I smile an evil, vicious smile as I inspect my furry body. My eyes look like black opals glistening in the neon light, while my ears arch in majestic curves. The experiment was successful, but how did it all start?
I was born a nobody. My parents were drug addicts. Crack has messed with their minds turning them into monsters. I was called a ‘problem child’ in my school. Theft, vandalism, violence, they were all part of my daily routine before I discovered the wonders of science. After watching “Frankenstein” my view of life changed in more ways than one. If you could create life, why couldn’t you change it?
I gave up my criminal ways to follow a life in science. I studied hard every night while my parents dropped deeper and deeper into their black pit of misery. I became so intelligent that my abilities far surpassed those of my peers. I started to conduct my own experiments. I dissected multiple creatures, gleaning insight into the minds of these mammals. Then I met Doctor Heidi.
Maria Heidi soon became the love of my life. My experiments halted and I devoted myself completely to her until it became an obsession. She occupied my every waking hour and I followed her everywhere. I knew her favourite coffee shop, the names of her friends, where she lived!!
One night, I decided to declare my undying love. It was simple really. All I had to do was slip through a hole hidden in the side of the building and climb towards the chimney. The sooty walls stained my pristine clothes as I scuttled up towards my destiny. It was nothing to me, as long as I could reach Heidi. I dropped onto her living room floor and dusted myself off as I inspected the dark room. The silky curtain covered a scene of soft comfort, a small, cozy room with beautiful furniture. I stopped in front of a photo of Heidi and her little hamster Erik…
I knew Heidi loved someone named Erik but a hamster? I heard a squeak and looked around. There he was. A furry little devil. I reached up to his cage and started shaking it, laughing as I did so. This hamster would die and Heidi would love me!
Suddenly a light snapped on in the room and I was blinded by it like a vampire in the sun. I hissed and spun around to face my opponent. It was Heidi.
“What are you doing Boris? Get out of my house” she screamed.
Not a promising start but I was determined to profess my love for her. “Oh Heidi, how I love you”.
“Leave right now or I’ll call the police.”, she replied.
Why wouldn’t she understand that we were destined to be together? I persisted, “The stars have foretold the path of our love Heidi!” I grabbed her hand and started stroking it.
“Don’t touch me” she cried and ripped her hand out of my grasp. My life shattered in front of my eyes as I realized the truth.
Heidi would never love me. She even loved the hamster more than me. Killing it would change nothing. I had to do something, quickly.. “If you cannot love me then no one, or no thing can have you.” Before Heidi could respond I grabbed Erik’s cage and fled through the window.
Luckily for me there were bushes under the fourth floor window and I landed mostly intact. I heard screaming from behind me as I ran off into the night. I already feel the changes coming over me as I turn on my machine. A pain in my mouth tortures me as my teeth elongate into yellow fangs, my hands convulse as my nails grow into claws and my palms shrivel and shrink. I fall over as fur sprouts all over my body, my eyes grow to the size of cups giving me an even greater view of my world. Everything around me grows, turning into monoliths of immeasurable size.
I lie still for a moment waiting to adjust to my new reality and then I crawl out of my clothes. I am no longer Doctor Boris Mauripitas. My experiment has worked but will my plan be successful? I turn around as my front door crashes open and a police officer storms in with his gun already out. “Come out with your hands up buddy”, he shouts. He notices the pile of clothes and lowers his gun. I scramble over to him and a squeak comes out of my mouth. He looks down and sees me. My plan has worked! I will be loved.
I am Erik.
