Published July 3, 2009
You come to me when I dream; you leave me all alone when I am a wake,
Yet speak t me all Day,
Who are you? Are you the person next to me or down the street,
Do I see you everyday; have I even met you yet?
Are you my true love or a dear friend I will have with me always,
Shall I meet you tomorrow or never?
Do you, will you know who I really am on the inside,
Not just who I am on the outside
Are you loud and proud or quiet and shy
Will you love me?
Will you hate me?
Come, come
To me as I dream to night
Let me see your face
And find out where you hide from me,
For I wish that you shall meet me for who I am not just who I wish to be
For you are with me forever.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,003 Literary Works • 672,396 Reviews
Howdy,
I don't have too much to say. I think you had an interesting idea behind this, but I don't believe it was written very well. Your poem is hard to follow and understand; it's not impossible, it just not have much continuity. I suggest re-writing several poems based of the same theme, and learning which style and method works best with you and your ideas.
Typos:
Line two. Word three. - to; and why did you capitalize Day?
Line twelve. Word six. - tonight
Things to consider:
- More line breaks
- Use clearer language, and word choice to communicate what you are really trying to say.
- Perhaps use less personal pronouns, and communicate in more raw fashion.
Keep writing!
-M.
Thank you for telling me about the typos and your idea of what my poem meant, really meant a lot to me. This poem was really about finding one's self, so out all of everyone who guessed you were the closest! And Thank you again
i found typos.. and things like that..
perhaps this person is your self ? not a person you'll actully meet... a being thats within you i suppose....that can keep you company.. and things.....
i really doubt its an actul person...
relitivly nice poem... got me thinking a little...on what this is...i like the proposed problem...
haha sorry for this crappy review...
silented1
i found typos.. and things like that..
perhaps this person is your self ? not a person you'll actully meet... a being thats within you i suppose....that can keep you company.. and things.....
i really doubt its an actul person...
relitivly nice poem... got me thinking a little...on what this is...i like the proposed problem...