Published December 7, 2012
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140,210 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
SabrinaB3Rl,
This is really good. I felt the emotion come from the masquerader. I honestly felt as if I WAS the masquerader. Keep up the good work.! c:
~Tale xxx
Hi! SabrinaB3RI...
Whoa, the concept of using a masquerader was somewhat new for me and i like it. It makes others curious of the person behind the mask. Also, the person underneath it tend to conceal his/her real feelings. That, at times misunderstood.
Nice piece..
Keep going..
ll
U
now now, come on. is this masquerader confident or not confident about his/her abilities? the middle stanza seems strong and cold, but the first and second two seem week, like he's ready to give in. now, i know people don't stick with one emotion all their lives, but either this person is good at their job and can pretend well, or they're not, in which case no one would believe them enough for them to be a masquerader anyway.
which means the only option left is for this person to HAVE BEEN good at their job, but is suddenly starting to fall, which means going back and forth between competent and imcompetent is not working for your poem. start strong, and subtly let cracks show through so it can be genuine when we realize that this twisted person has found a connection and maybe doesn't want to play anymore.
what i want to know is whether after all this time being twisted and cruel, playing emotions of others, whether this masquerader can escape his manipulative tendencies, or whether he goes right on using them on her, even though he wants their relationship to be different and true. i feel like that would be a genuine emotion to tap into: his realization that he's probably not good enough for the only person to ever make him want to change. and that she, without being trained, can do the same thing to him that he's done on purpose to girls over and over and over.
i wonder, too, what precisely he does as a masquerader, and think his character could be heightened by giving some concrete examples.
lastly, i really like that you said "i hope that sh'll be a part of me forever", because it doesn't necessarily mean a relationship, but maybe just another notch on his belt of heartbreaks? maybe that's good enough for him to remember her by?
i'd like to see an edit of this, with more thought.
anywhoo, lemme know if you have questions. good luck!
I love the second line! I think this is awesome! I really like it! I think you could adjust a few little words, like maybe in the third sentence of the third stanza, maybe get rid of the second I?
Thanks
I may consider revising it, but this was just a quick little thing that came to me mind recently and I just had to put down my thoughts. There's still room for for much, much improvement. Again, thanks for the advice!