Collapse: Chapter Two

by Sandvich

Published June 16, 2013

In Collapse

TWO

The lunatics rarely went inside. The only buildings where you really needed to be careful were shops and warehouses - anywhere they could find an abundance of things to kill people with. There had been nothing worth their time in apartment blocks and houses since the lootings when the Collapse first started. As long as you maintained a low profile, you could stay in these places as long as you wanted - provided nobody saw you entering or exiting. Of course, you also needed to be careful that you didn’t  stumble into a Twisted den.

Seth paused a few buildings down from the apartments, examining the street. There was no movement anywhere. He stood for a few minutes, making sure that he was safe, then continued. Pushing open the door, he stepped into the gloom.

The escape from the lunatics had been fairly simple after he had reached the rooftops. His leg hurt like hell, but he’d been able to block it out for the most part. The only time it was a real issue was when he needed to jump or climb. Several times, he had come within inches of falling to his death. The lunatics had followed him for a few blocks. Calling up from the street below, hoping he would fall. Every so often Kalashnikov would try to shoot him, but he’d missed every time. Eventually, they’d given up and gone off to search for easier targets. He’d seen Machete stumbling along with them, rubbing his head. When they had left, he had remained behind for a few seconds, pointing to him and drawing his bloodied machete across his throat.

He hoped to hell he’d never have to deal with him again.

The size of the group had disturbed him. He’d never seen a lunatic group larger than ten before, and there were at least thirty of them. Perhaps since prey was harder to find by now, they’d begun to band together. He’d hoped that they’d resort to fighting each other. It seemed he had been wrong.

The flat he’d been living in for the past year was in a pristine state. Seth made a point of cleaning up after himself and dealing with any vermin problems as they happened. If he let himself live in filth like some did he’d be more likely to get sick, he reasoned. That was something he couldn’t let happen. The windows he had boarded up when he’d moved in, plunging the flat into a perpetual state of gloom. He’d gotten used to it by now. Electricity had been gone since the early days. Two years and two months, now.

Once Seth had closed the door, he waited for a few seconds for his eyes to adjust. He groped his way through the darkness, until he found a box of candles. He rummaged around for one. There were three left. He grunted with dissatisfaction. He’d have to find some more soon.

The candle’s light cast a dim glow across the room. He made his way to the fridge. Keeping food in the fridge was pointless as the electricity was gone, but it just seemed familiar. A relic of times past. Everyone needed a little way to hold on. Besides, it at least stopped rats and mice from getting at it.

Seth opened the fridge, and the sight that greeted him was less than pleasant.

There was almost no food. One can of sliced peaches and syrup. A half-full litre bottle of water. Two cans of corned beef. Enough food for maybe two days, but the water would run out tomorrow morning, perhaps even today. He grunted. In his haste to escape the lunatics, he’d forgotten the entire reason he’d ventured outside today. To get food.

His stomach rumbled.

He crossed to the window, looking through a gap in the planks. The sun was setting, casting an orange light over the horizon. What little he could see of the city itself looked deceptively tranquil - even the lunatics were heading back to their dens now. He watched and listened for a few minutes. Not a single gunshot or scream was heard. Obviously the soldiers hadn’t managed to catch any lunatics today.

It was pointless for him to venture out now. The Twisted came out at night. In his time travelling the city, the one thing he’d never encountered up close and personal was a Twisted. He’d stumbled into one of their dens a while back, and something unseen had chased him out, howling and slavering. The last thing he remembered before he reached sunlight was a chorus of unearthly screams.

There were only two memories which made Seth shudder. That was one of them.

He’d have to go out again tomorrow. These days, food was becoming very hard to find, and what little there was was hotly contested. He’d need to think about heading out of the city soon. Growing his own food. Hunting. If he waited too long, he wouldn’t have enough supplies to make it out. He just hoped the military blockade was gone.

He’d tried to escape the city once before, with his brother. They’d  made it as far as the outskirts, trying to follow the motorway out. This was in the early days, before the Collapse was in full swing. They’d driven as far as the Eastern Road, but they had been unable to drive any further; the way in front of them had been littered with abandoned cars. They had continued on foot. Luckily, the lunatics had already picked this area clean, moving on to the beaches and holiday resorts. In some places, the road was slick with blood. Back then, things like this had still bothered Seth. He remembered pausing to vomit several times.  Strangely, though, they had never found any bodies.

The sounds of rioting were ever-present. Every scream and shout had set the pair on edge, every explosion had sent them ducking for cover. He remembered several bursts of machine gun fire. They had continued at a slow and steady pace, stopping at every shout. The only things that had kept Seth going were his brother’s soothing words.

They’d reached the bridge just before nightfall. It was blockaded. Dozens of soldiers stood across the bridge, behind sandbags. They even had tanks. Someone had shouted at them to turn back. They had threatened to shoot them if they didn’t comply.

Obviously, they had turned back. There was nothing else they could do.

Seth felt a pang in his stomach. He missed his brother.

His leg throbbed painfully. He sat down, taking off the bandages. The wound had widened and was still bleeding. He groaned. It’d need stitches.

