Ocean

I liked the flow of this poem, and the sense of rhyming even though the words don't really rhyme. I especially like the first three lines, as they are so true.

However, this poem could've been even better if you'd tried a bit more. Don't feel offended; I'm just making a suggestion that if you use more figurative language, your work looks much more finer.
Also, the line ''In the water one is free of man'' doesn't sound right, somehow.

I especially like the line ''The ocean is home to Nemo but also to Jaws'' because it has such a deep meaning, ya know? Like good and evil both reside in the world, and.........

The last line is a bit sad as it doesn't give a good finishing touch. I suggest you find some catchy phrase to end the poem.

Keep it up! There's no doubt that if you keep trying, you'll become a great writer!

Hey hey!

Okay, so first let me say welcome to YWS! I love reading the works from new members! Not only do I get a feel for what their style is, but also possibly learn a little bit more about them. I am so happy that I saw this piece in the Green Room, and I can not wait to review it!

So, how about we start the review off with the main idea! I honestly love the idea you have hear. I love the ocean! It reminds me of my spring breaks down in Florida! I loved going to the beach everyday, and getting to see the wild dolphins swim every day! It was amazing. Anyway, I think that this idea is not only unique, but also very creative! I really like the comparing and contrasting! It really adds some new insight on how to view the ocean.

Anyway, how about we go to structure? Okay, so when it comes to structure and presentation I am a little picky. I believe that the structure should be organized just like the idea of the poem. I can tell that your idea was well organized, but I think that the organization of the way the poem looks could be executed a touch better. I do have a suggestion, and that would be to be a little more careful on length of lines, to make them more coherent with each other. Please do not let this get you down though, your idea was great, and I struggle with this at time also. To be honest, with just a couple changes your poems could so its full potential!

I do love the idea of "Nemo" and "Jaws". Shark week was just a couple weeks ago, and you don't have to watch much of any show the air to understand that sharks can be pretty aggressive. So, I love how you put "Jaws" along with the character "Nemo". I am a huge fan of "Finding Nemo" and who ever has ever watched that movie would realize the Nemo is a harmless fish just trying to find home in the vast ocean. So, overall I loved that you put these two together for a visual, I think it helped get your point across a bit better!

Overall, you have an amazing poem! With a touch of revision I can't imagine how amazing your poem could be! If you ever need anything on this site don't be afraid to ask! I'll try to help as best I can! Anyway... keep writing! You have so much potential and I would love to read more of your works!!! Until then...

Stay classy and write on.

-Annaclare

Hi,
and sorry if I made a mistake or offended you in my review. Well, it's because I haven't review poetry for a week...

Good flow, good rhyming, but unfortunately, I found nothing special in this poem. Don't be mistaken, what I'm trying to say is that your poem is so simple. It's about ocean and... that's it. I don't grasp your feelings. Most of the things inside are the things that most of us know.

Nevertheless, I suggest you to put not only the ocean, but also the thing that's not so-relating to ocean, but its exist alongside with ocean and somehow relate to it just little. Like the seasons, instead of telling your readers what is the water feel like. Or easy to say, show and don't tell. Sometimes, telling is really boring and plain, but sometimes, telling is really colorful and shiny. Choose the correct thing for the correct time. And if you're too focusing into the topic you're writing, you'll lose something important to a writer like us. It'll limit you on what to think and what to write.

Furthermore, it's regarding the punctuations at the end of each lines. I know some poet don't prefer to use it, but somehow, please reconsider on using it. Adding a little commas or some dots would help your readers to read it. Don't confuse your readers.

You have to write more, you have the aptitude. Practice makes perfect.

I hope this helped ya, thanks!

~Nicol Memo

P/s: NITPICKING TIME!

The sea waves are green and tough

Makes you wonder