Published June 21, 2010
running away from these lies
searching for the truth
still i miss you crystal eyes
running from my noose
pre-chorus
what else is there to lose?
i guess il have to choose
chorus
i have nothing else to lose (what am i to do?)
left with this bruise (i gave it all to you)
why did i have to follow? (why did you have to lead?
how could i be so hollow? (nothing left to bleed
back to where i began
now they hate me too
running from the master plan
hoping to get through
pre-chorus
ive seen what's left in you
again i have to choose
chorus
i have nothing else to lose (what am i to do?)
left with this bruise (i gave it all to you)
why did i have to follow? (why did you have to lead?
how could i be so hollow? (nothing left to bleed
bridge
and i cant go on, why am i alive
there's something wrong, why do i survive
chorus
i have nothing else to lose (now im leaving you
covering the bruise (you told me what to do
no one left to follow (no one left to lead
how could i be this hollow? (nothing left to bleed
(hollow)HOLLOW
(hollow)HOLLOW
(hollow)HOLLOW
HOLLOW
right guys these were written just now, on-the-spot randomly so yes they are rough
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i shall consider revising this as soon as i know what it all means
i wrote these lyrics randomly without thought so yeah there should be loads of mistakes
Okay, FIRST of all, mister. Capitalize your "i's" and fix the typos that I can see throughout this. Honestly, it's very simple stuff.
Second of all, I feel that your rhyme and rhythm are both off. You need to stop forcing a rhyme in order to move on to the next line. It gets very difficult to read and get better if that's all you do. Just focus on what you want to say, and forget the rest for now! If you end up with a bunch of great lines that don't rhyme, who cares? That just means you have a brilliant poem on your hands.
And the result of said forced rhyme is bad, choppy rhythm. Each stanza should have some kind of ebb and flow to it, so that your readers know how to pronounce and inflect each word/phrase.
Please consider revising this! Trust me, it'll do great things for you.
Me liketh muchness! <3
I'd love to hear a tune to go with it!