From his backpack he withdrew a small sewing kit, something he’d found in a fashion store a few weeks ago. He opened it, threading the needle with his shaking hands. It took him a few tries, and a lot of focus. Then, gritting his teeth, he pushed the needle into the side of the wound.

It took all his effort not to cry out. He’d done this a few times before, but it never got any easier. Holding his breath, he pushed the needle all the way through and out the other side. He allowed himself a pause, exhaling deeply, wincing with pain. Then he plunged the needle back in, the thread pulling the wound together. Blood dribbled down the side of his thigh. After a few more stitches, he stopped, panting. He wiped sweat from his brow.

“Every stitch is a punishment,” he reminded himself under his breath, “For being reckless enough to get yourself hurt.”

He finished the stitching before the pain became overwhelming. His chest heaving, he snipped the thread with some scissors, then tied fresh bandages tightly around the wound. His throat was dry. He reached into his backpack and pulled out a small bottle of painkillers. He shook it, and a hollow rattle came from inside. He was almost out. He put it back in the bag. Best to save them, he thought.

He sat there for a few minutes, waiting for the pain to subside. When it finally did, he made his way over to the fridge. He’d need energy if he was to go out again tomorrow. He ate half of the can of peaches and half of a can of corned beef, then slaked his thirst on half of what little water he had left. Feeling reasonably fulfilled, he walked to the window again.

The sun had gone down almost completely now, and he heard a howl from somewhere nearby. He moved away from the boards, a lump of fear in his throat. Hearing them always inspired fear in him. He crossed to the bed and lay on it, sighing. Hopefully, he’d be able to get a good night’s sleep tonight. If not, tomorrow would be a hell of a lot harder. He had used a lot of his energy running from the lunatics, and he was tired.

Soon, Seth fell into an uneasy sleep.
Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
Napier
Review
Napier wrote a review Review · Jun 18, 2013

Hey, so I said I was gonna review Chapter Three first to bump it up, but I especially enjoyed this chapter and I thought I'd say a few things before I forget.
First of all, the sympathy you've created for Seth with the situation he has with his brother. It's a really interesting, ambiguous dynamic, and one that is rarely seen. It's nice to see something different to the love interest the protagonist is desperate to get back to. A brother is a far better motivation, as we now know Seth is looking for an ally, rather than a guy or gal he likes spending time with.
Also this line is completely brilliant;

Every stitch is a punishment for being reckless enough to get yourself hurt.
I love how harsh Seth is on himself; it makes for a character who is dedicated and disciplined. You've avoided the archetype of the cocky hero who runs into trouble, guns-a-blazin', which is great.
Overall, this chapter was a joy to read. Onto the third!

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JayBlu
Review
JayBlu wrote a review Review · Jun 18, 2013

I wonder how Seth's brother died, or did he come a Lunatic or Twisted instead. Meanwhile, the stitching thing was rough. I've done it myself before, it's really a pain in the arse believe me.

This twisted den, I'm guessing they can be anywhere, and they must be like twisted creatures or zombie state beasts but without the moaning and slow movement.

Soldiers? I remember that from the first chapter, but yeah so they are around fighting with the Lunatics. Or just shooting any that come near the road blocks and bunkers?

Anyways, gotta hand it to ya man, you've created a great kinda sorta post-apocalyptic story-line here. Amazing in details and depth, I'm impressed. Reading chapter 3 in a few after I get a bite to eat lol.

DannieInkblotHanson wrote a review Review · Jun 18, 2013

Look, I read your second installment!
Ermahgerd, this is good. I really like where it's going. Your foreshadowing with the Twisted is great because they certainly sound wonderfully spine-chilling. I can't wait until we run into one of those. Geez.
Also, introducing the brother was a fantastic idea because it both further's Seth's realism as a character and gives us another foothold to keep reading, because said brother is, with only few words, a likable character but is obviously not in the picture anymore. And with so many ways to get killed in your little world, the story will probably just get more interesting.
What I do hope to see is the introduction of another normal, non-crazy-psychopath character so we can see how Seth interacts with other people. This is also a great way to reveal flaws in a character; no protagonist is good without flaws.
You are skilled in the art of suspense, sir. Have you ever played a game called Infamous? The thing with the barricade sort of reminds me of it.
Anyhow, keep writing this fo sho!

themagnificentmilton wrote a review Review · Jun 17, 2013

Okay,Straight to it!
'He had remained behind for a few seconds, pointing to him and drawing his bloodied machete across his throat.'
This guy's gonna return again right? It sure seems that way.
'He hoped to hell he’d never have to deal with him again.'
Yeah, he'll be back.
'The size of the group had disturbed him.' So this, this is a change, unnerving, against the status quo. It hints at other stuff, obviously, some other changes- Seth cant live in his apartment forever right? Then you go straight from the changes to 'The flat he'd been living in for the past year.' Again, I'm thinking the flat's gonna go. Or rather, Seth is.

