I wrote this poem for my little sister. Her birthday is coming up in a few months, and I wanted to write a few poems for her as a gift. This is one I wrote today. I don’t usually write poetry and I’m still quite new to it, so I would really appreciate any feedback you might have. Thank you!
Some people know my name,
some know my voice,
some know the version of me
I let the world see.
But she knows the real me,
not the one I show everyone else,
the one who laughs too loud,
cries too quietly,
but the one who talks too much,
the one who overthinks her every word.
She knows when my smile is real
and when it’s just there
so no one asks questions.
She’s been there for every change,
every phase I have been through,
every moment I didn’t know
who I was supposed to be
what I was supposed to do.
She notices the smallest changes,
the way my voice sounds different,
the way I look away
when something is wrong.
We grew up in the same moments,
shared the same walls,
the same laughter,
the same tears.
Maybe that’s why
she can read my silence.
Maybe that's why
I never have to explain myself to her.
Maybe that’s why
I don’t feel alone when she’s there.
She is my sister,
but she is also
the only person
who has known every version of me
and stayed.
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Oh my gosh -- obsessed.
This poem made me think of my best friend immediately, and honestly it is so beautifully drawn out!!
The seventh paragraph which reads:
Maybe that's why
she can read my silence
That line is so relatable and I'm confident that I'm not the only person who thinks that. I don't have many tweaks for this poem besides the rhythm being off in different paragraphs such as 3 and 4 are definitely different pacing and I'm all for it if that's kind of the purpose of the poem because lines do sometimes hit harder when spaced like that, I love!
With regards!
-Jane Amelia
This reminds me so much of my sister.. thank you for this lovely heartfelt expression 🌹
LOVE. THE LOVE OF BEING. THE LOVE OF NEED. THE LOVE OF THE UNCONDITIONAL.
THE LOVE OF THE TRUTH SEEN IN YOU, TO BE YOU. BY A LOVE LIKE YOU, FOR YOU TO STAY TRUE TO YOU.
PEACE✌️ ☮️ .
I really like the theme of this poem! I especially like this phrasing:
The rhyme and the rhythm really speak to me!I like the description of self and how much the private version differs from what's shown to the world
"but the one who talks too much," awww
(I gave up on hiding that in myself btw. Now I just talk ppl's ears off if they let me XD)
Aww I think this poem is really beautiful. Thanks for sharing. I especially like the ending emphasis!
Hi, Corv here for a review as part of the Lucky Green Room Challenge! Thank you so much for sharing this poem 'She knows me better than anyone'
☘ 1st Leaf: First Impressions & Initial Thoughts
I think it is very sweet that this is for your little sister! I thought that there were some really heartwarming lines throughout this poem, especially regarding how your sister sees/reads you. It felt like a lot of love and care has been put into this.
☘ 2nd Leaf: Critique & Points of Confusion
I think that these lines in the final stanza could be combined into one:
☘ 3rd Leaf: Details & Favorite Lines
I think that the repetition of "Maybe that's why" in the 2nd-to-last stanza is just so lovely.
I also really loved the third stanza.
☘ 4th Leaf: Theories & Questions
I'm curious how the second stanza would be different if some of the commas were removed or switched with other punctuation. It could be fun to experiment with the punctuation if you have the time!
Hope this is helpful! Thank you again for sharing
- Corv
Thank you!! The commas and lines was one of the things I was stressing about the most when writing this. It overwhelms me a lot because there's so many different ways it could be arranged and written. And thank you for your critique. I might combine the two lines <3