This is a poem I wrote for a contest. For the contest you are supposed to show what your career will be. Please let me know what you think!
Every day I saw you
Your twisted legs and hopeless dreams
Bound you to the ground
Your graceful, broken wings
Trailed limp behind you
I passed you over and over
Sailing through my sky
As I flew past I glanced at you
Longer and longer each time
Finally I stopped, stood before you
How could I help you?
Someone so broken
Should I even try?
I reached out my hand
I was surprised when you took it
But you had nothing left to lose
You leaned on me
And we walked
I walked with you a long time
Teaching you to lift your feet
To dream
To stretch you wings
Sometimes I yearned to fly
But I could not
Not if I had to
Leave you behind
Time went by
You could walk
You could run
But I could not fix your wings
There are some wounds
That will never heal
Now I wrap my arms around you
As the tears roll down your face
I beat my wings
And take us up
We’re high and you’re scared
And awestruck
I hear you scream as I let you go
But I know I must
As you fall your wings billow
They catch the wind and you soar
You laugh and yell for joy
And tears come to my eyes
Because I know the truth
You will always glide back to the ground
But as you drift down
I smile through the hurt
Because now you know
A different truth:
Even those with broken wings can fly.
The poem “Broken Wings” was inspired by the story of a girl I met several years ago.
I had been volunteering at the equine-assisted therapy center for 2 years. We focused on helping disabled individuals achieve their physical and mental goals through horse-back riding. I had never met six-year-old Anna before she came in for a rescheduled lesson one day. She was mildly autistic, and was working on trust and confidence. I helped Anna onto her horse, and led her to the arena. Towards the end of the lesson, the instructor came over and asked simply “Are you ready to try?” Anna responded with a nervous but determined nod. I unclipped my lead rope, and Anna started her first ever solo horse ride. The joy and excitement on her face were unmistakable as she realized she had the power to control an animal so much bigger than herself. The thrill of that experience was nothing compared to the understanding that this was something Anna had never imagined she could do. That was the day I knew I would be a physical therapist. There is no greater feeling than helping someone accomplish the thing no one ever thought they could. I can’t imagine doing anything else with my life.
Hello there! I thought this was pretty good. Not stellar, but pretty good. I was lost with the rhythm for the entire poem. You seemed to jump around far too much and never quite settled on an exact pattern. For some people, this is fine but it bothered me. The other thing that I didn't get was the rhyming. Sometimes, you seem to make your stanzas rhyme. Other times, they don't even appear to attempt it. So which is it? Are your stanzas supposed to rhyme or not? I think you should make up your mind and either make them all rhyme or none rhyme at all. Once again, this is just personal opinion, but there it is. Criticism aside, I loved the idea of the poem and the little back story at the end there was touching. You used wonderful imagery in the poem, and I could really get a sense of what was going on, but I think this would be a really amazing piece if you settled on some set patterns. Good luck with the contest!
~Jess