Give me a chance,
Take my hand.
I won't bite,
At least not you.
I had this dream,
You were always there for me.
Could it be true?
I mean,
Me and you?
It can't.
It's all in my head.
A fantasy of love,
That will never be true.
I'll never have you.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey there SaraiRayne
I don't usually read love poems or anything that falls in "Romance" but it's a good poem.
I didn't get the rhyming sequence though. A work of poetry is appealing when the rhythmic sequence, literary devices and good vocabulary is wisely used but this poem (I think) needs a re-write. The rhythmic pattern is not clarified and goes off.
It's alright it you don't want to re-write it but at least you should fix the punctuation problems like the below reviewers pointed out.
Good job!
~Gigi
Good job!
I don't normally do love poems, but there's a first time for everything, right?
You have no punctuation! Everything needs punctuation; without it, the sentence just never ends. I'll put some edits in red for you below, and you can see whether you want to change it or not:
For me, this layout is a little strange... but I put the punctuation in that I think works for it. You have one single stanza as your whole poem, and it works for this because the lines are so short- if you put it into separate stanzas, I don't think it would look as good.
The way you word some things is a little strange... it seems like a word is missing on some lines, and this makes it awkward to read.
Despite this, the content was good for a start. It could still do with editing, however.
It won't take a lot of editing, just a bit here and there. But the poem has potential.
Keep it up and good luck with future writing. Don't hesitate to PM if you want.
-Clarity.
Thank you