Young Writers Society

I really like this, I think it's creative, enticing, and interesting! I love how you had blacked out certain words you intended to not let the reader know, I thought it was very mysterious, encouraging me to read more! I also liked how you crossed different lines out, as if you were actually writing the thought in pen and you couldn't erase it and just crossed it out. I think you did a wonderful job! Keep up the good work!:)

Kimi! I want your poetry, woman.

I like what's going on in your second and fourth stanzas, but especially the ending of the fourth. Your literal use of black space really works, and does not leave odd space between words. Which, granted, I'm assuming is intentional in the previous stanzas, though it stands out the most in the third. But, it also reads like a redacted document, so, yay literalism! But, if we look at that same use in the first stanza, you can almost ignore it entirely, so I'm not sure if you wanted more emphasis there or what, but I'm not sure you're necessarily achieving it since I can also see you just nixing that entire bit and it not having an effect with the words. Visually, absolutely, but not in terms of just your words (or lack thereof).

That said! I like what you're playing with, here. I really want to know if you actually have words under the black-out, because I'm either reading this as a bit wandering (and wondering), or with a laser focus that I'm not entirely sure you intended? But it goes back to a conversation we were having with the group a few days ago or so, and this could go a couple ways even within that context. Anyway.

<3

Just wanted to say I love this. <3 Thank you for sharing. You should definitely get this published somewhere. I can help you find a publication if you want to PM me.

-Dream

Hello Sachiko! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go! Oh boy, this will be a hard one.

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.
|||| = Black spaces

My interpretation:

Overall:

This review courtesy of