crackling flames.

“You know I can't accept that kind of life.” Wren said finally.

“I can.”

“Maybe....” She broke eye contact with her brother.

“Maybe it's time we went our separate ways?” Koth asked sharply, finishing her sentence. It was hardly a question.

But she nodded still. “Do what you must brother.” She whispered. “But I will head to Sidion. I will build myself a new home in the north. Somehow.”

Koth clenched his jaw sharply. “I see. And you will do so at the risk of destroying all of Sidion with you?”

She hesitated, nodding slightly. “I can only pray that by the time Nar Kann finds me, his anger will have cooled, and he will leave our pasts behind us. If not... then he may have my life. But I refuse to live in fear of him.”

He nodded slightly. “Very well. Do what you must!”

“And... Jae? He will come with me!” The statement was half request, half demand.

Koth glanced over at the huddled figure by the fire. “You truly think you can care for him? Like that?”

“I owe him to try.” She replied.

“Very well.” Koth nodded again. “You had best begin tomorrow morning. You can take the supplies. I will fend for myself.”

“Are you-”

“Yes! I'm sure.” Koth grimaced. “Try to get some rest. You will need all your energy.”

Wren nodded, standing. Unfolding a blanket from her pack, she spread it out on the ground and rolled herself up in it, facing the fire, staring quietly up at Jae.

Koth watched as her eyes slowly closed.

Defeat was so bitter. This level of defeat destroyed all emotion that he somehow felt should have come along with the pain. Their family had been annihilated, their people decimated, their home burned to the ground, and their hopes and dreams crushed.

He couldn't even bring himself to hate Veln and Nar Kaan for what they had done. All he felt was... emptiness.

Taking a roll of paper from his pack he gently unrolled it and began drawing. Wren would need a map.

Dawn broke seemingly only moments later. Kaan's face and fingers had gone dead numb from the cold. He gently cracked his eyes open, looking around. He must have fallen asleep as soon as he finished the map.

A light dusting of snow had fallen during the night, effectively dousing the fire and covering their little forest meadow in white powder. A white mound showed where Wren was.

It took him a moment to realize what wasn't there. A second white mound.

He slowly stood, looking around their campsite.

He was gone.

He gently stepped over, giving Wren a gentle shake.

She shifted slightly, looking up at him through sleepy eyes. “Oh... good morning Koth.”

“Jae's gone.”

“... What?”

“Jae's gone.”

She jolted upright, suddenly wide awake, looking about frantically.

Quickly she stood, raising her hands to her mouth. “Jae!” She cried. The sound echoed into the woods, quickly fading to nothingness. “Jae!” She cried again.

Koth shook his head. “If he'd left recently there'd be footprints.” He clenched his jaw. “He's long gone, Wren. And we can't track him.”

Instead of stating the obvious as to Jae's condition, Wren glanced down at the snow by her feet. “What's this?” Reaching down she picked up a piece of paper.

“It's a map I drew for you.” Koth replied.

“No...” She held it up for him to see. On one side was, indeed, his map... but on the other side was a hastily scribbled message.

I'm sorry.

I can't explain to you why I'm still alive. Or what I saw.

What kept me alive these past two years.

I can only ask for your understanding when I say that a great number of truths have become clear to me. Truths about myself, my past, and about this world we live in.

Koth. Do not blame yourself for what happened. Your loyalty is your strongest trait, and while I am sure it will one day lead you to your downfall, I am confident you will stay true to yourself until that day. It was my honor to serve under you as the Lord Annihilator, and also as your friend. Nothing has changed in my mind in that respect.

Wren. I am sorry I wasn't able to save Sycorax. That apology is true to both of you, but most importantly to you. I pray that you find peace some day. I wish I could have helped you find it myself, but there are things I must attend to. Things I have forgotten for too long.

We will meet again one day.

Your friend; Jaecron Nar Flamezone.

Tears trickled down Wren's cheeks. “He's ok!” She choked. “He's going to be fine!”

Koth gulped, holding back his own emotion. How strange it was that he could still feel such things.

There was a long moment of silence.

“Thank you.” Wren finally whispered, clutching the letter and map in her hands. She glanced up. “Thank you to both of you. I think... I think it's better this way. I feel I can move on now.”

Her flooding tears spoke of more pain than she let on, but Koth kept his peace, nodding instead. “Go, Wren. Find Sidion. Find Bruune. Find happiness.” He reached over and tossed her pack to her, which she caught awkwardly. “Everything you should need is in there.”

“Koth... I...”

“Just go.” He nodded sharply. “Jae was right. One day we will meet again. All of us.”

