Published January 17, 2012
It was a dark, rainy night,
When I was sitting outside.
It was a dark, rainy night,
When I was thinking to kill the time.
And I remembered,
When I was a child,
I was dreaming to be a knight.
When I was a child,
I was hoping to win the fight.
And now the child is grown,
And now the dream is gone,
And all that's left is just night and dawn.
All I've got to do is to adore night;
Write some poems about it in the moonlight;
Wait till morning comes so that it brings light.
But wait, something's not right!
Because
When I was a child,
I was dreaming of being a knight.
When I was a child,
I was hoping to win the fight.
And now the child is grown,
And now the dream is gone,
And all that's left is just night and dawn.
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140,496 Literary Works • 673,252 Reviews
This was a very nice poem, firstly I'd like to say that if there is a coma the next line should not be capitalized and not every line needs punctuation only at natural pauses. I would suggest reading through the poem as if it were a paragraph and see where those natural pauses are.
Secondly I'm not sure why this repeats it may have a point to it but I'm not seeing the point, and the ryming thing seems a little bit forced and unnatural. I love the poem other than that though.
Keep writing and have fun.
Thank you!
I really love it. I think you made the flow work really well.
The scheme is fantastic as is the theme.
I really liked it.