Time is becoming my enemy
It's taking so much away
It does not ask what I want
It does not care what I say
Time is in such a hurry
Its passing at the speed of light
It takes the sunshine from my day
And leaves me with the darkness of night
Time has so much power
It cannot be fought
It runs out if you're ready
And even if you're not
So I'm begging time
Will you be my friend?
I promise not to waste you
If you promise not to end.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hey Rubz!
I just have to say I throughly enjoyed that poem and totally understand how time is very annoying to some people. I liked how the last lines tied it together with a question, it also summed up everything really well. My favourite verse was the end one:
Really beautifully written and an awesome ending. I can't see any faults! Keep writing
That was really good! I loved the last two lines, they tied it together. Really great job!
Hey, this was really really good! Your rhymes weren't forced and flowed very nicely.
Good job and happy writing!
Veritas
Hello! Tory here, welcome to YWS! The flow of your poem was fantastic! The only thing I noticed was the lack of punctuation, grammar in poetry is the exact same as in any other form of writing, although it is one of the hardest to figure out. I will punctuate the first stanza, just as an example, if you don't mind?
Like I said before LOVE the flow, it's actually some of the best I've read.I immensely enjoyed how you took an often used thought/idea and made it uniquely you. My favorite stanza was the last one.
I liked that it had a real feeling of ending. A true conclusion, one could read just this stanza and understand what you are trying to say. Fantastic!
Hey!
I like your poem, it has an interesting topic. I can't explain why though, but I feel like it runs slow (I really would explain why, but when I read over it again, I couldn't see anything that would make me think that).
The last line took me a few reads to understand, I would try to make it more clear that you are talking about time and not you.
Over all, really good!
Keep writing and welcome to YWS!
--Bee--