Turning away, he swept up his own pack and paced into the woods. She would be fine. And it was better this way. It would make it easier for her to walk away.

He didn't look back.

He refused to look back.

Wren gulped down an icy breath, turning to face the woods the opposite direction from which Koth had gone.

One day.

She would find them.

She would find Jae and tell him. Tell him how she felt. How much she regretted everything that had happened. How sorry she was.

One day.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
15 Reviews


Points: 1616
Reviews: 15

Donate
Sat Jul 01, 2017 8:47 pm
Shota wrote a review...



Just dropping by for a review. You have have any questions feel free to let me know! I did enjoy this, and some of my comments are opinions and nit picks so feel free to do what you will!

... the Arclight.” He whispered to himself, seemingly in a daze


I'm wondering if it should be said to Wren and not himself since he locked eyes with Wren?

whom I haven't seen in fifteen years- in?”


Maybe he is a little self absorbed, but shouldn't it be "whom WE haven't seen in fifteen years", since it is not only his uncle but also his sisters. This almost implies that maybe his sister has seen him sooner?

Defeat was so bitter. This level of defeat destroyed all emotion that he somehow felt should have come along with the pain. Their family had been annihilated, their people decimated, their home burned to the ground, and their hopes and dreams crushed.


This first sentence in bold did not work for me, and I can't put my finger on what it is. Maybe it's the fact I don't know what "level"'the defeat is at? I mean you go on to describe how they have lost everything, and maybe it's odd to me that loosing everything made his emotions non existent? I think I want him to feel something, or at least be wrestling with the fact that he has no emotions. It could also be the fact that I would accept him feeling "numb" from the loss, but "nothing" doesn't give me anything to relate or connect to this character with. The other odd part is you start the paragraph with the fact that the defeat was "bitter", an emotion, but then go on to say he has none.

Final comment is the fact you say "their" four times in the last sentence of this paragraph. I'd see if you could cut a couple out to add to the flow.

He slowly stood, looking around their campsite.

He was gone.

He gently stepped over, giving Wren a gentle shake.


All the "he's" muddle who you are talking about in this section. You use he for Koth and Jae I'm assuming, but there is no distinction between who your talking about and I was confused for a second.

Final thoughts :

I found it an enjoyable fun read for sure. It was odd to me that you started with an Epilogue and not a Pologue, because we don't know the history or what has really happened, which as a reviewer leaves me slightly disjointed, but what the heck a challenge is always fun.

Also I want to pick on the names you used. Now usually I don't do this by principle, mostly because I hate people who harp on the names that we as writers choose, because it's our story and our damn choice! That being said I just wanted to point out a couple things...

Koth - I like this name, but it reminds me a lot of Kvothe from Patrick Rothfuss' novels. Just throwing that out there because I tended to picture his character when reading the name. Not a bad thing, just throwing it out there.

Throne of Ice and Fire - makes me think of George Martin a Song of Fire and Ice. Not a bad name, but I think of George with it. Maybe I am just nit picking, so feel free to ignore it.

Flamezone - and the last one, I loved how unnique most of your characters names, this one just seemed rather plain so it stuck out, just saying.

So I'm still not sure if I should have said anything about the names, you do what you will with them, lol.

Good job overall, I would be interested to read more and see what had actually happened. But you got a nice... ending or beginning here




Sariseen says...


Flamezone is actually supposed to be a super plain name, lol. That's the point. If I ever post more you'll figure out why.

Koth is just a random name I came up with. I have no idea who this Kvothe guy you're referring to is. I try to keep my names simple enough that they're easy to pronounce/ remember, but obviously run the risk of being accused of plagiarism... which is never the case.

I didn't know about that song either, it so happens.

The specifics as to confusion with too many 'he's' and 'their's' is something I'll clean up once I finish drafting. It's good to point that out though. I can keep an eye open for it.

The concept for levels of defeat in this case are simply:

1: A physical defeat (overpowered)

2: A mental defeat (outwitted)

3: An emotional defeat (betrayed/ played)

Koth is was a commander of his own army, and considering this is his first true defeat, he's having a hard time coming to terms with it. Being torn between actually accepting it and trying to improve himself and move on, or hiding from it and claiming it was a fluke/ trick / he can't feel anything.

When people get beaten (specifically in a fight) they tend to get an attitude of either "I didn't lose, I can't lose, I never lose" or "I lost, I need to get better so I can win next time". That's assuming they don't just decide to ignore it -though that's more or less just picking option number one.



Shota says...


