My encounter with him was fleeting but left a lasting impression.
Reacting viscerally to the alarmed shouts "Snake! Snake! Snake!"
At last, I glimpsed him, his contortions felt so uncanny yet rightfully part of the natural world.
A primal dread unlike any I've harbored in recent times enveloped me, yet I couldn't retreat in cowardice.
Recognizing I lacked whatever resolve was required, I became merely a witness to the unfolding drama.
Echoes of Eden's ancient curse plagued my mind, perhaps planting the first seeds of doubt.
After the initial sighting we continued our pursuit and only after scouring every crevice were we certain he had slithered beneath a weathered stack of forgotten cartons.
In the midst of all this chaos, just for a brief moment, I felt an unexpected kinship with him as though he silently beseech anyone for mercy.
The desire to live is something all life shares— one any soul could recognize instinctively.
You could sense the lament in his very being: "Why did I come here? I was warned against this. Why must I die? Why did I wander out here?"
He understood his inquisitive nature had betrayed him, salvation impossible, for human mercilessness knows no bounds for creatures beyond its tribe.
Like a child hiding from monsters under a blanket, desperately attempting to remain concealed, he clung to his precarious sanctuary, his posture suggesting "I threaten no one, perhaps with patience they'll grant me reprieve."
By now I had unmistakably shifted allegiance, contemplating the terror of finding myself in his predicament, yet these sympathies I dare not utter for such compassion would be dismissed as lunacy.
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139,027 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
Hey there! Welcome to YWS! I have a few words that might help you a bit.....
First Impressions:
Reading through your story, I noticed that you stuck strong to implacing a memory or the recollection of a story into the reader. It felt real and realistic. Much like a story you'd tell to a friend after a long weekend.
I also found myself loving your use of words. The words you used to describe the five senses is what made your story really pop out. I would love to see more of that in the future!
Story Interpretation:
From what I could tell, this story is a retelling of a memory, either fictional or not. Regardless, it was written well and thorough, so it was easy to read and get hooked in.
Suggestions:
You wrote this story well. Well enough to where I almost didn't have anything I'd suggest on. But if I had to, I'd suggest making your paragraphs a tad longer. While the length you used is fine, it felt as if the paragraph was cut short or was unnecessary almost. You could fix this by describing the surroundings more, or perhaps the thoughts of the narrator. This could help in hooking your targeted audience in more!
In that case, I'm gonna close this review off! You did such an amazing job with clarity and descriptive words! I can't wait to see more of your work!
~Taost
Thanks allot for such kind words
This was actually my first time writing nd didn%u2019t want to bore the reader with lengthy paragraphs so I tried keeping everything as concise as possible
But now I%u2019ll go nuts
WOW!! This story may as well belong in a collection of short story classics!
I like the continuous flow of the story, from getting thrown suddenly into it, to the ending with plenty of space for imagination. I like the vocabulary used too! Nice taste in words, you've got!
The text is nicely structured, short yet rich in detail and melody.
Overall, great job and you earned yourself a new follower! Keep up the good work <3!
Thanks allot man!! Your words really mean allot
I loved your writing! It was great! Welcome to YWS!
I loved your writing! It was great! Welcome to YWS!