So, in such an odd, unfamiliar setting, this chapter helps really well to put you there and to put the setting in real life. Talking about normal things, re-contextualised, put you(the reader) there. You pretty much point this out yourself with 'Keeping food in the fridge was pointless as the electricity was gone, but it just seemed familiar.'
'In his haste to escape the lunatics, he’d forgotten the entire reason he’d ventured outside today. To get food.' - A good way to really show the fact that everything is life and death here, even for the most basic resources.
'chorus of unearthly screams.' - Hellish. Chorus would make one think of heaven, but combined with unearthly screams, damn is it a good description.

'There were only two memories which made Seth shudder. That was one of them.'

That line is a goddamn hook-and-a-half!
Then, going back, talking about Seth's brother, and then zipping back to now saying he missed him- Makes me think: Is Seth's other shuddering memory the loss of his brother?
'The only things that had kept Seth going were his brother’s soothing words.' They were clearly close, and Seth clearly looked up to him.
Classic, great shizzle once again.
Keep up the good work!

User avatar
smile123
Review
smile123 wrote a review Review · Jun 17, 2013

Really good use of structure. Use of words and also use of excellent punctuation. Your a good writer and should post more of your excellent work. I would be delighted to read more of your fantastic work. I loved the way words are used and how you made me want to read more and more and to keep going. I loved it!

User avatar
Sins
Review
Sins wrote a review Review · Jun 16, 2013

Yo, Sand-to-the-vich!

As long as you maintained a low profile, you could stay in these places as long as you wanted...

I'd recommend putting a for before the second as long so that it's you could stay in these places for as long as you wanted

The windows he had boarded up when he’d moved in, plunging the flat into a perpetual state of gloom.

The beginning of this sentence sounds a little awkward to me, maybe reword it to something like he'd boarded up the windows when he'd moved in... It's up to you though!

Once Seth had closed the door, he waited for a few seconds for his eyes to adjust.

The repetition of for here sounds kind of awkward to me. I actually think you could just get rid of the first one and it would be fine, to be honest

“Every stitch is a punishment,” he reminded himself under his breath, “For being reckless enough to get yourself hurt.”

You don't need to capitalise the beginning of the second piece of dialogue

Hearing them always inspired fear in him.

So insanely picky, but why does he fear them? I mean, it's just an owl. Also, I don't think inspired is the best word choice here because that's a word with positive connotations and this sentence has a negative context... if you get me

Overall


So this was pretty great, and I definitely noticed that you had less technical mistakes in this chapter compared to the last one as well, so yay for progress! Not a great deal happens but that's fine because we did get to hear some background on Seth with the whole thing with his brother, which was nice. It's definitely got me wondering what happened to his brother, and raised questions about how Seth is where he is and what not, and that's a good thing because it's intrigued me further and has made me definitely want to read on to find out the answers to my questions. Just a generally great chapter really, well done.

In terms of critiques, I have to admit that I don't really have many--which is a good thing on your part really! Nothing major happens in this chapter, and it's not the longest chapter I've ever read so finding critiques was hard, but I'm sure I can conjure up one or two things. What I will briefly mention is that like I said before, this chapter's pretty uneventful and while there's nothing necessarily wrong with that, I do sort of feel like you could sort of include something to spice it up a bit. I don't want Seth to be bombarded with a load of rabid lunatics while he sleeps or anything, but maybe you could even describe something eventful in Seth's recollection of his time with his brother? I mean, in all honesty, this isn't a real issue as much as it is me just throwing out a suggestion because the lack of action in this chapter is fine. I just don't think it would do any harm to throw a bit more in, especially as this is technically an action and adventure novel.

The other thing I want to mention echoes something I said in my last review, and it's regarding the whole backstory thing. I know I know, you said you were adding it throughout the chapters when necessary e.t.c. but I still can't help but feel like I'm drowning a teeny bit as I read this because there are still so many unanswered questions in my head, which can cause some confusion at times. Plus you've added new unexplained things such as the Twisted people things, which adds to the lack of backstory. I like that you mentioned Seth's brother as it did give us some background, but it's as if that was replaced with the new confusion of the Twisted. In the end, this is obviously your story and you know what you're doing, but I would maybe think about it, ya know?

Finally, this is far more of a suggestion than it is a critique, but I sort of want you to make the scene where Seth stitches his wound more gruesome... like, uber gruesome. The first chapter was an 18 so you may as well go with the logic of go hard or go home and just go for it in terms of gruesomeness considering this novel would be an 18+ anyway. Now I am really squeamish... I literally cannot express to you how squeamish I am, and the description you have already actually made me feel a bit uneasy. Imagine how awesome it would be if you could literally make me feel sick with your description, now that would be good. So yeah, don't hold back and go for it!

But anyways, I think that's it. Another great chapter, Sandvich, and I'm really glad I started reading this because I don't usually read this kind of genre, but you've shown me how good it can be. I look forward to the next chapter :)

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

Thanks for the review! I actually completely forgot about the rating for this chapter. xD Also, the howl that scared him was a Twisted, perhaps I should make that a bit clearer. As usual, the next chapter will be done some time tomorrow - I'm trying to do a chapter per day, so check up tomorrow evening!



I cannot separate the aesthetic pleasure of seeing a butterfly and the scientific pleasure of knowing what it is.
— Vladmir Nabokov