Published July 15, 2011
Dead Space – Security
One
Josef screamed and struggled, but to no avail. The man, no, creature on top of him slashed at his exposed neck with blades protruding from it’s back, not quite hitting but tearing the thin material covering his skin. He reached for his pulse rifle, lying on the floor nearby, with one hand while trying to hold back the monster with the other, but his strength was ebbing. He was about to die. He knew it.
A burst of gunfire burst his bubble of isolation, catapulting his enemy off of him. It skidded along the ground, before colliding with the wall, leaving a smear of blood behind it. It roared and began to get up, but a grenade exploded beneath it, tearing it to pieces. Josef grabbed his rifle and jumped back into the fray. The Necromorphs were gaining ground. They flooded through the breached door, over the corpses of Josef’s comrades. His saviour did not bother to ask if he was okay, just kept firing in short, controlled bursts at the mindless animals before him.
The security forces began to retreat as they fired. Every now and again, one would use their grenade launcher and an explosion would dismember some of their foes, but most of them would just crawl on, missing legs or arms or even heads.
Josef had no time to think about how this was possible. Every now and again the team would miss one and it would leap towards them. One man was pinned to the floor and the tide of Necromorphs instantly devoured him, cutting his screams with a bloody gurgle as they tore into him.
The group backed through a door, still firing. Josef’s weapon clicked. He swore.
“I’m out of ammo!” He screamed, but nobody heard him over the explosions, roars and gunfire. He heard a muffled shout from the man next to him, something about a door. He instantly knew what to do. He smashed a Necromorph that had managed to surpass the hail of bullets with the butt of his gun, sending it reeling backwards, before slamming a button on the wall. The door closed slowly. Almost too slowly. As it closed it crushed several Necromorphs which had almost reached them, spurting blood and brains over the floor.
Two
Josef backed up against a wall, panting, and opened his visor. He wiped the sweat from his brow with a shaking hand. The others did the same. There were only four of them left now, all terrified despite their training. The Necromorphs created a cacophony of noise outside, banging against the door and roaring and screaming.
“What the hell are they?” Josef groaned, knowing the answer but not quite believing it.
“Necromorphs.” Answered Graham, the squad’s leader, “Zombies. Call them whatever you want.”
The team stood in silence for a full minute, reflecting on their situation. Josef slid down the wall and clutched his head, sniffing. The adrenalin was disappearing, and now the gravity of their situation was dawning on him.
“Who did we lose?” He asked shakily.
“Rick, French and Jack, all dead. Banner’s missing.” Zack said.
“Christ.”
More silence.
“We’re safe now, aren’t we?” Josef was asking all the questions.
“Yeah. We should be alright, nothing can break through that door.” Zack replied.
“Unless one of those fucking Brutes comes along.”
Josef could barely remember their encounter with the giant, even though it had taken place only a few minutes ago. It had torn through a security door with ease, smashing and tearing the inches thick steel, before charging them on all fours. They had opened fire on it, but it kept coming; the bullets ricocheted off of its thick skin. It had grabbed French, dashing his brains on the ground, before taking a grenade in the shoulder and disappearing down a side corridor, French’s headless corpse still trailing behind it. The horde of snarling undead had come soon after.
“I’m out of ammo. How much have you guys got?”
Graham had two clips, which he shared with Josef, and one grenade. Zack had a single clip and no grenades, as did Mohammad, the silent member of the team, who gestured with his fingers. In all his time serving with this group, Josef had never heard Mohammad speak. He assumed he was a mute or something.
The noise on the other side of the door stopped suddenly. It was followed by a worrying scraping and clattering sound.
Josef looked up. He could hear sounds in the walls, all around them, under the floor and above their heads. The others could hear as well. They all instinctively lowered their visors, glad of the extra protection, but knowing it wouldn’t help.
Graham was the first to realise what was happening.
“They’re in the vents.” He said quietly. Then he repeated himself, again and again, getting louder each time. “They’re in the fucking vents!”
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,269 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
I liked it. That's the short of it. Not normally my thing but I could be persuaded to go out now and my some Zombie book. Then again,I'd much rather read this. There are no other words to say so *Pats on back*
You know I usually oppose fanfiction (Davethepenquin is wrong, by the way, I find that fanfiction has the ability to hinder creativity. As a first story, I think that writers should create their own ideas- stealing another's universe for their own stories is bad news, unless it is done particularly well, in which, by all means, use it for practice. Sandvich, you should really be coming up with your own ideas- I know you have! I'm not telling you to stop writing fanfiction- I will actually confess that I started writing an- albeit terrible- Batman fanfiction about a year ago, before I decided to concentrate on Colin Strider. I'm not against fanfiction as a whole. I'm just against people having fanfiction as their primary source of writing.)
Anyway!
I liked it. You definitely have a head for action- big epic fight scenes are your thing, my friend. Although, Dead Space, in my knowledge of it, being quite a dark and claustrophobic kind of game, I'm sure you can pull off very small and subtle fights as well- great stuff!!
Love the cliffhanger, writing should be full of these- and this segment sets up what I hope to be an extremely atmospheric and terrifying epic.
One thing I would say is- why did you split it up into two chapters? I think this piece would work better as just the one, as chapter two ends with a much stronger cliffhanger and both chapters are pretty short as standalones.
Overall, this was action-packed and exciting to read- double thumbs up!
hi I'm Shadowlight and I had the pleasure of reading your story, and all i can say is...
HOLY FREAKING CRAP!!!!!!
that was SO good, and I don't even like zombie stories!
your characters were all distinct, you description gruesomely perfect, and the last line gave me the chills
(so creeped out now) XD
I know this is the beginning of a story and I can't wait to read more. Seriously. I really want to read more!
Keep up the good work and please PM me when you update it again!
happy writing,
~Shadowlight
"Ill Be Back!" To read the rest!
BadlyDrawnLightning may say that fan-fiction hides creativity, but i disagree. Yours can prove that, while you may not have thought of the entire "Idea", you crafted good characters and a great fight sequence.