Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
I had gotten back home that day with the stupidest grin on my face. Yes, I was still prideful of my actions towards the situation only a few hours ago. It could have easily become my biggest social accomplishment, as sad as that may seem. I had things to be happy about. This was one of them.
While walking up the driveway of my house, I noticed a car that didn't belong to my parents parked in the left spot. A red Minicooper fitted for only the girliest of girls in my book. It took me but a moment to realize its owner.
"No," I said to myself, doubting the possibility of who it could be. "It's too early."
I made way to the front door and let myself in. The strange aroma of garlic and tomato greeted my nose. Walking towards the source, I first saw my mother smiling down at her phone while leaning against the kitchen counter.
"Ma, whose car is that in-" I stopped short, fully entering the kitchen and landing my eyes on the girl stirring something in a pot.
"Sorry, did I take your bike's parking spot?" She said, smirking at me.
"Rachel!" I threw my arms around her in a heap, causing her to drop the spoon in the pot.
She laughed. "Well, hello!"
"What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be back for another week."
"I decided to stay and visit for a while longer." She pulled away, holding me at arms length. "Wow, you're taller. What are you, four feet now?"
I rolled my eyes, then took her appearance in. She had definitely grown, and her skin looked flawless. Her hair was longer than I had remembered, a lighter shade too. Though her face had matured quite a bit, she still had the same child like eyes full of wonder.
"Wait, so where's David?" I asked.
"Oh, he's back at home. He wanted me to have my time with you guys before the wedding."
My mom, who had been quiet, chimed in then. "Audrey, your sister has a surprise for you." She grinned at me eagerly. I looked back at Rachel.
"A surprise?" I had never been too fond of those.
"Aww, Ma, you weren't supposed to tell her yet!" Rachel sighed and mom just giggled. "Come with me." Grabbing my hand, she led me out of the kitchen and up the stairs.
"Rach, your sauce!" Mom called, but Rachel ignored her.
"You know this is your wedding, right? The surprises should be for you." I pointed out, as she directed me to my room.
"Oh, don't be ridiculous. You think the proposal wasn't good enough? Besides, this is something I've been wanting to do for a while." The excitement in her voice made me nervous. Surprises from Rachel were usually embarassing.
"Okay," She said, pausing before my closed door. "Now close your eyes."
"Rachel..." I was cautious.
"Just close 'em!"
I sighed, but obeyed, shutting my eyes and waiting. She opened my door and guiding me inside. What I was expecting was beyond my thoughts, but I anticipated the outcome for human reasons. Everyone, no matter how much some people may hate them, gets eager for the reveal of a surprise.
Rachel giggled the way she always did when she was excited and giddy. I smiled a little, realizing then just how much I had begun to really miss her over the four years she had been gone.
"Alright," She let go of me. "Open your eyes."
I did as I was told. The sight before me conveyed many emotions.
What lie out elegantly on my bed was a pastel pink dress. It was strapless, short, with a fitted torso and puffy skirt. The bottom was frill and the top had silver gems making it sparkle. It reminded me much of a china doll's dress, though maybe a bit more modern edgy. It was what you'd call "fabulous", and all in all, it really was a beautiful dress.
But just not for me.
"What-" I started, but couldn't find the words.
"It's yours!" No doubt it was mine. "To wear for the wedding. What do ya think?"
"Rach, it's gorgeous but..."
" 'But' nothing. You're very welcome. Now go try it on!" She grabbed the fabric and shoved it in my arms, pushing me towards the bathroom.
"You seriously expect me to wear this?" I asked.
"Of course I do!"
"But it's-"
"What? A dress?" She crossed her arms. I held up the pink fluffiness and nodded.
"Precisely." I stated.
"God, what is it with you and wearing dresses?"
Rachel had always known I despised dresses, so it didn't make sense for her to even have. Since we were little she had tried to dress me up in them. She would do my hair and put makeup on my face, telling me how to do it so I would be able to on my own when I got older. Truth was, I had hated all that.
"It's not just because it's a dress. But it's like... pink and puffy and sparkly."
"That's the color theme of the wedding."
"Well, pink and puffy and sparkly just isn't my thing."
"Audrey, quit being stubborn. Have you matured at all since I've been gone?"
I was slightly offended by her words. "Of course I have."
"Apparently not. You know, mom told me about your little argument with that boy at school. It hit me just how misunderstanding you can be."
"I-" Dasher was not a subject I wanted to get into. Especially with my know-it-all sister. "Rach, I'm not wearing this."
"Well, you're not wearing a sweatshirt and jeans, so yes, you are."
"No, I'm not."
I could tell she was annoyed. "Yes, you are!"
"No, I'm not!" I hurled the dress behind her where it landed on my bean bag chair. It was strange how fast things went from, 'Oh, how I missed my lovely goddess of an older sister!' to wondering why she decided to come back at all.
"What is going on?"
We both turned to see our mom at the doorway, wearing a look of confusion and irritation on her face.
"Audrey here-" My wise sibling was the first to speak before I could even open my mouth. "-being the stubborn brat she's always been is refusing to cooperate."
"Mom, have you seen that thing?! It looks like Mrs. Piggy's grand entrance costume!" My voice raised a few octaves. My annoyance was peaking.
