Neo and the year 2999 - chapter 1

This is the first part of my new story, so dont think it is the whols story :) thank you and enjoy...

Imagine the Earth. A great mottled turquoise planet, whirling deep in the nothingness of space.

But now try and imagine that it is not 2008. Imagine that it is the year 2999, nine hunderd and ninety one years in the future. There are no cars, no televisions or any sort of electricity in the lives of the human race. Imagine that the 6 billion people currently on the planet has reduced to 6 thousand, scattered like leaves over the vast land masses. The North Pole no longer exists, and the South pole has no ice.

And now imagine that we are in England, with the mere two hundred people that live there, and try and think what sort of things they would do, how they would survive, and what new dangers they might have to face.

This is but one of my theories, one of my ideas of what it would be like. So listen and I shall tell you...

A frozen wind swept the Marsh. It howled like a hungry wolf, stripping the moss from its muddy home, rustling the stagnant water from its resting place. The land was flat here, no tree stood where its ancestors had once grown. It was almost like a graveyard, and the girl who stood with her arms huddlled to her chest was sure that is you dug deep enough, you would surely find the remain of some sort of 21st century settlment. Or perhaps even older. But she knew that walking of the pathway would lead to certain death. And a couple of bricks and old cans were not worth that.

Neo stepped away from the reeds, clutching her Kanika cloak cloaser to her skin. The wind subsided, having managed to chase her away and flew perhaps north to the higher reaches of Engeland, perhaps even past the border and into Scotsland.

The marsh fires led the way back to the dappled forest, where the century-old trees that used to be protected by the 21st centurian national trust grew. That was were half the population of Engeland lived- Shakita Wood.

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kaitlyn
Review
kaitlyn wrote a review · Sun Apr 24, 2022 7:09 pm

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Imagine the Earth. A great mottled turquoise planet, whirling deep in the nothingness of space.

But now try and imagine that it is not 2008. Imagine that it is the year 2999, nine hunderd and ninety one years in the future. There are no cars, no televisions or any sort of electricity in the lives of the human race. Imagine that the 6 billion people currently on the planet has reduced to 6 thousand, scattered like leaves over the vast land masses. The North Pole no longer exists, and the South pole has no ice.

And now imagine that we are in England, with the mere two hundred people that live there, and try and think what sort of things they would do, how they would survive, and what new dangers they might have to face.


OKay well this is interesting. It almost seems like the start to some sort of sci fi post apocalyptic situation especially judging by the way you mention the state of the poles which suggest some serious amounts of global warming having gone down there and the fact that the population of the place seems to have dipped very, very strongly as well although considering just how far this is in the future there's so many possibilities. But on top of this that third paragraph does seem to suggest this isn't simply just the future so, well color me intrigued, let's see where this takes us.

This is but one of my theories, one of my ideas of what it would be like. So listen and I shall tell you...

A frozen wind swept the Marsh. It howled like a hungry wolf, stripping the moss from its muddy home, rustling the stagnant water from its resting place. The land was flat here, no tree stood where its ancestors had once grown. It was almost like a graveyard, and the girl who stood with her arms huddlled to her chest was sure that is you dug deep enough, you would surely find the remain of some sort of 21st century settlment. Or perhaps even older. But she knew that walking of the pathway would lead to certain death. And a couple of bricks and old cans were not worth that.


Okay considering this is almost a millenium into the future this is surprisingly almost familiar. It seems like technology sort of froze at point which would make quite a bit of sense given how many people appear to have died off there...and well, this is certainly quite the desolate picture that's being painted here, let's see what more this place has to offer.

Neo stepped away from the reeds, clutching her Kanika cloak cloaser to her skin. The wind subsided, having managed to chase her away and flew perhaps north to the higher reaches of Engeland, perhaps even past the border and into Scotsland.

The marsh fires led the way back to the dappled forest, where the century-old trees that used to be protected by the 21st centurian national trust grew. That was were half the population of Engeland lived- Shakita Wood.


Alright, well this cuts off a bit abruptly I have to say, it doesn't quite work out as it should if this is meant to perhaps be like a standalone chapter one here. However, there is certainly quite a lot of pretty interesting worldbuilding going down here, so it is quite interesting as it stands and it has quite some potential, but as far as chapter ones go, this one needs a bit more to it I think.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

i don't see anything to edit grammar-wise...i liked your first paragraph, how you described it--acting as you are the author, not someone in the story writing it, but not to direct, and it fits into the story real well. the only problem i see is this...2999 is a really, really, really cliche number...so unless something really important happens in the year 3000 (which is altogether possible), maybe try making that something else.

the second paragraph was very good--you describe things quite well...

this is good, and it seems like something i would want to read, so PM me (private message, up in the top right hand corner, basically email on the site....) if you get chapter two out. and send me a link in the message, please.

Thanks, and as always, keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

The Woz

Good start so far.

I am not the best example for grammer and spelling, but I see nothing here right now to address.

Looking forward to more.



I lingered round them, under that benign sky: watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights