I do not set down these words because I consider myself a historian, but because I know what will be written in my stead if I remain silent. I have met the authors of my nation’s history and have found them both ignorant and self-serving in their accounts of alien lands. To them, the Crisis of the Insvar Succession is no more than another excuse for their cultural arrogance and myopic politics; characteristics which are in practice two sides of the same coin.
Having lived in the Thrennish Capital for many years, having met the key figures of its court, having experienced the thrum of its heartbeat in the bustle of its trade and the sting of its prejudice; thus am I alone qualified to set down this history for the Imperial Hall of Records.
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The Thrennish Riverlands stands as pre-eminent among the so-called Foederati. The Foederati, or “Federation of Pacified Barbarians” is, in theory, a political bloc of autonomous foreign lands bound politically to the Imperial Throne of Marcillia. In practice, its political unity ends at the door of the Imperial Bursar who pays the bribes that keep these wolves at bay, or at least trained on the scent of other prey.
Although power in The Riverlands is divided between three royal houses, innumerable minor lords or chieftains maintain effective independence, being free to wage their own petty wars and conduct their own trade and tariffs. Even so, two of these royal houses style themselves as King, of the Silverlake and the great river fork at Insvar’s Falls respectively. The third house, Family Banekrow of the Ebon Hills, goes by the title of Grand Prince, and is the only great power among the Thrennish known to be more inclined to peace than war, though many call them craven for it.
Despite this political disunity, the city of Insvar’s Falls is the obvious capital of the Thrennish Riverland region for three key reasons, each relating to a particular period of local history.
The first reason is tied to the ancient superstitions of the tribal ley-animists, and thereby often overlooked, being mistaken for irrelevant. Insvar’s Falls alone is a key spiritual site in the separate traditions of the original clans of Hill, River, and Forest. Each major clan has long maintained an enclave there, and it is the site of every major clan- or kings-moot among those ancient people. The Lord of the Falls has traditionally been the peacemaker and standard bearer in matters that have affected all the clans, which is in part the reason its current ruler claims the title of King.
The second reason for the importance of The Falls relates to the period of Vrengr exploration and expansion known in the history of we who were their partners in trade and victims in war as “The Years of Salt and Blood”. At the peak of their power, the island chieftain, Vani, ventured to the mainland to make himself “King of all the Vrengr” in what is now called Venir, and raised up many of his loyal followers as chieftains among the subjugated locals. Venturing far inland, he deposed the ancient ruler of The Falls and raised up one of his own kin to that high place, his cousin Insvar Tallstrider. This completed a generational transformation of the Eastern Riverlands into the forms and functions of Vrengr culture, including the transplantation of the Vrengr gods to the traditional Thrennish habit of revering ancient sites. This mingling of cultures was at its most visible in the birth and separation of the distinct “Tidal”clan from the traditional River Clan. Even after Vani’s death and the disintegration of his nascent empire, the changes to Insvar’s Falls remained. The Falls would forever be the bridge between west and east, animist and pantheist, traditional clan rule and the feudal nobility.
The third reason that underlies the importance of Insvar’s Falls is modern, and derives from the emergence of the Marcillian Empire. Marcillian trade, primarily in the ferrous metals of the Mierenen Stormlands to the Imperial Capital, has fed Insvar’s Falls as an important way-port in that route. The massive population growth within the city is owed equally to the bribes levied against the safe passage of the trade by the city’s rulers, the Insvar Kings, and their wisdom in being the only rulers outside of the Empire and Old Lemuire to subsidise bread, vegetables and wine for urban citizens.
It remains unclear what the city’s fate would be should it
be enduringly deprived of these subsidies, It is an impact I know has not been
appropriately considered by the Imperial Chancellery in the determination of regional
terms of trade.
In The Riverlands it is said that “Every tale begins and ends in Insvar’s Falls.”
From one’s first encounter with the ancient city there can be no confusion as
to why this is the case.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Hullo! It's pretty rare that I review the first part of something so this could be fun
Specifics
1. Ah the writing a record beginning. These can work really well and you've got the mystery tone down so far so kudos. Be a bit careful when throwing so many big/ unusual words out early on though - you'll scare away some of your younger/ less literary audience and that's not such a good idea. Books are made popular by being widely read.
2.
3. I'm going to be honest here and say that this isn't my kind of thing. It feels too much like a dive into the archives and it's very heavy reading before I'm invested enough in the characters or the plot to care. I'm a big fan of historical fiction but I feel there needs to be more hook before you lay out so much background detail.
Overall
Your writing flow is good and you have a nice tone but I found the content too heavy to hold my interest and I think this could be a much shorter, more intriguing prologue. The main aim of this should be to make the readers eager to read on and fascinated either by a character, plot aspect or some form of question. Setting isn't really the right hook for a prologue or historic detail. It feels too 'telling' and as pretty as the prose is, I think this kind of detail would be better left for later.
Sorry if this seems a big negative and best of luck with this! I may still check out chapter one tomorrow to see if you launch into the story as you've got good descriptions and a smooth writing style. I just wanted this to be more interesting.
~Heather
It was a good piece. I am gonna read the whole thing that you are gonna publish here.
There were no grammatical mistakes and the sentence formation was good.
The things that i thought would make it much more better:(at first reading)
1.While i was reading i didn't found the language or the way you wrote it to be intriguing.Like it wasn't able to hold me to read further with the same curiosity that i had at starting.
There is so much at the same time.You imagined it and you know how it should go further and all the details but the reader doesn't.
In short a lot was going on at the same time, even though its prologue but it was confusing at first read.Things were jumping from here to there.Try to make it simple and easy to understand. Finish one thing completely then start next and maybe you have to see the format or style you write in as it is an account of a historian (that's what i thought when i read your short summary in green room).
What i mean is it has a lot of potential and can be way better and you have thought in detail and through and if correctly portrayed it would be really great piece of work.
Feel free to contact me if have any doubts and keep writing.