I am the hamster…
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,623 Literary Works • 673,565 Reviews
I really love your short story. A miserable childhood that became a evil person in the future. If you don't know what am I talking about, the character's life was miserable. "I was born a nobody. My parents were drug addicts. Crack has messed with their minds turning them into monsters. I was called a ‘problem child’ in my school. Theft, vandalism, violence, they were all part of my daily routine before I discovered the wonders of science. After watching “Frankenstein” my view of life changed in more ways than one. If you could create life, why couldn’t you change it?" Then he started to be a mad scientist. when i read this line: "I knew Heidi loved someone named Erik but a hamster? I heard a squeak and looked around. There he was. A furry little devil. I reached up to his cage and started shaking it, laughing as I did so. This hamster would die and Heidi would love me!" I was like WOW Heidi whose in love with a hamster and he was jealous! Why don't he just talk to heidi and talk it over. "I already feel the changes coming over me as I turn on my machine. A pain in my mouth tortures me as my teeth elongate into yellow fangs, my hands convulse as my nails grow into claws and my palms shrivel and shrink. I fall over as fur sprouts all over my body, my eyes grow to the size of cups giving me an even greater view of my world. Everything around me grows, turning into monoliths of immeasurable size." When I read this I wondered what is he doing then when i read : "I lie still for a moment waiting to adjust to my new reality and then I crawl out of my clothes. I am no longer Doctor Boris Mauripitas. My experiment has worked but will my plan be successful? I turn around as my front door crashes open and a police officer storms in with his gun already out. “Come out with your hands up buddy”, he shouts. He notices the pile of clothes and lowers his gun. I scramble over to him and a squeak comes out of my mouth. He looks down and sees me. My plan has worked! I will be loved.
I am Erik.
I am the hamster…" I read it 2 times and figure out he became a hamster. One thing I wanted to know that add feelings to the character like the character traits show it can tell the readers what is his feelings and how he became that way. " I knew her favourite coffee shop, the names of her friends, where she lived!!" I was like WOW is he a stalker? How did he know all these things? So creepy. BUT I love your story i want you keep writing and publish it in real life. Good Job and Brilliant Work and keep writing! Happy Writing! : >
Hi there
Nice presentation style. The little evil scientist who ends up as a hamster just to be loved by the love of his life in the fury form!
The beginning made me think of a psycopath with evil smile who was the son of lost drug addicts. Later on his love interest is revealed.
Yet the catch that she does not seem to think highly of her stalker doctor scientist.
One who is brainy enough to come up with a way to change form yet not brave enough to profess love in the normal way. Instead he goes via chimney to claim the love of his life who promptly shrieks and asks him to leave at once.
Undettered little hero goes on only to end up kidnapping the hamster and then being chased by the police!
In the end the furry hero gets to be loved though not as a human!
Brilliant work!
Kudos to you.
Loved the work.
Keep writing.
All the best!
Hey there Edel here for a review, let me just start with your plot I've always loved science fiction, and those old movies with the crazy scientists. Yours was a little different, it was for love instead of just science, and I liked that you did reveal he was the hamster until the very end I thought that was very exciting.
Anyway like I said the plot was very good, but overall the whole story seemed rushed there wasn't that sweet flowy feeling to it. I think it was because you wanted it to be a short story, but with something like this it needs to be longer in order to flow better. Don't get me wrong I love the story it was just that one major thing. There was also a want to know how Hedi thought and felt about Boris, why did she not love him etc, and was it she who called the police, how come they arrived at gun point?
The story I think could be much better, but is still great on its own, the whole concept I love! I hope to see more in the future keep on keeping on!
YES
So the fact with this story is that it was written under a strict time limit (school competition), and I wished I could've added more things to it and made it flow better. For example, where did Igor meet Doctor Heidi? There are huge plot holes in this story, but I am continually improving and revising so my next pieces of work will be much better.
Oh I see now! I know how that is, I would say " but teacher it's important I have one more day so so and so meets so and so, so that she gets this so that she lives! If she doesn't than the whole story and everything is ruiend!My creative writing teacher was always nice, anyway the story was still really good!
Ooh I loved this. Very nice opening and cool ending. It was very interesting
The plot and storytelling was good. Loved the ending. Overall, nice work.
wow, this was extremely interesting! I love it.