Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well this one took a turn there at the end. More on that later. Its a pretty standard idea. Besides that they story flowed quite well and it was pretty easy to understand where the setting was and the backstory around it was. As a bonus we also did not get any unnecessary info dumps so good job on that.
Anyway let's get right to it,
The army’s camp was in the hills to the south of the now carrion-infested ground where the battle had taken place. Around the great fires, soldiers celebrated alongside their officers, rank forgotten amidst this celebration of survival, of victory. Already ballads were being composed of the great exploits, of how Lord Kano had stood alone against an uncounted horde, and emerged alive. Many individuals were said to have excelled in the great battle, but none were lauded more so that Larrel. Lord Larrel’s supposed victory over the mysterious sorcerer had passed through the camp like wildfire, and had only compounded the awe in which he was held by the army over his rescue of Kano.
Quite a gran entrance there with some neat subtle foreshadowing about what went down with Lord Kano. Great choice of opening paragraphs. Its a touch on the long side but since its all one idea it is okay.
Larrel was not there to enjoy the festivities. Following the meeting of the captains that followed the enemies rout, he had gone to see his wounded subordinates. Of his seventy man company, twenty had fallen, and another eleven lay beneath the white cloth rooves of the camp’s infirmary. Never before had his command endured such losses, and for a company as rigorously trained as Larrel’s, the losses were catastrophic. The physicians told him that Jordis’s back was broken, and that he and three of Larrel’s other injured were unlikely to survive the trip home. Jordis had been with the company for nearly fifteen years, and some of the men who lay neatly in the rows they had been dragged into had fought beside Larrel for even longer.
Seems like a reasonable amount of casualties and a probable amount of people. Most people forget that armies are not made of tens of thousands of people per battalion.
In the centre of the tent lay a low burning fire, directly below a hole that stopped its smoke from chasing out the tent’s inhabitants. Surrounding the fire were several tables, some stacked with piles of papers containing everything from requisition forms to scout reports. Toward the left wall, a bulky looking interactive map of the battlefield had been constructed, with small statues representing each of the army’s companies. Through it and the high vantage point of the tent, General Caspar had been able to plan strategies and command the entirety of his forces from a suitable position.
Nice description but I am wondering why no one bothered to warn him of this when he got summoned. Shouldn't he have gotten an official notice or something like that? At least that's what I think.
“Your adequacy as a fighter is not under examination here Larrel, nor would it merit a combined counsel, it is rather your direct disobedience to the orders of the high command that...”
Seems like a bit of a unusual conclusion for him to immediately jump to when they mention 'conduct".
“And you ignore the importance of those you sacrificed for your greater good Larrel!” exhorted Kano, his fiery hair flying and his temper fraying, “these men were Darrodin, many were nobles, others scholars. No sacrifice on the part of the Vassals would be too much!”
Typical. Something that's been done a few times before but I guess in the end the fact is that this is very true to real life.
“Lord Larrel, though this shall not be decided until our return, and before a High Council; you are formally charged with disobeying a direct order during a time of war, and of endangering the lives of the nobly born without due cause.”
Well you have successfully made me want to punch the general so that means you did a good job.
Aaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this was written really well. It flowed nicely, the pacing was on point and the characters seemed realistic and they were conveyed as well as you'd expect them to be in something as short as this. It was a fun story to read so great job.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254163
Reviews: 4102
Donate