Gone!!!
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello!
I don't like the lyrics at the beginning. If lyrics are totally necessary (which, honestly, they probably aren't) at least put them in a spoiler or space them out through the piece, kay? A big chunk of poetry right in the beginning is really off-putting, especially when Avril's words basically say the same thing over and over.
The first part was a bit confusing. So...for some reason, the narrator has been talking on the phone to this guy that she hates? Or hated? What, she just randomly called her friend's cousin and started arguing with him? I think you should draw that bit out more, so that it's a bit more realistic.
Also, each other is two words. ^_^ Actually, you have quite a few typos in here, so try and clear those up before posting, please.
Anyway, this was really cute! A nice little short story. But, as I said before, I think you need to work on pacing; right now it all seems too fast, and then too slow (the part where the narrator and Rob are talking). And pay attention to grammar (especially your lack of commas). (I've assumed these were typos, but if you want me to point the mistakes out to you, PM me and I'll be happy to!)
Good luck!
-Mars
This is really good! Keep writing it, and your characters are really good, even though you haven't really introduced them properly. But you could do that later on.
I want Rob already! Good work x