I do not have it in my heart to hate...
Even if you make me crash and burn.
I do have room in my heart for love,
just because I’m that type of girl...
I do not have it in my heart to break yours,
even if you've broken mine.
I do have it in my heart to learn, grow, forgive
and to next time choose another road...
What I do not have it in my heart,
you seem to have in your soul...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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thanks for all the advice on how to make this poem better thank you
Hi Samsal! I'm Kat *shakes hand* and I'm here for a review!
So, I'll do a two lines by two lines review, okay?
On it!
That also includes tense mistakes. In the second line that I quoted, the 'makes' should be 'make', because makes is only used on the third person while the person here is the second ('you').
- The ellipses aren't needed here, and they seem to stall your poem a bit, so try a period.
-The second line is blunt and detached. It doesn't seem to relate much. If you develop why you are the kind of girl that loves everything, it would work best. Or you could just replace that line is something that would fill the small void.
- The first line is too long, it chops up your flow. I was going to suggest for you to turn 'do not' to don't, but that would just ruin your structure. But you should make this shorter. You could try and brake it, but then it would also ruin the pattern (A, B -- A, B, C <-- two lines to three lines). My biggest advise here is to try and cut out some sillabelles the best way you can. But be careful not to make it too short
-In the second line, I suggest you change 'you've' to you have, because it would help your structure and flow, since you have been doing 'do not' instead of the abreviation don't.
Imagery and Emotion
It was okay. Nothing I could really feel or sense, but it was okay, working good on this short and cute poem. You should try and consider putting something more in it. It had some emotion, some being the opperative word. But don't make it longer! When you use the same structure 'I do not, I do' for too long it will get boring.
Overall: Nice! I liked reading it. So, revise that line, and cut out some ellipses, take a good look and you'll be fine!
PM if you have any questions.
-Kat-
Great poem! Loved it! There seems to be a lot of emotion in here, so maybe you could make it longer. Also, I think that you should, in the last line, you should change heart to soul as what is or isn't in your heart is a theme in the piece. Maybe the last line should be something like "You seem to have in yours". One more point:
This line was really confusing. I'm not quite sure what you meant to say with this.
In general, though, this is a great piece. I recommend just forgetting about it for a month then coming back to it and seeing what you would change.