Published March 19, 2013
My love for you shows in everything I do. It shines in the sun like morning dew. I think of all the times we have shared together. Our secret meetings in at the park. The passion filled kisses in the dark. The long looks filled with a craving and hunger. The touches that stir deep feelings I have never felt so strongly before. The way my heart skips beats when you hold me in your arms. The way my breath catches when you hug me ever so gently. The smiles you bring to my face when you walk into the room. You have made my life better from the day that I first met you. You have become the love of my life. If only you would believe me when I told you "I love you."
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140,224 Literary Works • 673,047 Reviews
Heya there Saphire! I agree with you..if you wrote something,you might as well get n opinion or two on it. So here is mine.
First of all:
Structure.....because of how this rhymes so well and just is naturally phrased it would work best in the poetry form.
You had a few spacing mistakes and little issues that I think were unintentional but that can easily be edited out no problem!
The twist at the end....hmmm .....It makes me wonder...It works well,but I actually think you could extend the piece beyond that and just keep going with some nice drama
Anyhoo...nothing else to say,pretty well done here!! Skyexxx
You know, I thought this almost read like a very sweet Valentine's Day card until the last line. Why the twist?
I think you missed a line in your editing lol. And I'd get rid of either "secret" or "passion filled" in the second line. Being in the dark already implies secret. And it being a passion-filled kiss is implied by the secrecy. The two together strike me as redundant.
Thanks. I guess I missed that.