Published March 3, 2008
When You Return My Love
I won’t say if you do, or I hope you will
I can feel it in heart that beats faster just for you
I know it as a turtle knows to swim to sea,
I can feel it in the air, I can feel the love
It floats around me, my eyes follow it
As it lands on you, and vibrates back to me
The look in your eyes is tantalizing,
You may think your being cruel but I know better
You sit there with your friends enjoying your day
Avoiding my curious gaze while your with them
I can tell your tense because you feel my eyes,
Like darts targeting your back straight into your heart
The piercing my feelings has left must make you go wild,
I’m not confused or fantasying, I know who I am
I know when I’m in love,
My heart doesn’t beat like this for just anyone
I’m just waiting for you,
To look at me and never look away
Walk toward me with no fear,
Looking at me finally so everyone can see
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141,746 Literary Works • 675,670 Reviews
Thank you!
I don't know quite what to think of this poem. It was good...but...it didn't really do much for me.
"Constantly beating heart" sounds a bit redundant since everyones heart is constantly beating. Try putting in things that are special to you, unique, it will make the poem more memorable.
"I can feel the love" is incredibly cliche. It sounds like something that should be in a bad sixties song.
The repetition of the word "heart" is noticeable. Use other words to describe your point. Examples: "soul" "thoughts" "life"
I don't know why, but I really like this line. I can't really find a reason but it just struck me as very real.
Overall this poem has potential but I'm not feeling much from it right now. Use more imagery, put more of your emotions in. Right now your just telling us what you feel, show us. Keep writing!!