There is little to note about the inhabitants of the Ebon Hills that is not equally true of the barbarians who share their borders. Their culture knows little of the higher arts or philosophy, and what little they produce in salted fish or smelted ore is insufficient to lure the wandering feet of any but the most speculative of travelers. Their rulers are clan chiefs and feudal warlords, while the peasants are unruly and prone to superstition.
Of course I knew, dearest Cordelia, that the proper completion of my almanac demanded further rigor. In passing the town of Brightwater, I conversed with many rustic wayfarers regarding the journey that lay ahead. I must say, the proper dignity of the Imperial Charter seems oddly diminished in the eyes of such creatures. May the ancestors grant this journey be brief and my return to the golden shores and your beauty just as mercifully swift.
Yours in promissory,
Cleius Seveca
The stout dun pony burst through the woodland grove with surprising grace. Its rider was a youth of slim build who clung a little too desperately to the reins to be counted more than a novice. Even so, beneath the curve of the rider’s cowl, a wide grin was in evidence. Faint laughter could be heard with every wild turn and unsettling jump, as though the likelihood of a fall was a joy in itself. Steed and rider, they carved a route through the desiccated trees before pulling up short at the edge of a clearing. The pony pranced in place as the young rider struggled to gain a firmer grip on the reins of their horse, tempestuous in the hands of a learner, but trained to obey nevertheless. Standing firm at the centre of the clear ground, a man of middle years and fighting trim casually leaned upon a wayfarer’s staff. His eyes were a dark shade of grey, and reflected little of the morning’s weak light. Thick eyebrows and an untidily groomed beard dominated his face, giving him a deceptively wild look. To a certain state of mind, the gravelly tone and stiff rhythm of his voice might be thought intimidating.
“Mueno,” the man said, using the traditional word for ‘student’ in hilltongue, “you are late.”
The rider made a point of looking up at the sky, where the sun’s pale light had yet to break over the eastern treeline. Pushing back her hood, the rider revealed the feminine cast of her features; brown almond shaped eyes, curly black hair, and the pale skin and high cheekbones of her highlander bloodline. Though slight of frame, she carried herself with the self-assured grace of a young athlete.
“Balthur you called me to this nonsense woodland by the second hour, and there’s still time to spare,” the girl said, as she dismounted. Though her horsemanship might be unpolished, she spoke with the self-assurance of a highborn child as her feet met solid ground. On reflection, she thought, the sun was probably a little higher than that, but one need not concede such a point to a lowborn warrior, even if he was to be her ruwawu or trainer.
“Mueno,” the older man said, “here, you are not Wendelin, and the family name of Siebmaach means nothing.” He gestured with the tip of his staff to the uneven edge of the clearing, “within this circle, you will have no name, and you will call me by my proper title. Is this clear?”
“It is clear,” she responded clearly, before adding, “though I do not see the necessity. My brothers are trained in the sword and lance by Sir Kenwig, and he does not see the harm of reasonable hours and the comfort of our own family's practice yards.”
“Mueno gives two answers where one would suffice, and the latter makes a lie of the former. What is clear is not argued with or questioned, else it is not clear.” Balthur relented, “your brothers are squires, and learn to fight as noble sons do. Noble daughters do not learn to fight from knights. If Mueno is to learn to fight, she will learn elsewise, from the days when clan women could not afford the luxury of comfortable living. She will learn Destari, the Way of the Dark Spear. That is, if she is willing to submit to this standard. Your father assured me this was the case. Did he err?”
“He didn’t, and I do, but,” Wendelin began to protest, but caught herself, and let the response go unfinished. She knuckled her right hand into her left palm, “As you say, ruwawu.”
Her teacher gave a rare grin, running a hand through his salt and pepper beard. “You learn quickly, this is good. Now tend to your pony before we begin. It is going to be a long morning.”
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Let me just say this..............................I LOVED IT! Man you way with words is incomparable. You have a gift and after reading just this small insert I want more. I am the type with an imagination and i try to anticipate, what happens next. Already I have thought of a few scenario that might happen and I cant wait to read part 2 to see if I was right. Great story, no mistakes, how long have you been writing because this is really good. I hope to read lots more.
Greetings! I, Holographic Ladybug, am here for your (short) review!
I find this very interesting. I was very captivated, especially by your use of language. You use such words that make it interesting to read.
You completely created a picture in my mind that lasted and flowed elegantly. I find that that's how I know when I'm reading a good story of fantasy.
Your characters are well thought out, as is the location of where this takes place. You really took advantage of the 'who, what, when, where, why' thing. Very good job.