"Oh, you're just mad because you wouldn't look near as good in it as Mrs. Piggy would-"
"As if!"
"Stop it, both of you!" Mom yelled. "My goodness, back for one day and you're both acting like you're in elementary again."
I'll admit, our behavior was shameful, whether it be from my stubbornness or Rachel's bossiness.
"Now, Audrey," Mom started, retrieving the pink and puffy and sparkly devil from the bean bag chair. "This is your sister's wedding, so it's not a time for you to be a prune and cause tension in the house. You do as she asks, and if that's wearing this dress, then so be it."
"But I-"
Rachel interrupted. "No, mom."
We both looked at her.
"She doesn't have to wear it."
This would've be one of those 'WOOHOO!' moments, but of course, there had to be some sort of catch. There always is.
"She doesn't have to wear it if-" And there it is. "-she can find a date to the ball party."
My mouth tasted funny then. I tried laughing.
"What?" I asked.
"I'll bet that you can't find a date to the ball party. If you win, you can wear whatever you want. Anything. And if you lose, you wear the dress, the heels, and I do your hair and makeup."
"That's not that bad an offer, hon." Said mom.
I just looked at them, my eyebrow raised. "You're kidding, right? A date? That's it?" I tried playing it off like it was easy. Like it was pathetic for her to even consider that a bet. But I saw that look in her eyes.
"Yeah, should be easy for you." Her lips twitched, and I swore there was a glimmer in her eye. I felt my jaw flex.
She was playing me. She knew darn well I was going to lose. She knew how antisocial I was, she knew how inexperienced I was with boys and romance. She witnessed the day I tried confessing my love for Connor Wegner in the third grade after school, and when I had sneezed in his face. Cooties became real that day, thanks to me.
"Deal." I said then.
I saw a flash of surprise in her expression, but it was quickly replaced with a grin. "Perfect!" She said, and she was back to her quirky self. No longer angry or annoyed.
"Well, I'm going to finish up dinner." My mother awkwardly excused herself from the situation, handing my sister the devil dress.
"I'll go help." Rachel said, giving me one last smug smile. I love her, but she could be the most evil person when she wants to be.
She left then, leaving me to ponder on what just happened and what I was going to do about it. So, I have to find a date in about two weeks. Seemed simple enough, right? Well, when you're me, things could go from simple to nearly impossible. I either wear the dress, or take the chance. Part of me yelled at myself, saying just wear the stupid thing. I mean, it was just one night.
But then I thought of something.
What was the reason I had accepted the bet in the first place? Obviously, I didn't want to be caught dead wearing Mrs. Piggy's clothes, but I also had the incentive to be able to prove people wrong. That incentive came from someone quite special in my life.
As drastic and desperate as it may have seemed at the time, I had figured out how I was going to (attempt) to win this bet.
I needed Dasher Jackson as my date.
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Hi! I'm here for a quick review to get this out of the Green Room.
So, as a little aside, I noticed that this is part 4, but I didn't see any little links to the side that link to the previous parts. I think you may have accidentally put this part in the wrong folder in your portfolio.
Anyway, moving on, I thought this was very nicely written. Overall, I thought your dialogue was good and I could really get a good sense of the characters in the way they interacted with each other.
However, there are a few things that I didn't think worked very well. The main one was that I didn't really feel that Audrey's reaction to the dress was really justified. The whole "I hate dresses" thing seemed to come a bit out of nowhere, though that may be because I haven't read previous parts. Regardless, the way you described that she hated all forms of makeup or dresses/pretty clothing just felt too contrived.
The problem is, you didn't give or even hint at a reason. Most people have a reason for disliking something, especially when they dislike it this much. Maybe she's like me, and dislikes makeup because it's too much of a bother to put on. Maybe she thinks dresses are uncomfortable (also me). Maybe she subconsciously thinks she can never be as pretty as ___, and so doesn't want to "try." I don't know; it's your character. But figure it out, and then try to hint at it. Just having her dislike them because they're "girly" or whatnot is rather overused and boring, and her refusing to even wear it at her sister's wedding because of a reason like that can easily make her seem selfish.
The other thing I felt was contrived was that Rachel decided the bet would be that Audrey needed to find a date. It seemed to come out of nowhere, and I couldn't see a reason for her to choos that, because you never said or hinted at that Rachel ever cared about Audrey's love life. Basically, I don't think you explained very well what Rachel gets out of this deal, what she wants to prove by watching Audrey struggle to find a date.
And that's all I've got for you! I hope this was helpful, and good luck with the rest of the story!
This is a nice piece of writing -- your characters and dialogue both come off as greatly authentic and entertaining. I love the relationship between your characters and the characters themselves; the straight-shooting mother that's quirky yet a bit out of touch, and I'm curious as to why Rachel would buy her a dress knowing she didn't like them. Does she want her to fit in better or what? That would make more sense if the mother was the one who gave her the dress.
Ah, now I'm just rambling. This is a good piece of writing, I should go back and read the other parts.
What’s strange about that aroma?
Another thing is you can put the other parts in a portfolio folder so they can appear at the side of the page along with this one. That just makes it easier for readers @_@
Good luck on continuing or finishing.