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Them and the Sea of Royalty - Describtion

by RubaAlmalahi


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

In the sea of mates, friends and family, Ruby, Ruba and Lilli are left alone with no mates and family, they had to learn how to survive on their own to protect themselves and each other. They're very different and not only by their personalities but also by their kind, for according to "mother nature" their instincts is to immediately kill each other. And another thing for sure, Ruby and Lilli don't wish to meet their mates actually they don't plan to at all. and as for Ruba... well let's just say that things just don't go as planned for then, oh no, they don't go as planned at all.

This is the the first book in "The Sea Collection"

I hope you like it :D


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624 Reviews


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Wed Nov 30, 2016 8:59 am
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Ruba! Casanova here to do a review!

In the sea of mates, friends and family, Ruby, Ruba and Lilli are left alone with no mates and family, they had to learn how to survive on their own to protect themselves and each other.


This seems to go on forever and doesn't really flow very well. I would suggest doing something like,"In the sea of mates, friends, and family- Ruby, ruba and Lilly are left alone with no mates nor family. They had to learn to survive on their own to protect themselves and each other." This seems to work better, but it's your story.
I feel like this is way too short. I know it says a description of the book, but when I read that I was expecting something about a page or two long giving us something about the characters, plot, and scene of the story. This has very little detail in it, and feels rather lacking. I would suggest adding more description of the book, so we know a bit of what's to come. Because this sounds more like someone just trying to get a book report out of the way whether they fail or not, and I don't think this has even enough information to be counted as a summary. We want to know about Ruby, Ruba, and Lilli. But you're practically giving us nothing about them.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron.




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Wed Nov 30, 2016 12:19 am
CaptainJack wrote a review...



Hey there RubaAlmalahi. Welcome to YWS! It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

Book descriptions are always a bit hard to review and I don't actually see them that often. Once and awhile people put them up on YWS to try and get people interested in a possible novel. You say it's the first in a collection so I'm thinking you've already written a couple of the novels in this series. I haven't reviewed a book description in a while so this review is just going to be a collection of some thoughts as I go along.

The Opening Line

In the sea of mates, friends and family, Ruby, Ruba and Lilli are left alone with no mates and family, they had to learn how to survive on their own to protect themselves and each other.

1. I think I know what you're trying to say but kid you need to reword it. Currently it is so wordy and messed up, people are going to leave after one sentence in. 'in the sea of mates, friends and family' probably made a lot of sense to you when you were writing it but now it's just confusing the reader. The point of writing something is trying to have someone read it, understand it, and want to read more. I'm one sentence in and thinking 'this is some sappy story'. Sappy is good occasionally but this brings me to another point.
2. The emotion coming from the text is really limited to me and is actually quite boring. There's nothing to draw the reader in accept a small promise of mild heartbreak in the first line. The reason I'm so critical of this first sentence is because it often determines everything. Every possibility is determined by how good you hook or intro to the story is.
3. I would try and make this a bit more exciting and cut the second 'mates and family'. Also I would try and split the first sentence into two just because it is a touch long and complicated to get through. Mates and friends isn't really necessary because they mean nearly the same thing, as far as I know. Just go with something like this.
In a sea of mates and family, Ruby, Ruba and Lilli, are left alone with nothing. They will have to learn to survive on their own, to protect themselves and each other.


Some Character Complaints
1. The main thing that I have an issue with here, is how closely two of your characters are named. This is really something you want to avoid when writing a long story or novel because it is going to complicate things down the road. You are most likely going to get messed up by it and your readers are definitely going to get messed up by it. Unless you are really, really in love with these names, I would recommend changing them. I mean it really depends on what you want, this is just a piece of advice coming from a retired writer.
2.You sort of start to describe the characters and then it just drops off and becomes bland. Bland is the best word I can think of to describe this entire piece of text because there is absolutely nothing here that makes me want to know more. You don't say if the characters lost their family or if their family lost them.
3. You group all of their personalities together and don't give them any separate identities. That little thing there really bothers me because it leads me to believe you didn't write the characters as individuals. All of the spots have them written together rather than written apart.

Moving On
They're very different and not only by their personalities but also by their kind, for according to "mother nature" their instincts is to immediately kill each other.

1. This is so many types of conflicting information that I don't even know where to begin. You start with that they are very different but you don't really explain why. It would be nice to include in this little introduction in one or two ways that they are different. The readers want to know what kind of characters they are signing up to follow so keep that in mind.
2. 'but also by their kind' I'm guessing you are trying to say they are of different races/species. Am I correct in saying this or did you just mean it by like family types? Like do they differ by social status or is it something else? I'm not actually sure how to interpret this so if you even bother to read this fudging review, please explain it to me.
3. 'for according to "mother nature" their instincts is to immediately kill each other'
I don't even know what the fudge this is supposed to mean so I'm just going to take a couple of shots in the dark. Hopefully I manage to just hit the outer ring. This is playing more and more into the idea of a fantasy novel in my mind. Like these are different species of aliens who completely hate each other but have to work together to save their people. I read too much sci-fi so just ignore that guess if it's incorrect.

Let's Leap to the Next Line
And another thing for sure, Ruby and Lilli don't wish to meet their mates actually they don't plan to at all.

1. Your beginning to this sentence doesn't make much sense even though the reader will most likely know what you are trying to say. I'd replace it with 'Another thing is for sure' because it just rolls off the tongue a bit better and isn't as confusing for the reader. Does that make sense to you? Hopefully it does if you're bothering to read this review and not being an author who posts a work but doesn't want the reviews.
2. Oh wait. Did you mean mates as like actual mates? I still can't really tell so if you could clear that up a bit for me. I figured you were just using slang.

Okay so I guess I'm at the end of this literary work and that leads me to the end of my review. I was going to comment on the last line but I realized my comments for it were nearly the same as the other ones I had already written. I did not do it out of laziness, just because I don't like to repeat myself too much.

Well if you have any questions about this review, feel free to pm me or catch me in the chat bar once you do 5 reviews. Reviewing is a lot of fun, you might want to try it out. If you want a review on your next chapter of this or on something else, go to my WRFF forum.

Good luck on YWS
Have a nice day
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs





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