Yea good to know, like I said it's a challenge reviewing the end of a book lol. And a song of fire and ice is the name of the book series by George Martin. It's called Game of Thrones for tv though, it's just so popular I wasn't sure if it had influenced you, but since you didn't even know it I doubt it has! look forward to reading more if you post it.



Sariseen says...


... I've never watched game of thrones actually. Had a line of miserable reviews for it and decided not to.



Shota says...


Yea me either, I just love the books :)



User avatar
373 Reviews


Points: 46306
Reviews: 373

Donate
Sat Jul 01, 2017 2:32 pm
PrincessInk wrote a review...



Welcome to YWS! It's just Knight Ink on a round of the After Watch!

It's odd to post an epilogue first? But I'll do my best to review this. Since I have no knowledge of what happened before, I'll be reviewing on what I see here. I enjoyed reading this segment, though! Despite the possible epic fantasy feeling I'm getting from here, there's no huge chunks of infodumps. The dialogue is pretty natural as well, and there was a right amount of emotion mixed in with the scene.

I'd like to bring out an issue: dialogue punctuation. This is incorrect:

“I owe him to try.” She replied.


Because "replied" is a said tag, you have to put a comma after a period and put the "She" in lowercase. So it should be

“I owe him to try,she replied.


This is correct:

“Very well.” Koth nodded again. “You had best begin tomorrow morning. You can take the supplies. I will fend for myself.”


Because this is an action beat (Koth's nodding), it's alright to put it this way.

More info here.

One technical thing I noticed that there was quite a bit of "-ly" adverbs in the first half of the epilogue. I'd suggest searching for "-ly" and figuring out how many you find :p. The reason adverbs aren't particularly good in writing if they aren't sprinkled in the text is that too many adverbs=weak modified verbs. Strengthening the verbs itself will be better.

One part I'm not quite sure about is that how Jae could start by mumbling about the Arclight as though he wasn't quite sane and then after that leave a note and run off. If he was pretending or something, it'd be different, but...it feels odd to me. Possibly because I haven't met these characters before the campfire scene occurred. Or maybe there's something I don't know about the plot yet.

So what are his purposes here? Looks like he has some unfinished business somewhere. I don't think explaining everything is the right way to go, but keeping a clear idea of why he's been doing this will be a good idea.

There's something absolutely mysterious about this Arclight and I'm guessing there's going to be a second book here (or this is the second book in a series). So hope this helped, and ask if you have any questions!

Image




Sariseen says...


The point of posting the epilogue first was to get you to review actual content, and not get hung up on details and plot points... which are not things I need help with at this point.

You have some interesting input! I didn't notice I was doing that with my adverbs. The way I write simply reflects the way I think, and I don't consider grammar that often when thinking.

I'll try to figure out a way to remove it and test it -just to see if I like the result.

This is actually the epilogue for the first of two books. I'm not quite done writing the first, and will most likely be giving it a major rework once I finish the first draft.

Jae is in fact the main character, with Koth being a secondary and Wren being quite minor (for the first book anyway). The rest of the book is written in first person from Jae's point of view, but I switch to third person when I need to write a scene outside of his viewpoint. While that may be confusing, it saves massive dialogue and preserves a lot of effect and control.

The Arclight is the focus for the second book, and his transformation from being in a daze to directed and aware are the basis for the beginning of the second book. It isn't supposed to make sense in the epilogue of the first.

The theme for this series is simply that "you can either own your mistakes, or let them own you", and the last few chapters of the first book are essentially just Jae realizing that fact and coming to terms with some of the things he's done. To do that he has to face his fears, and his psychological battle between his will to make things right, and his terror that he can't, and that it's too late kinda fries him for a while.

The idea is that he's a bit out of sorts until one side wins out, and once one side does he can finally move on -hence the sudden transformation.

But as I said, it isn't really supposed to make sense yet. Some readers might be torn apart by this detail, but it will make the overall effect of the series much stronger (I think, lol).



PrincessInk says...


Ah, that makes a lot of sense about that psychological battle of wills ;) Perhaps it's not a great idea to confuse the reader A LOT, but I think that that will be effective if the set-up is great.

I like the theme of this, and I feel as if this could be conveyed without being too preachy. Like characters who pick themselves up from their mistakes and GO ON and win their battles, and other characters who kind of mope and don't face their mistakes.

Yeah, so when writing something like a first-draft, grammar isn't the most important part in the world because the scene where you worked so hard in grammar might be rewritten or cut :p

Good luck with your draft anyway! (And those words ^^ above are just little rambles, so it's not more review material)



Sariseen says...


:3 Well thank you again. Feedback appreciated.



PrincessInk says...


No problem :)




The chains of habits are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.
— Warren Buffet