Insidious Intent - Prologue

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I sit here in my white room, replaying over and over again those horrible deaths. That horrible month. I quake with fear knowing that somewhere here in my little cell SHE is watching me. Still plotting my death and how to execute it. Maybe I'm wrong though. God, how I hope I'm wrong! Maybe SHE figures I've been punished enough. I feel like I have. I know now not to tamper with things outside of my control.

All I can do here is think about the events that have led me to where I am today. I scream at the walls till my voice gives out. I'd have pulled my hair out by now if it wasn't for this damn jacket! I swear to my nurses that I'm not crazy. I couldn't make up such a story. They just smile kindly at me and tell me "Take your medicine" or "Get some rest". Honestly it makes me want to punch their teeth down thier fucking throats!

Oh how I wish my parents could take me away from this torment I now endure! But alas, they won't even come to pay me a visit anymore. It's to be expected I suppose. After all, they are the ones that locked me away here in the first place.

And to think that this had all started out as a fun 'expereiment'. None of it was supposed to have really worked. We had no idea what we were doing. It's my fault, all my fault.

Hey, this is really good. At first I thought it was too short, but when I read through the whole thing, it was actually okay. I liked the description and the feel of the story. I especially liked the first paragraph, at least story plot wise (whose "SHE"? It's all pretty mysterious). Everyone else pretty much covered everything. You had a few spelling mistakes and no punctuation that I could see.

When you said "But alas, " I don't think it was quite the right wording to use. You went from cursing to using flowery language and it made me a bit confused. I don't think it fits the language of the story.

Other than that, it was pretty cool. I can't wait to read the next part. Keep up the good work!

This is a really nice start of a story. I really like the plot, or as much of it as I can infer.

Your narrative is really good, especially in the 2nd paragraph.

Maybe it's just me, but all the words you use seem a little... traditional. Long and/or unique words that aren't confusing, or are explained by context, often perk the reader and gets him more interested in the story. No idea how that woks, but it does.

Not sure if you noticed, but there's a type where you wrote 'expereiment'. It should be experiment.

Good luck, and hope you continue. ^_^

I like it, I just saw some things that need to be fixed. (Now it's time for)

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Well the thing I noticed first off is the fact that you spelled experiment wrong. You spelled it
expereiment instead. It's nothing big. You should've seen my story (prologue). I spelled beginning wrong. That's much worse when it's part of your title.

You also spelled their wrong. You spelled it thier. I know there is the 'i' before 'e' rule, but their breaks it. So no big deal. I have to point it out as a reviewer to make you a better writer or something like that.

I can imagine at the end when you say 'It's all my fault, all my fault' it is like an echo.
I think that's awesome
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Other than that, I don't see anything wrong with it. 'Course others will say how to improve sentences to make them 'better' or 'more detailed'. What some people don't realize is that everyone thinks differently. It's all part of the science of the brain. If they don't like it, they don't like it. You can't please everyone at once. All I can say is, GOOD JOB!!