I also find it really cool how you (and a lot of fantasy writers) make things seem so natural, where in the real world, it isn't. You've appeared to really mastered the use of things like this. You've written this very well.
Well done
Hey there! I decided to give you a well-deserved review for this story.
Okay, firstly, I need to applaud your use of wording and description within this. The way you introduce the description of the character, and the surroundings, was just supurb. And once again, the way you introduced the traditional hilltongue words, was great. You immediately clarified what they meant without info-dumping or making it sound forced and awkward.
Okay, the opening was great as well. I like the idea of opening a story with a letter. My only issue with it was, was the female character Cordelia, or is the letter unrelated to the characer's introduced atterward? As the first reviewer said, I assume that will be answered in the next parts, so I'm not too concerned about this.
So, overall, I really have nothing but praise for this. I'm extremely eager for the next part, so I'll be keeping my eyes open for when you post it. ^~^
I honestly find this entertaining, because your trying. I also think that your imagination is vivid. I honestly wonder what drives you. You should continue...and use what plays with your emotions to your advantage, when making a story. Good luck, and if any questions you let me know. •///• BTW...This is a review. Later, loves. ^ῳ^

Also, i have a few questions before i go. How DID you come up with that name? What helped you discover your talent. Had you ever had a dream about one of these characters? Why are you so very talented? Is it okay if i ask MORE questions...and lastly.....Why aren't you a roleplaying, anime loving, comedy craving, finalist?
I noticed almost all of your reviews are exactly the same, I don't want to be rude, but that's not fair to the people whose work you're reviewing. You're taking away their green room reviews, and giving them advice that doesn't pertain to their exact stories/poems/etc. By copy and pasting the same thing into people's reviews, you aren't helping them >~>
You caught me....clever... Well, this won't always happen. I will indeed eventually connect to people, and their stories...what they don't know won't hurt them. I try not to criticize...and i try not to come off as an hypocrite...so i naturally do depressing things. I'm happy that you are observant...but my reasons are still valid...they just aren't expressive.
There's no validation for cheating people out of reviews, especially when they're still in the green room. Seriously, I'm not tying to be rude, but if that happened to me, I'd be quite unhappy. It's not fair, so I would suggest not doing it anymore out of simple common courtesy.
What does religion have to do with anything.....?
Life...it has to do with life...Are you...religious?
Yes, I am. If you want to talk to me any further, please PM me. This is not the place to discuss non-review related matters.
Turning getting caught cheating on reviews into an uninvited attempt to evangelise has to be one of the most disrespectful, if audacious, things I have ever seen on YWS. Thank you for your input Winter257. If you find the time I would still appreciate a genuine review from either or both of you. As this is not a genuine review, I would appreciate its immediate deletion, along with the thread that has followed it.
Regards,
Rubric.
Rubric...your wrong...this was actually meant for this story....if anything. Your the first story i did this too....so i had to take time to write it...then i realized it could be meant for other things...so i copy and pasted it to others....
I'm not sure you're aware, but I can see your reviews, even the one's you deleted, under the "review" tab on your wall. I can therefore see that of the dozen or so of these fake reviews you posted, several were posted well before mine. I can also see that the first of these that you posted, on "Tryal's Curse 7.2" is also still up and not deleted.
I'm not sure what you hoped to accomplish here, but I think at this point honesty is probably the best policy.
I didn't delete those. Some lady that popped up in my inbox did, and all i could do is simply waited. If you want an honest review, sure...but don't expect it to be much...because everyone should be treated equally...so i did that to everyone in a cheating manner.
There is no virtue in treating everyone equally badly, and you will never be thanked for it.
I would welcome an honest review on your part.
Regards,
Rubric
This is honestly pretty good! I don't think I have anything to nitpick about it, so I guess I'll just inflate your head with praise. Sounds good?
I loved the way you opened up the story--it gives me a taste of where the characters are, their era, and what I can expect from that point on without really having to explain anything. I'm still a bit confused on what that letter has to do with anything, but I'm sure it'll be explained in later parts (or maybe it has already been explained and I missed something?).
And can I just say that your descriptions are awesome? Usually in stories like these, authors spend so much time world-building that it ends up making me feel like I'm drowning in a sea of sentences. But with yours, you fuse the setting with the character's actions, so I'm able to get a sense of where they are and how your character's like without much paragraphs to read through.
I'm also digging the both the characters dynamic already. I can't say much about them since it's only the first part, but I can already sense the strong relationship between the two. Really, you've done a fine job on this.
Have a good day/night, and happy writing!